"He's marrying that girl? He's a damned faggot!"

[Spiky Bugger]

That's what an acquaintance said about my neighbor. Granted, my gaydar DOES go off a bit when the neighbor is nearby...but, as we shall soon see, it is not infallible.

We had a bit of a "discussion," wherein I may have mentioned the word "homophobe."

Segue to a week later. The name-calling acquaintance FINALLY mentions that HE is gay. (My gaydar didn't even twitch.)

I am...understandably, I believe...confused. But now he tells me that he isn't a homophobic gay guy, rather he was upset that the neighbor is ruining the bride-to-be's life as well as the lives of their future children and even his own. (Since the previously-homophobic gay acquaintance is divorced and has three grown kids, I suspect he was actually expressing his anger at the decisions HE made when he was the neighbor's age.)

Maybe I'm too old to understand the dynamics of being an out gay person.

But now there's a part of me that hopes the bride-to-be has seen the film In and Out.

 

[brooklyngirl]

He's projecting. But, that being said, as a gay man, he should know how offensive that word is. I have lots of gay and lesbian friends and they use lots of terminology, that were previously used as slurs, as playful terms now. But that word is usually off limits.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

He's projecting. But, that being said, as a gay man, he should know how offensive that word is. I have lots of gay and lesbian friends and they use lots of terminology, that were previously used as slurs, as playful terms now. But that word is usually off limits.

See...that's what had/has me confused. Kevin Kline didn't talk like that. LOL. Maybe because my acquaintance lives in two worlds! He's a former Navy Seal who works in construction. He must wear two very different hats.

 

[brooklyngirl]

See...that's what had/has me confused. Kevin Kline didn't talk like that. LOL. Maybe because my acquaintance lives in two worlds! He's a former Navy Seal who works in construction. He must wear two very different hats.

Unfortunately, it sounds like he's out, but not proud. There could be any number of reasons, but he probably never felt like he fit in to the stereotypical role of being a navy seal or construction worker if he was in the closet.

 

[JackieOnLine]

beats me - maybe he thinks it's OK if HE uses the word, while if a straight person did it would not be OK.

maybe the neighbor is bi and his wife to be knows all about it?

 

[Spiky Bugger]

beats me - maybe he thinks it's OK if HE uses the word, while if a straight person did it would not be OK.

maybe the neighbor is bi and his wife to be knows all about it?

I guess all I can do is wait and watch?

 

[newanatomy]

He's projecting. But, that being said, as a gay man, he should know how offensive that word is. I have lots of gay and lesbian friends and they use lots of terminology, that were previously used as slurs, as playful terms now. But that word is usually off limits.

I was thinking this exactly!

 

[k9ophile]

Yes, I was also thinking "projection" for the name caller and/or "bi" for the groom to be. Funny(?) how group think lets certain words OK with the group and taboo for others, but that seems to be a new topic to rant about. Maybe later...

 

[DianaCox]

Neither of you are in the neighbors' bedroom. She may be a knowing beard. He may simply be a very effeminate man who is nevertheless content with confusing people while quite comfortable within his own skin.

My former boss and another SVP at my former company are both married with multiple kids and wives with careers, and both of them set my gaydar (such as it is) on high alert - effeminate mannerisms, speech patterns, style of dress and all - but NOTHING else seems amiss in their very long term heterosexual marital relationships. I like them both, but don't find either of them in any way sexy.

Chacun à son goût.

 

[Sheanie]

I learn SO MUCH from @DianaCox . "Knowing beard" is my term of the week. I assume that is a form of a disguise, as in a person, am I right?

 

[Spiky Bugger]

The term "beard" preceded the term "fag hag" by, I think, several decades. Betty White used to say that she was Liberace's beard.

It could be disguise, it could be a euphemism for "manliness." It's been around so long, I don't know whom to trust on the etiology.

 

[Sheanie]

And I learn from @Spiky Bugger , as well. I just LOVE Betty White. I was totally bamboozled by Elton John. Never had a CLUE he was gay, plus, he married that German woman briefly. Hey, I was young and very naïve. What else can I say? I no longer am, and am getting more cynical by the day.

 

[brooklyngirl]

There's a definite difference between a beard and a fag-hag. A beard is a disguise to hide homosexuality, the person might know or might not. A fag-hag, or as my friends like to say- fruit fly , is a girl that just loves hanging with her gays. I am a proud fruit fly

 

[DianaCox]

What Lauren said - the woman who is a beard dates him, or even marries him, thereby giving the gay man the appearance of being hetero. Sometimes, she knows and is in it for money or companionship; sometimes, she is thick as a brick and simply being used.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

What Lauren said - the woman who is a beard dates him, or even marries him, thereby giving the gay man the appearance of being hetero. Sometimes, she knows and is in it for money or companionship; sometimes, she is thick as a brick and simply being used.

Indeed...it's just that I've met (did I mention that my daughter majored in theater and worked in film? Lol) several fag hags who served as the beard with parents, at company picnics, that kind of thing.

There's a definite difference between a beard and a fag-hag. A beard is a disguise to hide homosexuality, the person might know or might not. A fag-hag, or as my friends like to say- fruit fly , is a girl that just loves hanging with her gays. I am a proud fruit fly

Indeed, there IS a difference...it's just that I've met (did I mention that my daughter majored in theater and worked in film? Lol) several fag-hags who served as the beard with parents, at company picnics, that kind of thing. One in particular was a snooty little fag-hag who demanded all kinds of gifts and accommodations because once she met the family, and they were filthy rich, and the guy's multimillionaire dad said that gays DESERVED AIDS, it became more of an career in extortion.

So she was there as the girlfriend for YEARS, but the gay guy hated her and when his dad finally died and he got his $$, he also go rid of the bitch.

My kid is a fruit fly, too.

I miss her fabulous and fashionable friends. One day, one of the guys was at our house when I went out looking for a job. As I got to the front door, it went something like:

H: and where are we headed this morning, Miss Susie?
Me: I have a job interview.
H: oh, my...oh, my (and he grabbed my arm and turned me around) let's take just a moment to revisit the closet...last minute check-up, okay?

It took just a few moments, but he vetoed my decision to go dressed looking like my grandmother's overstuffed chair, and I went looking more like a sane person, not disguised as a stage prop.

I adore him. He is the person who is designed to unplug my daughter if the need were to arise, because she feels I couldn't do that.