Who gets custody of the dog?

[brooklyngirl]

Soooo, as I'm typing this, I realize it's pretty cliche, but I swear I'm not asking for me. This would be the kind of thing I would perhaps ask as a poll on FB, but I don't want to embarrass her.
So when 2 people are in a relationship, long term, living together, and they get a dog, who gets the dog when they break up? My sister is about to go through this, and it happened once before (about a year and a half ago, with the same guy) so I'm pretty sure it's really the end if they part ways this time. Aside from having to find a new place to live (which is away from family and most friends since she relocated to move in with him) she's most upset about their dog. If you ask me, she's the mommy and the dog should go with her. She loves that pooch more than anything else in the world, and she's the one who takes care of her most (he's never home- part of the reason for all this mess) but he's the one who "bought" the dog. Is that the main thing that matters in an instance like this? The name on a receipt or the person who is the "parent"? I'm very set on my opinion, just curious if anyone has had any actual legal experience in this department, or if anyone else wants to just chime in and join me in a virtual ass-kicking of this douche that's breaking my sister's heart AGAIN

 

[Elizabeth N.]

I hate to say it this way, but animals are regulated like property. If he bought the dog, it's his. If she's done all the work of ownership, might he consider being less of a douche and leaving the dog with her?

 

[brooklyngirl]

I hate to say it this way, but animals are regulated like property. If he bought the dog, it's his. If she's done all the work of ownership, might he consider being less of a douche and leaving the dog with her?

I'd like to think that if he actually loves the dog as much as he says he does, that he'd like her to be with someone who has more time (and more willingness/desire) to actually devote to her, but deep down, he's a douche.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Bummer :-(

 

[brooklyngirl]

well, if he is a douche, then as tough as it will be to lose the dog she is STILL far better off without him. Maybe if she acts like she doesn't care about the dog he will decide the dog isn't a way to rile her up and give her to your sister after all. Or maybe she can reimburse him for the dog? I'm sorry she is going through this; even tho its not a formal divorce it sure feels like it, I know.

She will absolutely be better off in the long run, it just kills me that he's doing this to her again. He did the whole "I don't know what I want, blah blah" thing at the beginning of last year. She was devastated, moved out, had to find her own place since she's on the Jersey shore, about 2 hours away from home. She started dating and he lost it. He stalked her cell phone bill and called every number on it until he got a guy on the phone and threatened his life. He chased off several different guys over the course of a few months. He harassed me and other family members and friends to convince her to take him back and she eventually caved saying "the heart wants what the heart wants". So now on top of being heart broken, she feels like a giant dick. And now I'm 800 miles away

 

[southernlady]

Yeah, unfortunately, animals are still the property of the person who paid for it. Regardless of who they end up choosing as their mom or dad.

Rose, my daddy's JRT, actually belongs to my stepmom. She paid for Rose (who happens to be full blooded and registered) when she was 2 months old but Rose decided she was daddy's dog. Thankfully, my stepmom realized this and when daddy moved into his assisted living over 2 years ago, Rose went with him with my stepmom's approval. When daddy died in May, she could have reclaimed Rose who is 8 years old now. BUT Rose spoke up by attaching herself to my dh...my stepmom let us have her. Last time we had Rose at the vet, the vet put her in our name.

 

[southernlady]

She will absolutely be better off in the long run, it just kills me that he's doing this to her again. He did the whole "I don't know what I want, blah blah" thing at the beginning of last year. She was devastated, moved out, had to find her own place since she's on the Jersey shore, about 2 hours away from home. She started dating and he lost it. He stalked her cell phone bill and called every number on it until he got a guy on the phone and threatened his life. He chased off several different guys over the course of a few months. He harassed me and other family members and friends to convince her to take him back and she eventually caved saying "the heart wants what the heart wants". So now on top of being heart broken, she feels like a giant dick. And now I'm 800 miles away

Sounds like SHE needs to put in a protection order against him when she does leave him. I don't care how much she says her heart disagrees...if he stalked her and threatened someone, she needs OUT...and unfortunately that means leaving her dog...but it might end up being her dog or her life.

 

[JackieOnLine]

while I think honestly think being straight-forward is the best plan usually, in this case maybe the pretend you don't care plan would work.

sounds like it is really good she is getting rid of him. I hope it goes as well as possible.

the poor dog.

 

[hilary1617]

Ugh. So sorry for your sister. He must already know she loves the dog and will use it to his advantage. That's what guys like that do. If she relocated just for him, doesn't have a support network in the area, and he has exhibited stalker tendencies, the best thing I could recommend is that she moves either back to your hometown or maybe somewhere about 800 miles away from the Jersey Shore. I know that can be expensive and may have career repercussions, but her safety and happiness should take precedence over all else. Wishing her the best.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Thanks ladies, I know you're right, but she's stubborn and immature and she'll never follow through with getting a restraining order on him. I would like to convince her to move down here! I don't know if she'd ever do it, she actually loves New Jersey (lol) but she's eventually gonna be the only one left in the northeast once my parents move away in a couple years. That's been making me nervous for a long time before this thing with the boyfriend started back up again.
Oh, and Liz- I love that your stepmom had the clarity to do what was best for Rose and not just herself!

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Thanks ladies, I know you're right, but she's stubborn and immature and she'll never follow through with getting a restraining order on him. I would like to convince her to move down here! I don't know if she'd ever do it, she actually loves New Jersey (lol) but she's eventually gonna be the only one left in the northeast once my parents move away in a couple years. That's been making me nervous for a long time before this thing with the boyfriend started back up again.
Oh, and Liz- I love that your stepmom had the clarity to do what was best for Rose and not just herself!

I hope it doesn't take something harmful to get through to her.

 

[Whit]

Sorry your sister is going through this. His behavior is scary and he sounds like he would have no problem harming her or anything or anyone she loved out of spite. I hate to say this, as my babies are just that- my babies, but she should get the heck out and worry about her safety. People first...poor dog!

 

[brooklyngirl]

Well, let me be clear on this much, I really don't think he would ever physically hurt her. She's like me, she's tough and she doesn't take shit. And my dad is a large, intimidating man with lots of guns. If anything physical were even close to going down, he'd be a phone call away and nip it. The douche acted like a psycho to get her back, but I really believe it was just that- acting for attention/pity- unfortunately, she fed into it by getting back with him that time.

 

[k9ophile]

Maybe I watch too many I&D shows. I wouldn't trust a restraining order or that my gun toting dad was a "mere" phone call away. Anyone who stalks a person from cell phone record and then threatens someone from that action is much more than a douche. He's a manipulative jerk. And if I was truly qualified, I'd call him a narcissistic psychopath. I wouldn't be surprised if he hurt the dog just to hurt her. If it were my sister, I would want her far away from him with someone he absolutely doesn't know. She's going to need support and he'll threaten/stalk anyone he thinks will help her.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Well, the fact that so many of you think it's more serious than just him being a creepy asshole is making me think twice. I'll have a talk with her tonight