So, some of you may have saw my "Say Hello" post - I will probably be repeating myself a bit, but figured I had enough to say that it merited its own thread.
I do have a bit of a tendency to ramble and get long-winded, so apologies in advance...bear with me.
1. Some background: I'm a 30-y.o. male who's about 6'2" and currently about 380lbs. I would say that I've struggled with my weight for my whole life, but honestly "struggled" feels like the wrong word as for the most part I've just sort of accepted it and not given it much thought. Either way, it would at least be accurate to say that I've been overweight for pretty much as long as I can remember. I found an old 9th/10th grade football program, and at that time (so that would've been like...2006ish) I was listed at 6'0" and 250lbs. But, I've always just kind of been the "big guy" and never really cared too much one way or the other. I've tried diets here and there and nothing really worked but at the end of the day I'm happy with who I am and didn't feel super pressed to change much.
Anyways, about 18 months ago I got a new primary doctor and he had mentioned that I might be a good candidate for surgery and that we'd had a new bariatric surgeon move to the area who was pretty highly regarded (Dr. Bonanni). I didn't give it much thought, truthfully, but it was kind of in the back of my mind from that time. Two big things caused me to sort of start considering that more. First and foremost is that I had my first child. He's 5 months old, and obviously I want to be around as long as possible for him (and my wife, of course). Second is that I ended up catching COVID over the summer. I'm vaccinated and truthfully it was fairly mild, but I couldn't help but find myself thinking "this could potentially be a lot worse for me just because of my weight". Up until that point I hadn't really had any 'problems' due to my weight, so I hadn't considered the possibility of them coming up or the possibility of things that would perhaps be minor for others becoming a major issue for me.
So, I decided to pursue that option and got an appointment set up with Dr. Bonanni. Our first meeting was on August 2, and he recommended the DS for me as at the time my BMI (rounded up) was right at 50 and he felt that it would provide me with the best long-term results. Luckily for me, my insurance doesn't have any mandatory waiting period nor any required weight loss, so it is pretty much just the hospital's three-month program and that's it. I was also told my insurance would cover VSG, RNY, and DS, but not the SADI. I should add that Dr. Bonanni did mention the possibility of performing the traditional DS with a "modified" common channel so as to not have as severe malabsorption, in his words (as I remember them!) With all that in mind, I guess I'm looking at being eligible to schedule my surgery sometime around November of this year, more or less.
Part of me is definitely excited. But I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't finding myself just bombarded with all kinds of unexpected (and probably irrational!) fears/worries/doubts/etc. So that's why I'm here!
2. I'm quickly finding that I've got a lot of anxiety about hospitalization/medical procedures/surgery/etc. It's not like crippling or anything, but definitely making me more nervous than I thought I would be. I've never had any form of surgery nor anesthesia, save for local anesthetic for something small like a few stiches. So I'm awfully worried about having to get put under general anesthesia and the idea of having parts of me removed and reorganized really makes me shudder a bit. I know that both components (DS and general anesthesia) are generally very safe, but I still find myself being irrationally afraid of the surgeon nicking an artery and having me bleed out or the anesthesiologist being unable to wake me up or something like that. It's like...if I see a statistic that says "This surgery has a 1% mortality rate" for some reason my brain interprets that as "You're probably gonna die in the OR," haha. That's probably not particularly healthy, if I had to guess...As part of the hospital's surgical program I am set to meet with a psychologist in a couple of weeks, but I'm curious: Did any of you deal with similar fears/worries? What did you find helped to alleviate those fears? I am trying to remind myself that thankfully I'm still (relatively) healthy and young and that most complications are going to occur in patients who are a.) older than I am b.) heavier than I am or c.) have more preexisting conditions than I have, but you know how it goes...we don't always think as rationally as we would like.
3. It's kind of a weird worry to have at the moment, but I have a strange fear about just wasting away to skin and bones. I'm sure some of it has to do with your perception and what you're used to seeing but I feel like I see some people who have surgery done and lose so much weight that it starts looking unnatural. I like to weight lift and would hope to be able to keep doing that in order to maintain as much strength as I can and to stay a bit "filled out" but then I'd worry that I'll have a hard time getting in enough protein/nutrients etc to be able to account for what is lost through lifting on top of the already steep nutrient/supplementation requirements for DS to begin with.
4. I'm sure this is a common question but...clothes. How do you deal with the "in-between" or "transition" periods? About how long should one generally expect it to take for them to reach their "end" size? I can't afford to buy new clothes for each size-change (and I'm sure that's the case for most), so what are you doing to make that work? A lot of thrift-shopping? Buying things and wearing them until they're too big, or buying things a bit small knowing that you'll make your way into it?
