I’m such a bundle of joy!

[Spiky Bugger]

So, over the decades, I have asked my husband numerous questions that meant “but what about your sister?” His answers have gone from “She’s her husband’s problem,” to “She has an adult son.”

But now she has neither. And she makes stupid decisions and acts on whims and has nothing…no money, and (through no fault of her own) her job evaporated, but it IS her fault that she didn’t have any “next job.” And she collected SS too early, so she lost money there. A while back, she wanted us to “help her,” because she couldn’t afford to pay for the heater repair on the free “single wide” a cousin let her camp in and her truck payment. About three weeks after we said “no,” her truck got repossessed, so “helping” her was probably going to mean SEVERAL months of truck payments that she wouldn’t be able to keep up with.

Anyway, she’s now 65 years old, getting a reduced SS check, has zip, nada, bupkis. So I asked again. “If we get a call that your sister is at death’s door, or has just died, do you feel an obligation to pick up the tab for mortuary, casket, cemetery, etc?” This time, his answer was, “Oh, shit.”

We called THE mortuary in their home town, learned that in their grandparents’ ”family plot,” if the descendants agree, an urn with cremated remains can be interred in the plot. There are five living grandchildren, including MrSue and his ditzy sister. Now, my keen plays-an-attorney-on-the-internet mind believes that the cousin who is the child of the last-of-the-previous-generation is probably the descendant with the power. But that’s okay because he likes the sister.

ANYWAY, we gave her the job of contacting the cousins “in case any one of you decides that might be a good final resting place,” and given that she “just doesn’t like” vaccines, she hasn’t had a flu or COVID immunization.

That’s how I spent MY day.

And you?

 

[hilary1617]

I'm just getting off work at 10:10 pm having started my work day at 6:30am, so not a great day, but not funeral-planning bad! Sounds like you came up with a good plan.

On the topic of mortuaries, I recently learned a few lessons upon my dad's recent passing. First, I never knew that my mom's parents are buried in Ridgeway, NJ - somewhere I've never been and certainly not a convenient place to visit. Second, cremated remains can only be shipped by USPS - and they can lose those packages and if the package is found after all, the burial can end up delayed significantly. In our case, it was four days and then the burial happened without us there. So, nearby is probably best for burial?

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I'm just getting off work at 10:10 pm having started my work day at 6:30am, so not a great day, but not funeral-planning bad! Sounds like you came up with a good plan.

On the topic of mortuaries, I recently learned a few lessons upon my dad's recent passing. First, I never knew that my mom's parents are buried in Ridgeway, NJ - somewhere I've never been and certainly not a convenient place to visit. Second, cremated remains can only be shipped by USPS - and they can lose those packages and if the package is found after all, the burial can end up delayed significantly. In our case, it was four days and then the burial happened without us there. So, nearby is probably best for burial?

Well, yes…usually.

Except…when my step-father died, his body was taken to an Alzheimer’s study at USC’s hospital. USC carefully took what was needed for the study and the local mortuary company picked his remains up from there and took them to their other facility…in the wrong city…as we waited for his arrival at the cemetery.

That left me, after having my sister take Mom out of the room, yelling at the dude in charge that “two Cub Scouts with a little red wagon could have gotten him here by now and THAT’S the way I’m telling [the reporter from the local news] and how she’ll write that story. You have two hours to get him here. We’ll be back…”

Anyway, we are not big on traditions/ceremonies, so we have made it clear that we wish to be interred at one of the two fairly local VA cemeteries, because that’s one of our GI benefits, so it’s FREE. But we’ve made it more clear that what WE want will be irrelevant because we believe that all the post-death stuff is there for the survivors, not the deceased.

Speaking of which, we recently watched an interesting/informative documentary on several non-traditional departure strategies:

https://www.hbo.com/documentaries/alternate-endings-six-new-ways-to-die-in-america

 

[MsVee]

I have no spouse no children and currently no significant other. I have told my siblings I have always been the decision maker throughout my life but what happens to my remains is on them. I even promised not to criticize their decision.

 

[southernlady]

My side of the family is big on cremation.
Charles’ side is big on a burial in a box. He’s agreed with me which has irritated his side, except for the one kid who make the decision, assuming I precede him. As to where, his family has a plot on the side of a mountain. My family has a plot of long standing at a church near Clemson University. Scattering our ashes either place would work. Just don’t stick me in an urn on a mantel!

 

[Larra]

Well, I spent my morning yesterday on the phone with my cell phone service, which decided to upgrade their system in some way such that my cell phone (which I got only for emergency use but now is needed to call the vet from the parking lot with my pets) no longer worked. Of course, by the time they notified me of this, the phone already didn't work, so that was my phone session with them last week, but they did send me a new and improved phone for free. Only problem was that I had to deal with them again for the set up, which meant 2 calls with a total time of close to 2 hours. I hope the damn thing works now, I will try it out today.
On the subject of burial at the VA cemetery, I happen to know a lot about this because my father was a vet, and my parents opted for burial at a VA cemetery. In fact, my mom thought she had everything all set up. Well, she died first, and my dad had Alzheimer's by then, so it all fell to me (my brother was no help with this AT ALL). And somehow, even though I had all my dad's military info, serial number, dates of service, etc etc, the military couldn't find their records. And they won't schedule your funeral or burial until they are satisfied that the deceased is indeed eligible. Something about records being destroyed in a fire somewhere. Now, keep in mind that my father served in WW2 and a total of 20 years of service. His eligibility, and thus my mother's, was not a close call. Eventually, by magic, the military found whatever they needed and everything fell into place, but it caused several days delay and was very frustrating. So Spiky Bugger whatever you can do now to insure that you won't experience this, do it.

