Ungrateful wretches, AKA adult children

[DianaCox]

I should also note that SB gave me a link to the charity-rating of the Abode program, and it is VERY good. Perhaps the problem lies mostly with Operation Dignity, which has NO rating, but is listed as a religiously-based charity - maybe it is one of those religious charities that creates a good-deed-doing charter, and then spends most of the money it garners on paying its employees and spending money on fund-raising, while precious little trickles down to the people who they say they are going to help.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

In reverse...might be worthwhile to call the parent organization and ask them if Dignity is jeopardizing their good standing?

And yes, they qualify and there is no good reason to tell them NOT to apply. But even when they have the form in hand, they still need to find a landlord willing to put up with Section 8 type b.s., for a minimal payoff. So they might not be moving in the foreseeable future.

 

[KathyF]

Section 8 is tough to get. When my kids were little (so that was over 25 years ago) I applied for Section 8. I qualified for a 3 bedroom certificate, but since there was a five year waiting list for the 3 bedroom one, they gave me a two bedroom one instead. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a landlord who would let me rent a 2 bedroom apartment with 3 kids. So I had to turn it back in. A couple years later I tried again in another county and they were taking applications just one day a year. I just happened to find that out just before the scheduled day and went early only to find there were about 100 people already lined up. They did make a point to say that veterans got first dibs on the certificates. I never did hear back on that application.

Of course, that was a long time ago and I have no idea how the program is being run now. However, if they do still give veterans first dibs on certificates, it might indeed be a viable option for them.

 

[DianaCox]

SIL is corresponding with the Abode "housing specialist" who is assigned to him. She is part of the problem. He is asking her direct questions and she is prevaricating. In the meantime, he located an IRS document for Abode, and it suggests different numbers than what the Charity Ratings site did:

The details cost money, but the basics are there. They claim to provide housing to more than 200 "homeless veteran families." But on the VA's award sheet it says they received $2M to service 400 veterans. Now $2M does not seem like enough for 400 veterans, but the miss-match seems strange.

After some rough calculations I think $2M only makes sense if they are servicing 400 veterans, or they are serving 200 veterans and the average wage across the organization is like $60 an hour.

In addition, he had the following exchange with the housing specialist:

I am curious what other services are being provided other than those stated in the Landlord Packet. I'm not sure how much of an advantage the deposit and first month's rent gives me. Every apartment or house we have applied for has had at least 3 other people apply for it before we do, even when we apply to places we hear about from friends or family that are not even publicly posted yet. We get turned down from those places because they want a tenant that makes three times the rent in income.

That's not us. We get denied even though we can pay the rent and have paid it for years. When a property manager sees three or four applicants that meet the income requirements we cannot compete in that group. I wouldn't lease an apartment to a family in our situation if there were other applicants who could obviously pay the rent.

So I was hoping this program would use its government funding to give my family some advantage in the housing market. As it stands the landlord packet seems to imply that the property manager has to take a chance on some tenants who admittedly have trouble paying the rent and need government assistance. In addition to the extra risk, they are asked to submit to an inspection and turn in extra paper work. What do they get for their trouble? Why would a landlord expose themself to risk like this? Why have I spent so much time getting signed up for this program? I have sacrificed a lot of time from my family, my work, and my studies, and I could have been looking for housing on my own.

What is the strategy we are going to employ to stabilize my family's housing situation? The strategy outlined in the packet seems lacking.

Her "answer":

I understand your concern. The rental market is very competitive right now, even people with 3x the rent are competing with others with the same qualifications. However, with you and I looking for housing for you it doubles the chances of finding that 1 landlord that is willing to rent to you. It is somewhat of a numbers game every 10 no's you might get 1 that is willing (not an exact number just an example) Our program offers 2x the rent for deposit, the 1st months rent and the help in housing search. As far as any other services you would have to ask your Case Manager Anita about additional options.

