Susan, K9ophile, and the rest of y’all

[Spiky Bugger]

I watched a clip of Colbert interviewing Paul Simon. Colbert and his mother were really struck by the lyrics on the middle of this. Now I am, too. From Simon’s Slip Slidin’ Away, which he wrote in his early 30s. How did he know!?!


And, I know a woman
Became a wife
These are the very words she uses to describe her life
She said, “A good day
Ain’t got no rain”
She said, “A bad day’s when I lie in bed
And think of things that might have been”


If you have moments like the woman in the song had, take comfort in knowing that Paul Simon understands.


Source:
https://www.paulsimon.com/track/slip-slidin-away/

 

[k9ophile]

I'd chalk it up to acute observation skills. When I was in my 20's, I had a good friend who was old enough to be my mother. I learned more about some things that I never would have learned from my mom. I also think my mom at least felt this way, but never articulated it.

 

[JackieOnLine]

How did he know!?!

poetic genius?

I love Paul Simon's writing and want to see the new documentary but likely it'll be awhile since I will wait until I can see it for free.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

poetic genius?

I love Paul Simon's writing and want to see the new documentary but likely it'll be awhile since I will wait until I can see it for free.

Me, too.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Thinking of “things that might have been”..,

Today, all he did was not turn where we needed to turn and added a mile or so and a couple of minutes to our trek. Not a huge deal, except that yesterday, he managed to turn a 1.5 mile trip into a 30 minute drive.

He is still capable of operating the car. I’m just not convinced that he will respond well in an unexpected event. (I may just sign up for a couple of driving lessons for me. I have avoided driving whilst on opioids, which I’ve been using for a LONG time, and while dealing with a broken back. I may need a bit of supervised practice.)

Oh, yeah…also yesterday, he went to CVS to pick up a prescription. Either $5 or $10 prescription. About $178 later, he was done. At least he didn’t forget the meds. I keep pushing for online ordering OF EVERYTHING with either home delivery or just ordering online and picking up the orders at the store. (I had him pick up an order at Sam’s Club today while I was getting my iron infusion. That way, he was “locked in” in terms of how much time he had and couldn’t make other stops.)

The thing that’s hardest at this point in our journey is that he is just as sure he knows what he’s talking about when he’s WAY out in left field as he is when he is 100% correct. That puts me in the position of (silently, usually) of doubting everything he says, just in case. And next minute, he remembers something I have forgotten. AAARRRRGGGGHHH!!

After 50+ years of doing the things we do our way, I’m no longer just his wife/best friend/sparring partner/etc. Now, everything has to be…or at least SHOULD BE…filtered through the “caregiver,” or “first, do no wrong” censor. Spontaneity is rapidly vanishing. That’s a HUGE change.

 

[Susan in Tennessee]

Thinking of “things that might have been”..,

Today, all he did was not turn where we needed to turn and added a mile or so and a couple of minutes to our trek. Not a huge deal, except that yesterday, he managed to turn a 1.5 mile trip into a 30 minute drive.

He is still capable of operating the car. I’m just not convinced that he will respond well in an unexpected event. (I may just sign up for a couple of driving lessons for me. I have avoided driving whilst on opioids, which I’ve been using for a LONG time, and while dealing with a broken back. I may need a bit of supervised practice.)

Oh, yeah…also yesterday, he went to CVS to pick up a prescription. Either $5 or $10 prescription. About $178 later, he was done. At least he didn’t forget the meds. I keep pushing for online ordering OF EVERYTHING with either home delivery or just ordering online and picking up the orders at the store. (I had him pick up an order at Sam’s Club today while I was getting my iron infusion. That way, he was “locked in” in terms of how much time he had and couldn’t make other stops.)

The thing that’s hardest at this point in our journey is that he is just as sure he knows what he’s talking about when he’s WAY out in left field as he is when he is 100% correct. That puts me in the position of (silently, usually) of doubting everything he says, just in case. And next minute, he remembers something I have forgotten. AAARRRRGGGGHHH!!

After 50+ years of doing the things we do our way, I’m no longer just his wife/best friend/sparring partner/etc. Now, everything has to be…or at least SHOULD BE…filtered through the “caregiver,” or “first, do no wrong” censor. Spontaneity is rapidly vanishing. That’s a HUGE change.