 

[southernlady]

Well, I spent my morning yesterday on the phone with my cell phone service, which decided to upgrade their system in some way such that my cell phone (which I got only for emergency use but now is needed to call the vet from the parking lot with my pets) no longer worked. Of course, by the time they notified me of this, the phone already didn't work, so that was my phone session with them last week, but they did send me a new and improved phone for free. Only problem was that I had to deal with them again for the set up, which meant 2 calls with a total time of close to 2 hours. I hope the damn thing works now, I will try it out today.
On the subject of burial at the VA cemetery, I happen to know a lot about this because my father was a vet, and my parents opted for burial at a VA cemetery. In fact, my mom thought she had everything all set up. Well, she died first, and my dad had Alzheimer's by then, so it all fell to me (my brother was no help with this AT ALL). And somehow, even though I had all my dad's military info, serial number, dates of service, etc etc, the military couldn't find their records. And they won't schedule your funeral or burial until they are satisfied that the deceased is indeed eligible. Something about records being destroyed in a fire somewhere. Now, keep in mind that my father served in WW2 and a total of 20 years of service. His eligibility, and thus my mother's, was not a close call. Eventually, by magic, the military found whatever they needed and everything fell into place, but it caused several days delay and was very frustrating. So Spiky Bugger whatever you can do now to insure that you won't experience this, do it.

My daddy’s were in the same fire but a very nice person managed to find enough if his to recreate them for me. Took far longer than expected but they did help me. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Personnel_Records_Center_fire

 

[Larra]

Yes, everyone I spoke with was kind, professional, and as helpful as they could be. Still took several days and multiple calls, and I don't know how they finally figured it out, but it did work out. Also, the cemetery was lovely and so peaceful, I think it's a great option for those that qualify and don't have other preferences (family plot, religious location, etc).

 

[Spiky Bugger]

My side of the family is big on cremation.
Charles’ side is big on a burial in a box. He’s agreed with me which has irritated his side, except for the one kid who make the decision, assuming I precede him. As to where, his family has a plot on the side of a mountain. My family has a plot of long standing at a church near Clemson University. Scattering our ashes either place would work. Just don’t stick me in an urn on a mantel!

Aunt Frances…not to be confused with Aunt Francie …was in her urn in a closet for a loooong time.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Yes, everyone I spoke with was kind, professional, and as helpful as they could be. Still took several days and multiple calls, and I don't know how they finally figured it out, but it did work out. Also, the cemetery was lovely and so peaceful, I think it's a great option for those that qualify and don't have other preferences (family plot, religious location, etc).

Or ocean coral, like in that HBO documentary.

OR:

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I have no spouse no children and currently no significant other. I have told my siblings I have always been the decision maker throughout my life but what happens to my remains is on them. I even promised not to criticize their decision.

I see what you did there.

 

[JackieOnLine]

Speaking of which, we recently watched an interesting/informative documentary on several non-traditional departure strategies:

I watched the trailer but I don't have HBO so can you tell me what the 6 new ways are?

I remember someone telling me there is a kind of cemetary where you can have a "natural" burial where you can decompose the way nature intended since in the traditional kind you are sealed up in a casket in such a way that you don't return to the earth but instead just get slimey or something like that. but I don't even know if that's true.

 

[JackieOnLine]

'm just getting off work at 10:10 pm having started my work day at 6:30am, so not a great day

holy smoke, I hope that doesn't happen often? that's terrible!

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I watched the trailer but I don't have HBO so can you tell me what the 6 new ways are?

I remember someone telling me there is a kind of cemetary where you can have a "natural" burial where you can decompose the way nature intended since in the traditional kind you are sealed up in a casket in such a way that you don't return to the earth but instead just get slimey or something like that. but I don't even know if that's true.

I’m 75 and on opioids…let’s see what I can remember…lol.

In the order in which I recall:

1–yes. There was a woman who died at home, friends and family did a ritual washing and wrapping of her body, and she was buried in the ground, at a cemetery designed for such things, and her gravesite was marked by plantings.

2–a terminally ill man, in the article I’m going to attach, wanted to pick the time and place of his death. So he acquired an “end of life cocktail,” morphine based, so HE could choose. Family was there and when he died, he was moved into the waiting casket.

3–people, who didn’t know each other, were all friends/family of someone who had died and who had wanted to be shot into space. So they gathered and, watched the cremated remains of the deceased get shot into space in a rocket. (I’m not sure how far up it went or where it landed.)

4–the cremated remains of some folks were incorporated into man-made “coral reefs” and placed in the ocean to help replace the coral reefs that are dying off. The deceased’s name and info is noted on the structure.

5-another terminally ill man wanted to be at his own wake. So that’s how they did it. They had the party and everyone who wanted to say something to him could do it while he could hear them. He died shortly after, but I don’t recall details.

6-there was a little boy who died and his parents had a “wake” that he, who wanted to know why those things were always so sad, would have enjoyed. I think he was six and wanted six of something…bouncy houses maybe (?)…and face painting and other fun things for the many children in attendance.

So, there you go.

https://www.theatlantic.com/enterta...cumentary-changing-the-death-industry/596395/

How’s your Hungarian? (Please ignore the violent promo for another film at the beginning.)

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Oh. Well, AT YouTube, it was close captioned in Hungarian.