Spiky Bugger
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2014
- Messages
- 6,363
About 47 years ago, my kid and another kid became preschool BFFs. The other kid’s mom and I really hit it off. Other mom soon had another baby. Life went on. As was done back then, we followed our husbands and their jobs. We phoned, we wrote, there were RARE (it was 2300+ miles each way) in-person visits. We shared our life events, mostly in writing, over the years.
On one phone call, I whined that MY irresponsible twit daughter had procrastinated herself down to TWO college choices, as she had missed all the other deadlines. Other Mom said,”I’ll see your ‘irresponsible twit’ and raise you a pregnant high school dropout roaming the country with the father-to be. She’s on YOUR coast now.”
We joined Other Mom, Other Kid et al at the in-a-lovely-park wedding, 2.5 hours north of our home. My kid was the vocalist and I put mucho rum in the rum cake. After the baby was born, My Kid and her then boyfriend, went to visit Other Kid, the baby and the baby daddy. Baby Daddy was gone. The other kid was obviously terrified, had been crying and was sporting growing bruises. She invented a story about having been mugged by a stranger. Everyone knew better.
The next day, I called Other Mom and told her what had been observed. She had feared something like that. I said that Other Kid…and baby…would always and forever be welcome at our home, but not Baby Daddy because I would not be able to NOT try to kill him and didn’t want to live in a jail. Other Mom said she understood.
But distance, and Other Kid’s decision to stay with the abusive ass, complicated contact and…after 20+ years… we drifted apart. About 15 years later My Kid and Other Kid hooked up via FB. She and Other Mother were not on very good terms. She and little sister were not speaking. Other Mother’s husband lived elsewhere. Time passed and I was told that Other Mother had Advanced Dementia and that Younger Sister was totally caring for their mother, who died in late March.
I still have the letters (in storage, but I get them in two weeks)…the Mom-to-Mom letters wherein a number of things were discussed. Including Other Kid and her sister. Obviously, My Kid, who told Other Kid that the letters exist, thinks I should hand the letters over to HER BUDDY, the Other Kid.
In my mind, MY BUDDY…who I am sure loved her daughters equally…shared her thoughts with ME. Would it be GOOD for the daughters to learn how they were making their mom crazy? Would it be BAD that each daughter could read what she wrote, while venting, about herself and the other daughter?
Should I say:
1–WHAT letters(?);
2–Here are the letters that don’t say anything bad about either of you;
3–Here they ALL are; work it out amongst yourselves?
Given that I’m dealing with the early stages of MrSue’s dementia, I’m impressed by how Younger Daughter did all the caregiving without even ongoing ORAL support from her big sister. Just sayin’.
Well…???
On one phone call, I whined that MY irresponsible twit daughter had procrastinated herself down to TWO college choices, as she had missed all the other deadlines. Other Mom said,”I’ll see your ‘irresponsible twit’ and raise you a pregnant high school dropout roaming the country with the father-to be. She’s on YOUR coast now.”
We joined Other Mom, Other Kid et al at the in-a-lovely-park wedding, 2.5 hours north of our home. My kid was the vocalist and I put mucho rum in the rum cake. After the baby was born, My Kid and her then boyfriend, went to visit Other Kid, the baby and the baby daddy. Baby Daddy was gone. The other kid was obviously terrified, had been crying and was sporting growing bruises. She invented a story about having been mugged by a stranger. Everyone knew better.
The next day, I called Other Mom and told her what had been observed. She had feared something like that. I said that Other Kid…and baby…would always and forever be welcome at our home, but not Baby Daddy because I would not be able to NOT try to kill him and didn’t want to live in a jail. Other Mom said she understood.
But distance, and Other Kid’s decision to stay with the abusive ass, complicated contact and…after 20+ years… we drifted apart. About 15 years later My Kid and Other Kid hooked up via FB. She and Other Mother were not on very good terms. She and little sister were not speaking. Other Mother’s husband lived elsewhere. Time passed and I was told that Other Mother had Advanced Dementia and that Younger Sister was totally caring for their mother, who died in late March.
I still have the letters (in storage, but I get them in two weeks)…the Mom-to-Mom letters wherein a number of things were discussed. Including Other Kid and her sister. Obviously, My Kid, who told Other Kid that the letters exist, thinks I should hand the letters over to HER BUDDY, the Other Kid.
In my mind, MY BUDDY…who I am sure loved her daughters equally…shared her thoughts with ME. Would it be GOOD for the daughters to learn how they were making their mom crazy? Would it be BAD that each daughter could read what she wrote, while venting, about herself and the other daughter?
Should I say:
1–WHAT letters(?);
2–Here are the letters that don’t say anything bad about either of you;
3–Here they ALL are; work it out amongst yourselves?
Given that I’m dealing with the early stages of MrSue’s dementia, I’m impressed by how Younger Daughter did all the caregiving without even ongoing ORAL support from her big sister. Just sayin’.
Well…???