5. One of my bigger concerns: I'm wondering if anyone has heard from any "senior-age" DS patients? I'm still relatively young and - from what I can tell - considerably below the average age for DS surgery. Does anyone have any record of/insight regarding living post-DS for (hopefully) 30, 40, 50 years?
I know that without losing the weight I probably don't make it to that age, but at the same time I feel like there's just not a ton of information (that I've found) for people living their lives with DS for that long, which kind of concerns me. I'm not super worried about long-term vitamin/supplement compliance (unless I happen to make it to a nursing home or something, haha) but I don't know... It just makes me worried that more "problems" will pop up down the road or something. Who's the oldest (person who's had DS the longest) vet in here?
6. Some simple recovery questions: I feel like I see a lot of horror stories about recovery but also see a lot of people talking like it was basically a breeze. Or, for example, I've seen many women who've had C-sections say that the recovery for that was a lot worse than DS/other WLS. Obviously I haven't (and won't!) ever have a c-section myself, but my wife did and so I was present for her recovery and she never made it seem unmanageable. On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being a walk in the park and 10 being a hike up Everest, how difficult did you find the recovery?
I've also been a stomach-sleeper for as long as I can remember. I can sometimes sleep on my side okay but have NEVER been able to get a good night's sleep on my back. I always just fall into a weird half-sleep and "wake up" some hours later feeling like I just laid down a few minutes ago and feeling very un-rested. I'm sure I'll have bigger things to worry about, but any idea how long it'll be before I'll be able to sleep on my stomach again? Should I just accept not getting a good sleep until I'm all patched up and recovered?
Also, as mentioned above: I have a five-month old. He weighs probably 15lbs, give or take I guess. I think was like 13 at his 4-month checkup. Will I be able to pick him up - or how long until I'll be able to do that?
How long did you take off from work? I work in IT so it's not particularly demanding. Sometimes have to move around PC components, but I'm sure they'd be willing to accommodate so that I don't have to lift anything heavy. I was roughly expecting to take off three weeks but I'm curious as to how long you were out for.
7. Did you see any "unexpected" benefits? I'm not sure the best way to put it. Like above, I've been heavy for my whole life but I don't feel particularly "limited" or "burdened" by my weight. Part of me wonders if I've just sort of always adapted to dealing with carrying all that extra weight around, so I don't feel like it's any extra effort, when in reality it actually is - I'm just used to it. It's like...imagine if you were wearing a backpack full of bricks for your whole life. You're used to it and it doesn't feel like "Extra" or like it's giving you any grief. But take the bricks out of that backpack and you'll sure notice - probably feel a lot more nimble and less "weighed-down" too. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's the best way I can phrase it...
8. AND finally...I guess I would say that my main worry (or one of them) at the moment is just that...I'm happy right now! I like the person that I am. I'm not miserable and I don't hate myself. I'm in relatively good emotional-health (although as you can see - a bit of a worrier). I don't LOVE the way I look, but frankly I just don't give it much consideration one way or another. All in all, I have a good life and I'm happy with what I have. I'm not interested in getting surgery because I think it will make me look better or improve my self-esteem or like myself more or be happier (Not judging anyone else's reasons, just looking at my own). I'm just doing it solely because I believe it's best for my long-term health prospects. If there was some sort of magic pill I could take that would guarantee me a full and full life with my family - even if I still was the same size and had trouble finding clothes or fitting on roller coasters - I'd take it in a heartbeat. I just want to be healthier; I don't want to change who I am. I don't need to be smaller to feel happy and fulfilled.
SO, with all that said - I guess I am just worried about making such a drastic change. I'm worried that I'll end up making myself miserable right now for health benefits that I potentially won't see for a long while yet. I'm worried that my personality/mood will change and I won't like who I become. I'm worried about messing up my "good life." I'm worried that in 30 years I'll be a mess or something because I've had to go so long with a modified digestive system.
I'm worried about the impact it'll have on my marriage. My wife and I have a great relationship, but I hear all these horror stories about how bariatric surgery ruins relationships or causes divorces and I just hate that. Like, to be perfectly honest I'd sooner not get the surgery and die sooner if getting the surgery meant it would ruin my marriage or something. I'd rather have a shorter lifespan with a happy and intact family than to live longer but see my relationship(s) fall apart and make my son grow up with divorced parents or whatnot. That's not really an option for me.
Basically: can you make such a drastic change without fundamentally changing who you are?
Anyways, you get the idea. I'm sure a lot of these worries are fairly common, but I figured this was a good place to get my head straightened out and to have some fears relieved. I have always been a bit of an over-thinker and tend to consider the worst-case scenario too often (I'm sure you're shocked). Has anybody else been in that boat? I appreciate any and all insight. My kudos to you if you made it all the way to the end. Thank you!!