He then asked her specific questions about the average time it took to find housing for the people they were assisting, and got this non-answer:

Every participants situation is different, I am not sure giving you the info in the matter that you are requesting (which I do not have) would be a fair picture. We have had participants come into the program and get housed with in a few weeks and others that have taken a few months. In my experience the more landlords we connect with the better the chance of getting housed. I know you are looking for information to be able to prepare and this is probably not the answer you are wanting, but it is the best I can provide to you. I know that you are in a crunch and I am actively calling on ads and getting info on units, hopefully we will find a unit you like AND that is willing to work with your current income and financial situation.

I'm not sure what the "housing specialist" is actually doing ("actively calling on ads"?). It looks like this was essentially a dead end for them - hoping to be proven wrong.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

The underlying agreement in many Social Service Situations is, "I'll help you if you promise not to get better."

As long as they CANNOT find a place, that worker has a job.

 

[JackieOnLine]

huh - that really sums up a problem, right there.

 

[DianaCox]

The underlying agreement in many Social Service Situations is, "I'll help you if you promise not to get better."

As long as they CANNOT find a place, that worker has a job.

It certainly seems that way, doesn't it?

I think they are going to try to do this on their own, now that they have a better picture of what's going on, and (I hope) they've saved money from the last three months (they didn't pay rent in August, because the landlord just took their last month's rent as payment, and of course they didn't pay rent September or October, plus SD should be getting her Pell grant money shortly).

I'm going to encourage SIL to pursue the complaint against the "charity" no matter what, after they get situated, and maybe help him. I think this charity is very suspicious, and I'd like to know exactly how much money they've given out and how they got ANY landlords to accept these onerous conditions. I'll bet they are all extreme dumps in drug-infested neighborhoods - especially in Alameda County.

 

[DianaCox]

Coincidentally, I saw this on FB today:
http://popularmilitary.com/va-red-tape-forces-military-vet-family-live-tent/
VA red tape forces military vet and family to live in tent

• By PopMil

An Army veteran and his family have been forced to live in a tent while waiting on disability checks. It’s been three months since now-retired James Dunahoe left the military. He received 100 percent disability because he was injured in combat.

According to KOMO News, the Dunahoe family has been living in a pop-up trailer, seven of them in all. Until the Veteran Affairs red tape gets cleared up, they will be stuck where they are. Dunahoe needs to show proof of income before they can move into a home they have already chosen.

“I don’t want to say it sucks, but basically it does,” said Dunahoe. “You do your time, pretty much.”

“You got injuries for your country and this is how the VA treats you?” said Dunahoe’s wife, Leahana.

The family has faced numerous hardships recently. A few weeks ago their moving trailer was stolen. It was later found but many of their items were missing including electronics and televisions. Luckily, other precious mementos were still inside the trailer.

KOMO Problem Solvers called the VA to inquire on the status of the Dunahoe case. VA personnel said they were working on the problem. When they spoke to Leahana, they told her that their money and documents would available this week.

“He’s not happy that we have the news calling him,” Leahana said about the VA employee after she hung up.

Secretary of Veteran Affairs Robert McDonald announced last August that $207 million in Supportive Services for Veteran Families (SSVF) grants would be released to assist an additional 70,000 homeless veterans. This would be in addition to the 115,000 veterans and their families already assisted by the program.

In a press release, McDonald said the grants would be distributed to 82 non-profit agencies and included “surge” funding for 56 high need communities. Under the grants, services are provided for low-income families to transition from high risk situations to permanent housing.

“The Department of Veterans Affairs is committed to using evidence based approached such as SSVF to prevent homelessness and produce successful outcomes for Veterans and their families,” McDonald said. “This is a program that works, because it allows VA staff and local homeless service providers to work together to address the unique challenges that make it difficult for some Veterans and their families to remain stably housed.”

