The Never-Ending Mind Game

[Spiky Bugger]

I never really got to a low, my high was 350ish. I kind of stopped when I hit 180 and I've slowly migrated to 170ish. I'm 5 6 and 52 years old and will be three years out in November. Sheesh, good enough I guess. Would I like to be (my minds idea of) thin...hell yeah!! I want to be a size 6...yeah right! It's good. Last night when I was laying in bed, I discovered I have like half ribs. Two of them to be exact on each side. My bones freak me out on a regular basis. I've been obese my whole life so when I put my hands on my hips and feel bone, it startles me..hell, it freaks me the f out! I'm in the store in front of the laundry soap and I put my hands on my hips while comparing prices, I lose focus on what I'm doing every time, the bones win. My collar bones are an endless source of amusement to me, sitting in meetings I rub my fingers up and down them amazed that they grew there all of a sudden..What did he just say? I look at my legs and they belong to someone else, those can't be mine. In the store, I go straight to the big size department and am so disappointed when they don't have a 14. I'll try a 1x on in the hopes it won't drape weird, it always does, if I had boobs left, I might get away with it.

My head will always identify as the fat girl. I drop something and still wait for someone to pick it up for me because I can't (but really I can now, I'm just conditioned to believe I can't). I go sideways through turnstiles, look at booths and assume I won't fit. I still have some of my old nightgowns and when I'm feeling low, I wear them to bed.. they offer me comfort of an odd sort even though I have to constantly adjust so they don't fall down. I fold my clothes and my latest mindtalk is that they'll just stretch when I put them on because that won't fit me. I wear a size 7 undies now and find that bikinis of all things are comfortable. No more granny briefs for me.

I don't think the head games will ever stop. If that's a side effect of having a long healthy life, so be it. It really doesn't effect anything but the perception of self. That and not being able to eyeball something to see if it will fit

I wouldn't change my DS. I'd do it every year if need be.

Still entering restaurants looking for tables because you know you won't fit in a booth? Still packing three of everything when going out of town overnight...because you know that you cannot find anything in your size when on the road?

 

[Munchkin]

Not for me. (I was a band to DS revision.)

I do think the body does hit its low weight and then adjusts. But I don't think that the DS makes it happen at a lower weight. I think the DS keeps working and the other surgeries, most of the time, do not.

The DS provides a lot of restriction (smaller stomach) malabsorption...forever. The RnY provides a little malabsorption...forever. The VSG just provides restriction.

I think that over time, small stomachs get bigger. When that happens, the DSers still have malabsorption. They CAN eat/drink around it. Carbs are still absorbed. But they can go back to eating steak and eggs and lose weight. That doesn't work with just restriction.

Can't prove it but I honestly believe the generic proximal RNY offers NO longterm malabsorbtion. The guts adapt and grow a few more villi per cm and voila, malabsorbtion gone.

 

[Munchkin]

EN, I don't think it's just the formerly MO. It's all women. We have all been brainwashed into believing whatever we have or haven't got, it just isn't good enough. Don't think I have ever known a woman who was pleased with her body.

I want to be a stick with a head too but that ain't happening. And I want plastics and hernia repair too. My wet dream is this PS in Columbia who will literally suck all the fat out of your body and then fix the sag! Extreme Liposculpture! I despise being a 7 breasted woman who still has to wear tops 3 sizes too big. Would love to tuck in a shirt just once in my life!

 

[kirmy]

Yeh...tell it sister!

 

[Will2014]

Good self reflection there Elizabeth and thanks for posting it. There's a reason the recidivism rate for obese folks in general (not bariatric surgery folks) is greater than that for heroin addicts at 93%. We all certainly have well established "mind games" we've used for decades to justify eating whatever we want, and were damn good at them! Remember also the incessant propaganda influence our society is subjected to on a daily basis by corporations hocking the carb laden products that are killing us all. Especially in the "social media era" we are hammered unrelentingly with adds promoting poor eating habits. Damn! We're getting it both from the inside and the outside!
Now, not to get all wimpy on the subject or in any way lesson the importance of this message, but there is some good news regarding life expectancy and weight. In 3 major studies including a 40 yr HUGE study completed recently (Duke University...? Google it... I can't remember!!) a surprising outcome has emerged. The people living the longest are moderately chunky folks! The 1st to die are skinny people, next are the super obese, then obese. Chunky or slightly fat people actually outlive "normal weight" folks as defined by those ridiculous height weight charts developed by the insurance industry 100 yrs ago. But I know there are other issues here besides longevity , such as body image and feeling healthier, having energy, etc. Appreciate the post.