I do have a bit of a tendency to ramble and get long-winded, so apologies in advance...bear with me.
1. Some background: I'm a 30-y.o. male who's about 6'2" and currently about 380lbs. I would say that I've struggled with my weight for my whole life, but honestly "struggled" feels like the wrong word as for the most part I've just sort of accepted it and not given it much thought. Either way, it would at least be accurate to say that I've been overweight for pretty much as long as I can remember. I found an old 9th/10th grade football program, and at that time (so that would've been like...2006ish) I was listed at 6'0" and 250lbs. But, I've always just kind of been the "big guy" and never really cared too much one way or the other. I've tried diets here and there and nothing really worked but at the end of the day I'm happy with who I am and didn't feel super pressed to change much.
Anyways, about 18 months ago I got a new primary doctor and he had mentioned that I might be a good candidate for surgery and that we'd had a new bariatric surgeon move to the area who was pretty highly regarded (Dr. Bonanni). I didn't give it much thought, truthfully, but it was kind of in the back of my mind from that time. Two big things caused me to sort of start considering that more. First and foremost is that I had my first child. He's 5 months old, and obviously I want to be around as long as possible for him (and my wife, of course). Second is that I ended up catching COVID over the summer. I'm vaccinated and truthfully it was fairly mild, but I couldn't help but find myself thinking "this could potentially be a lot worse for me just because of my weight". Up until that point I hadn't really had any 'problems' due to my weight, so I hadn't considered the possibility of them coming up or the possibility of things that would perhaps be minor for others becoming a major issue for me.
So, I decided to pursue that option and got an appointment set up with Dr. Bonanni. Our first meeting was on August 2, and he recommended the DS for me as at the time my BMI (rounded up) was right at 50 and he felt that it would provide me with the best long-term results. Luckily for me, my insurance doesn't have any mandatory waiting period nor any required weight loss, so it is pretty much just the hospital's three-month program and that's it. I was also told my insurance would cover VSG, RNY, and DS, but not the SADI. I should add that Dr. Bonanni did mention the possibility of performing the traditional DS with a "modified" common channel so as to not have as severe malabsorption, in his words (as I remember them!) With all that in mind, I guess I'm looking at being eligible to schedule my surgery sometime around November of this year, more or less.
Part of me is definitely excited. But I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't finding myself just bombarded with all kinds of unexpected (and probably irrational!) fears/worries/doubts/etc. So that's why I'm here!
2. I'm quickly finding that I've got a lot of anxiety about hospitalization/medical procedures/surgery/etc. It's not like crippling or anything, but definitely making me more nervous than I thought I would be. I've never had any form of surgery nor anesthesia, save for local anesthetic for something small like a few stiches. So I'm awfully worried about having to get put under general anesthesia and the idea of having parts of me removed and reorganized really makes me shudder a bit. I know that both components (DS and general anesthesia) are generally very safe, but I still find myself being irrationally afraid of the surgeon nicking an artery and having me bleed out or the anesthesiologist being unable to wake me up or something like that. It's like...if I see a statistic that says "This surgery has a 1% mortality rate" for some reason my brain interprets that as "You're probably gonna die in the OR," haha. That's probably not particularly healthy, if I had to guess...As part of the hospital's surgical program I am set to meet with a psychologist in a couple of weeks, but I'm curious: Did any of you deal with similar fears/worries? What did you find helped to alleviate those fears? I am trying to remind myself that thankfully I'm still (relatively) healthy and young and that most complications are going to occur in patients who are a.) older than I am b.) heavier than I am or c.) have more preexisting conditions than I have, but you know how it goes...we don't always think as rationally as we would like.
3. It's kind of a weird worry to have at the moment, but I have a strange fear about just wasting away to skin and bones. I'm sure some of it has to do with your perception and what you're used to seeing but I feel like I see some people who have surgery done and lose so much weight that it starts looking unnatural. I like to weight lift and would hope to be able to keep doing that in order to maintain as much strength as I can and to stay a bit "filled out" but then I'd worry that I'll have a hard time getting in enough protein/nutrients etc to be able to account for what is lost through lifting on top of the already steep nutrient/supplementation requirements for DS to begin with.
4. I'm sure this is a common question but...clothes. How do you deal with the "in-between" or "transition" periods? About how long should one generally expect it to take for them to reach their "end" size? I can't afford to buy new clothes for each size-change (and I'm sure that's the case for most), so what are you doing to make that work? A lot of thrift-shopping? Buying things and wearing them until they're too big, or buying things a bit small knowing that you'll make your way into it?