According to the National Alliance to End Homelessness, the Obama Administration made a commitment to end veteran homelessness in the U.S. by the end of 2015. Since the announcement was made in 2010, there has been a 25 percent decrease in the number of homeless veterans.

Data collected from the 2014 Point-in-Time Count showed 49,933 veterans experienced homelessness on a single night in January 2014. If compared with the Department of Housing and Urban Development’s 2013 estimates, it is a 14 percent decline.

The National Alliance to End Homelessness states the veteran homeless population consists of veterans who have served in several different conflicts, ranging from World War II to the recent conflicts. Although research suggests that veterans who served in the late Vietnam and post-Vietnam era are at greatest risk of homelessness, veterans returning from the recent conflicts in Afghanistan and Iraq often have severe disabilities, including traumatic brain injuries and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. These factors are known to be associated with homelessness. As the military changes, so do the challenges it must adapt to.​

So, this seems to be the NORM for how the VA and their contractors "work?" And yet, when they are called out and embarrassed, they get their **** together? Well, then, let's set about embarrassing them early and often.

 

[DianaCox]

Minor update:

Nothing new from SD and SIL - I guess they are either still being jerked around, or they are looking on their own. Either way, there is a roof over their heads, and it isn't mine.

I just had a conversation with my daughter and son. They will start paying rent - $500/mo from Jess and $300 from Nathaniel. I told them that the money would be refunded when they move out, IF IF IF they have not been ******** - and that I would feel free to tell them when they were being ********. They are to give us money (N has been) for food and drink they consume - AND they have to bring replacements (e.g, sodas, milk, beer, steak) to the house so we aren't doing all the shopping for them. And that in addition to agreed upon jobs/chores, they should act like adults and do stuff that needs doing when they see it, simply because it needs to be done.

They are now incentivized to practice behaving properly, and I hope eventually trained to understand that as adults, they should not have to be incentivized to do the right thing.

It's never too late to do corrective parenting.

 

[Charris]

Wow Disna they must think they are at the Hilton. I have had people/men do me like that until my 2nd personality appeared. I was on my way to work and realized instead of looking for a job he was home playing video games. I did a u turn went to the store and brought a pad lock. I went home and switched off all breakers in the electrical box except the refrigerator. Got back in my car and went to work. Did I forget to tell you it was a hot summer day it was about 118. Needless to say he developed a since of urgency to move in with his family. Lol pray for me. I always told him unless I had a good time making you or birth you into this world Im not taking care of you

 

[DianaCox]

Well, I both can't/won't distinguish completely between bio and stepchildren, but I don't have to support their spouses. And as for my stepdaughters, even their father thinks they need/deserve less of our support - they are both married to men whom we don't care for (or in one case, pretty much hate), for various good reasons; both improvidently had babies they were not in a position to support "properly," and they both have other family they can rely on (their mother and stepfather, and their husbands' relatively well-to-do parents). My kids' biodad lives with his girlfriend in a 1 bedroom condo she owns in VA, where he works as a handyman - so my kids have no other places to go.

But that does not mean we should be burdened with their support forever, or for free. Good on you for being able to close (and lock) that door!

 

[star0210]

I'm brand new here but have been reading a lot...and I just have to say @DianaCox that it's quite interesting seeing a "different" side of you....lol
You always seem so tough and a little bit "hard" but this shows you do have a softer side...and boy can I relate to this adult children thing.
I don't mean that in any kind of negative way....it's just quite interesting!

 

[DianaCox]

No, I'm not that hard-hearted about most people or things at all. However, when I am screwed over multiple times by someone to whom I am not related, and there is little to no chance of things changing, I can get pretty resolute. My adult kids know how to play me, but I understand that dance, and I'm dancing with them. We just need to work out a different pattern of interacting that reflects their actual ages, not their shoe sizes.

 

[Whit]

You are fabulous, warm hearted and relentless. Fortunate to know you RV Mamma!

 

[kirmy]

I second that Whit.