I think you expressed one of the dilemmas very well.
On a personal note, I was once misidentified as a burglary suspect resulting in four angry cops pointing rifles at my head and forcing me to the ground. I was put in handcuffs. It was scary and humiliating as it was in public. After they figured out I wasn't their guy I was released without so much as a "Sorry about that." I lodged a complaint but let it go after that. What I didn't do was resist, demand immediate answers to all my questions, move suddenly, etc
I think the cops were wrong and overly aggressive but that wasn't the time or place to adjudicate my grievances. Just as it isn't a cop's place to act as judge, jury or executioner. All of that is for the courts.
The moral of the story is I'm alive because I didn't internalize it (I know as a white guy that's a lot easier for me to say). But I think a lot of people -- black, white, Latino, etc -- end up shot because they try to hold court right there in the streets. Don't. Video tape them, get witnesses, get a lawyer, don't consent to searches, but don't put a fight. I have never seen anyone win a fight with cops. Ever.
@marquisemark, I'm glad unlike blacks and Mexicans you had the good since to remain calm and stay alive. I believe that's part of the problem you assume all black men, women, people are angry or aggressive. The videos that I saw showed black men following orders, talking calm, explaining they were following orders and were STILL murdered. Apparently only mild manner white folks know how to remain calm and compliant. Anyways no use in fighting a loosing battle we haven't gotten anywhere thus far one more angry aggressive black women will just make others justify why something happened to her later in life.