You have taken my words and thoughts directly out of my mouth and mind, especially the part about so strongly believing even the crazy things he dreams up as having happened …then a bit later telling me some factoid I’d forgotten! Yes, the feeling of always having to check and verify gets so very tiring. Bill only drives his little truck to the county trash receiving station a few miles down the road and over to church when we haul our push mower over there to mow the small yard. All other times I drive the Honda. The simple driving skills are good it’s things like remembering to put it in park, etc and if driving in town, things like when to yield, lanes to turn from etc that worry me so I cut it off…so far successfully. The other day I sent him to take the trash and he took off with the bag I had from the house but forgot the three other bags in the trash cans outside. I realized it, started calling him right away but he never would answer, so I took them later. It’s a miracle if he ever hears or is able to answer his cell phone. He hits buttons on the side of it unknowingly and it puts insolent mode, and granted this is very poor design of the phone but he can’t remember to beware or how to remedy it, or even turn the phone off for that matter. He only wants a flip phone yet tries to turn it off by touching the screen. Lol. I could go on and on.

The struggles are REAL!

Susan

 

[JackieOnLine]

He is still capable of operating the car. I’m just not convinced that he will respond well in an unexpected event.

Feels like I need to point out responding appropriately in an unexpected event is part of driving. An important part.
I hope you do practice driving and get him into the habit of being the passenger.

Now, everything has to be…or at least SHOULD BE…filtered through the “caregiver,” or “first, do no wrong” censor. Spontaneity is rapidly vanishing. That’s a HUGE change.

this is going on all over: one spouse is the 24/7 caregiver for the other and/or two spouses with various deficits are together making one functional unit. I'm sure there is no where near enough support for you out there (thank God for mini Sue in your case) but I hope you can find whatever help you need.

It’s a miracle if he ever hears or is able to answer his cell phone. He hits buttons on the side of it unknowingly and it puts insolent mode

I know you meant to type "in silent" but thank you for the laugh this morning, since it would be so hard to have a spouse who put his phone in insolent mode!

The struggles are REAL!

they are and I want the two of you to realize that the burden of this kind of 24/7 caregiving is something you can tolerate up to a point and who knows what that point is and when you reach it? or that point (I imagine) comes and goes in waves. whatever, it has to be exhausting and drains you for taking care of your own health. I mean, I can only imagine what that is like.

PLEASE tell me you both have options for respite care. options plural would be best!

 

[Susan in Tennessee]

I made myself chuckle as well when I saw what I’d typed right AFTER it posted! I think insolent mode is pertaining to the user! Lol

 

[southernlady]

and/or two spouses with various deficits are together making one functional unit.

Charles and I still jokingly say we have Swiss cheese brains. As long as the holes don’t line up, we’re okay.

 

[navygrrl]

I'm mostly in insolent mode, LOL.

 

[Larra]

My phone also has an insolent mode.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

”Feels like I need to point out responding appropriately in an unexpected event is part of driving. An important part.
I hope you do practice driving and get him into the habit of being the passenger. “

I learned decades ago, with my retired cop grandfather, that taking an adult male’s car keys is nigh unto impossible! I remember that he said, “I have three things no one is taking from me…my badge, my gun and my car keys.”

But I think I’ve figured a work around. A local driving school has a 1.5 hour Senior Citizen Evaluation special…mostly for people who are afraid they might not pass a behind-the-wheel test at Department of Motor Vehicles. My license is good for a few more years, so I don’t need to “cram” for a test. But I have only driven around the block and then moved the car within a parking space…and that’s it for several years. Once I broke my back, I couldn’t move enough to look over my shoulder to back up or parallel park and then I felt that people who are loaded on opioids probably shouldn’t point a few tons of metal at others and make it move fast. The driving school owner said she would first observe me in her dual-control vehicle and, if she felt it was safe, we could move to my car, as that’s what I’ll drive most of the time. And she said she’d level with me as to whether I belong behind the wheel. My plan is to pass that evaluation and then convince MrSue (I’ve already started) that it would be a great idea to do the same test BEFORE the VA starts talking about reporting him to DMV and he has to take a behind the wheel test.

 

[JackieOnLine]

it's a good plan; you are a smart woman.

As long as the holes don’t line up, we’re okay.

I'm glad you two have each other.

 

[Larra]

Good plan. Taking car keys away from someone who, through no fault of their own, should no longer be behind the wheel is definitely a tough sell.

 

[Georgepds]

Re regrets

I flashed on two media reflections

Edith Piaf's "je ne regrette rien" ( my favorite song of hers)

And Robert Redford, in Jeremiah Johnson, responding "no regrets" after being hunted all over the Rockies by native Americans lusting after his scalp.

It's a different attitude, and one that seems to be fading fast, but one of acceptance of what life tosses your way and how you deal with it, mistakes and all.

Another is a koan in "zen bones zen flesh". A distraught young mother fingers the chaste zen master as the father, who responds " is that so" and raises the kid. Years later the mother regrets the separation, repudiates her accusation, and gets the kid back. Our zen master's comment " is that so"


Alas... frustration is another matter entirely