Wedding woes update

[-Flo-]

So many of you may remember, I posted earlier about my brother's wedding. I was hurt because my future sister in law did not ask me to be a bridesmaid and from my impression, it was because of my weight and how I might ruin the pictures. Well the wedding is 10 days away and we get an email from the bride's father with a dance he wants us to learn to surprise the bride and groom with. Now her side of the family are all dancers, one even owns a studio. My side of the family does not dance. we never took lessons, two left feet all around. There is no time to practice the dance together as we are flying in for the wedding and did not allot any time for this. So we are expected to learn a complicated dance routine, to a full song in 10 days and be prepared to perform it infront of 300 people. I'm pissed. No one asked if I wanted to do this. Their side of the family have been practicing and I normally never ever dance.

I feel like if I say no, then I am a big party pooper. But I know if I say that I will do it, I will be a nervous wreck and not be able to enjoy my brother's wedding. It is one thing to be a bridesmaid which just involves standing there, it is another thing to dance a complicated routine.

What would you do?

 

[hilary1617]

Well, the good news is that you are definitely being included, so your concern of exclusion is ruled out.

I'd see what it was before answering one way or the other. I'd give it a try or two and if it didn't work for me, I'd make my own moves, or note that I have a "tricky knee and am so disappointed not to be able to participate". And if that didn't work for me, I'd make a strategic exit stage left to the ladies room at the assigned time...

It's a big crowd, but keep in mind it probably is 300 people you'll probably never see again who probably don't care how the dance goes and want to get to the open bar asap.

 

[KathrynK]

Maybe he is just inept at social relationships and trying to make up for realizing he didn't ask you in time. Or maybe, he is inviting you just to have you say 'no thanks', knowing that you can't practice it in time, so his family can have the spotlight. Your family can stay on the side, clap along with the music, smile broadly, and pretend this is ok for your brother's sake. Don't try to learn the dance if you don't think you will be comfortable doing it.

It is not a talent contest. You aren't marrying into the family, your brother is. The bride's family is hosting the party, it is in their city, so they are more involved in the planning and will have a bigger role. For a few hours, you can give your brother the wedding present of you and your family pretending to love everything. Just be a happy guest at the celebration for the bride and groom. You are a special guest because you are in the groom's family, but don't expect much from this crew. It isn't about you or your feelings. (The best part of going to weddings like this is the dishing afterwards and laughing about how stupid they looked dancing!) Your role is to leave your brother thinking you had a great time and that you love him enough to hide your feelings so he can have a great day. I would work hard on a great toast to the bride and groom that will be remembered for its generosity and love. When they go,low, you go high.

 

[JackieOnLine]

very nice post, KathrynK

But I know if I say that I will do it, I will be a nervous wreck and not be able to enjoy my brother's wedding.

then don't do it - nobody asked if you would so I think that's fair. if you need to say why, make up something short and don't explain it. My podiatrist told me to stay off the foot as much as possible for now. or whatever you think of, the point is a gentle but firm NO. they should have asked before just announcing it, clearly.

I hope you have a nice time anyway.

 

[k9ophile]

"How kind of you to think of me. As much as I would love to dance with you, I'm afraid that isn't one of my talents. I am great at applauding and will star in that role. I'm looking forward to the wedding and wishing the newlyweds well."

Or something like that.

 

[-Flo-]

Thank you all for understanding. I'll try to pretend to be happy and enjoy the night.

 

[newanatomy]

Try to remember that the wedding couple is thinking the day is "all about them". It seems like the brides family is trying to do some fun things. They don't know what it is like to be obese. I am sure in their minds they are including everyone in the fun. Just try to have a good time. I am sure it isn't meant to hurt you in any way.