5. One of my bigger concerns: I'm wondering if anyone has heard from any "senior-age" DS patients? I'm still relatively young and - from what I can tell - considerably below the average age for DS surgery. Does anyone have any record of/insight regarding living post-DS for (hopefully) 30, 40, 50 years?
I know that without losing the weight I probably don't make it to that age, but at the same time I feel like there's just not a ton of information (that I've found) for people living their lives with DS for that long, which kind of concerns me. I'm not super worried about long-term vitamin/supplement compliance (unless I happen to make it to a nursing home or something, haha) but I don't know... It just makes me worried that more "problems" will pop up down the road or something. Who's the oldest (person who's had DS the longest) vet in here?
6. Some simple recovery questions: I feel like I see a lot of horror stories about recovery but also see a lot of people talking like it was basically a breeze. Or, for example, I've seen many women who've had C-sections say that the recovery for that was a lot worse than DS/other WLS. Obviously I haven't (and won't!) ever have a c-section myself, but my wife did and so I was present for her recovery and she never made it seem unmanageable. On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being a walk in the park and 10 being a hike up Everest, how difficult did you find the recovery?
I've also been a stomach-sleeper for as long as I can remember. I can sometimes sleep on my side okay but have NEVER been able to get a good night's sleep on my back. I always just fall into a weird half-sleep and "wake up" some hours later feeling like I just laid down a few minutes ago and feeling very un-rested. I'm sure I'll have bigger things to worry about, but any idea how long it'll be before I'll be able to sleep on my stomach again? Should I just accept not getting a good sleep until I'm all patched up and recovered?
Also, as mentioned above: I have a five-month old. He weighs probably 15lbs, give or take I guess. I think was like 13 at his 4-month checkup. Will I be able to pick him up - or how long until I'll be able to do that?
How long did you take off from work? I work in IT so it's not particularly demanding. Sometimes have to move around PC components, but I'm sure they'd be willing to accommodate so that I don't have to lift anything heavy. I was roughly expecting to take off three weeks but I'm curious as to how long you were out for.
7. Did you see any "unexpected" benefits? I'm not sure the best way to put it. Like above, I've been heavy for my whole life but I don't feel particularly "limited" or "burdened" by my weight. Part of me wonders if I've just sort of always adapted to dealing with carrying all that extra weight around, so I don't feel like it's any extra effort, when in reality it actually is - I'm just used to it. It's like...imagine if you were wearing a backpack full of bricks for your whole life. You're used to it and it doesn't feel like "Extra" or like it's giving you any grief. But take the bricks out of that backpack and you'll sure notice - probably feel a lot more nimble and less "weighed-down" too. I don't know if that makes sense, but that's the best way I can phrase it...
8. AND finally...I guess I would say that my main worry (or one of them) at the moment is just that...I'm happy right now! I like the person that I am. I'm not miserable and I don't hate myself. I'm in relatively good emotional-health (although as you can see - a bit of a worrier). I don't LOVE the way I look, but frankly I just don't give it much consideration one way or another. All in all, I have a good life and I'm happy with what I have. I'm not interested in getting surgery because I think it will make me look better or improve my self-esteem or like myself more or be happier (Not judging anyone else's reasons, just looking at my own). I'm just doing it solely because I believe it's best for my long-term health prospects. If there was some sort of magic pill I could take that would guarantee me a full and full life with my family - even if I still was the same size and had trouble finding clothes or fitting on roller coasters - I'd take it in a heartbeat. I just want to be healthier; I don't want to change who I am. I don't need to be smaller to feel happy and fulfilled.
SO, with all that said - I guess I am just worried about making such a drastic change. I'm worried that I'll end up making myself miserable right now for health benefits that I potentially won't see for a long while yet. I'm worried that my personality/mood will change and I won't like who I become. I'm worried about messing up my "good life." I'm worried that in 30 years I'll be a mess or something because I've had to go so long with a modified digestive system.
I'm worried about the impact it'll have on my marriage. My wife and I have a great relationship, but I hear all these horror stories about how bariatric surgery ruins relationships or causes divorces and I just hate that. Like, to be perfectly honest I'd sooner not get the surgery and die sooner if getting the surgery meant it would ruin my marriage or something. I'd rather have a shorter lifespan with a happy and intact family than to live longer but see my relationship(s) fall apart and make my son grow up with divorced parents or whatnot. That's not really an option for me.
Basically: can you make such a drastic change without fundamentally changing who you are?
Anyways, you get the idea. I'm sure a lot of these worries are fairly common, but I figured this was a good place to get my head straightened out and to have some fears relieved. I have always been a bit of an over-thinker and tend to consider the worst-case scenario too often (I'm sure you're shocked). Has anybody else been in that boat? I appreciate any and all insight. My kudos to you if you made it all the way to the end. Thank you!!
