attempting to socialize

[JackieOnLine]

last summer I joined a "meetup" group here and that didn't go very well. among other things, they always were drinking even after the non drinking meetups such as hiking. I was nervous and awkward and only went to ...was it three meetups?

now, as I am in this wave of increased anxiety (which will pass!!!!) I am attempting to re-connect with friends and even one of my brothers. this doesn't seem to be going well and I can tell I have the stink of desperation on me. the more I feel lonely, the more "needy" I get and I know this puts people off.

for some time now, I have realized that financially I shouldn't be living alone. I sporadically read and answer craig's lists ads for roommates wanted but it's hard to find a place when you have a dog - and she won't fit in with most of the other dogs out there. my point is, when I am trying to talk to friends I used to be close to (a long time ago in some cases) I have to stop myself from saying "can I come and live with you?!" because that isn't even appropriate.

I need to team up with somebody, but I'd be a good roommate. I'd be responsible and clean up and generally be helpful. hell, I need to be needed!

damn, this is a downer of a post. but that's where I am, so I'm sharing it.

 

[hilary1617]

Do you have a spare bedroom Could you advertise for a roommate to come join you at your place?

 

[JackieOnLine]

it's a very good idea I have considered. sadly, there is a big fat issue with my landlord (more stress) and that has made me not want to try it.
I should give it more thought, however, thank you

 

[k9ophile]

No pearls of wisdom, just a virtual (FWIW, I dislike people who only share happy ****. I like real in all shapes and forms, and sometimes that's not all unicorns and glitter.)

I'm also pleased to read that you realize the anxiety will pass. Be proud of that skill you've acquired to realize that it does pass. My anxiety about my sinking house and selling my farmland will pass as well. I just wish it would hurry up. It's getting boring and some new anxieties might be interesting.

 

[Munchkin]

Be careful! Sometime if you have a couple free days I could tell you all about my room mate experience.

 

[southernlady]

Other than high school and the 2 months of ROTC camp, my only roommate experience is my husband. And he does pretty well.

Good luck with whatever you do, Jackie.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Okay, so the People Gods would advise you to ignore me on topics of social skills, as I have none. My smart-ass daughter says that I strike apathy in the heart of no one. She may be right...and what's worse is that I'm almost always okay with that...lol. As I have previously mentioned, my kindergarten report card says, "...if the other children don't want to play Susie's way, she'd rather play alone." I still don't see that as a negative. Anyway, may I suggest...

Meeting up in order to meet up may prove less productive than engaging in something you care about that, by its nature, involves lots of people. So...if you're not afraid of hammers, Habitat for Humanity; if you want to grow your own cheap food, maybe a community garden project; there are groups that pack Goodie Bags to send to deployed military folks; some places have an Operation Backpack thing, where they pack food for the weekend or Spring Break for children whose only sure meals are free breakfast and lunch at school.

In your situation right now, I'd avoid soup kitchens or becoming a CASA volunteer...too depressing. But maybe a Food Bank or Neighborhood Pantry if it's big enough that you'd interact with lots of volunteers?

Google "volunteer opportunities" and see if something sounds like you!

 

[JackieOnLine]

SB that is truly excellent advice, thank you.
I have tried a bit of that - I went through the (dumb, not very useful) classes to volunteer at the Humane Society but actually going there didn't work out at all.
but I know that is the kind of thing that works: meet people in the way of doing something you care about makes a lot more sense than just meeting people to have drinks with.

I will keep this in mind.

 

[DianaCox]

I recently saw, but can’t find right now, a post on our community egroup about an elderly woman in our community who was looking for a live-in companion. With your credentials, perhaps something like that might be a possibility, here or anywhere else? You could probably also work - in a 55+ community, there are often part time positions available for people who need some help here and there.

 

[JackieOnLine]

yes, I have and would consider being a live-in companion and/or caregiver. biggest issue is I have to be able to bring my dog.
I have answered a lot of ads on Craig's list for caregiver and usually it's the dog that is the problem. or, people need enough care that the live-in (there primarily for nights and weekends) has to be "on call" during the day in case the week day caregiver cancels, which makes it hard to also have a job.

 

[Sheanie]

Do you visit dog parks? You can tell how people are by how they treat animals. Personally, I dont trust people who dont like dogs.

 

[JackieOnLine]

I do, but go to the small unfenced park where there aren't a lot of dogs and the big fenced one only very early (this summer I would go before the sun came up and dodge the sprinklers) because my dog is currently not socialized to be around other dogs and behave.

I actually hired a dog trainer to give us a private lesson about a month ago - which I think went ok - except he didn't show up for the next lesson so maybe it didn't.

right before we moved to NV I was walking my three dogs and a loose dog attacked my pom (who has since gone to heaven) - I regret not realizing a lot early the affect that had on Bunny. and on me!

 

[Sheanie]

We have our dtrs akita, Lucy, 80% of the time. I socialized her. Dtr obedience trained her from a feral abandoned dog to being off leash obedient. Quite impressive. Socializing was tricky, as she is a very dangerous-looking dog. We lost our labradear, Sadie, a year ago, and Lucy has filled the void.

I have trained 6 dogs. Big dogs are way easier. Tiny toy breeds are the hardest. Those are impossible to fully house break. Males are easier in toy breeds. Females in large breeds, for me.

Kennel cough is rampant here in dog parks. Only reason we shun them. Lucy is naturally dominant, and does not start fights. I love reading her body language. The side-eye she gives me when she is outside hunting and I call her in. Her trust building exercises she does with squirrels. Her perimeter checks of the yard and house. You can set your clock to those. Akitas are not barkers. They talk, or yodel-aroo, and only when happy. Seeing her in full "ridge" is spectacular, from head to tail tip, everything stands up. That always backs people away, which I like.

Your dog can be socialized. Take it one person at a time, and make the person totally ignore her. Do not make eye contact. Then, as permitted, accidental contact, as she relaxes. I have trained the neighbors 2 cairn ******* not to fight on leash. They were long time enemies, and the talk of the street. Turns out, the instigator needed 16 rotten teeth pulled. That may have been the whole problem, irresponsible or negligent pet owner.

Good luck.

 

[Sheanie]

Oh, and my famous saying, "a tired out dog is a good dog".

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Oh, and my famous saying, "a tired out dog is a good dog".

Ut-oh.


Okay, there are dogs I can tolerate and OCCASIONAL dogs I really like. But I have doggy PTSD....