I'm going to try to buy a home

[hilary1617]

I've changed my mind about staying here - it's too far north and I'm in a Gorge, and the shady side to boot. there are people and things I like here, but it's not going to work. and I can't work with this boss indefinitely even if the work hours stablize.

my depression isn't going away and if I need to get new job - and I do - I might as well look somewhere with more sun.

I feel very lucky I have had enough PTO (so far) to make up for the low hours. I'm hoping to limp through this winter and by Spring be hardcore looking for a better job.

my company - which I do like - currently only has jobs where it's more cloudy and more expensive to live: Seattle and San Francisco.

so I expect to expand my search to other companies and to areas that are way too politically red to be comfortable - like most rural areas are. but if they are sunny, I will make it work.

like everyone else, I sure wish I knew what was going to happen with the pandemic. keep getting worse, I guess.

Home is where your hat is anyway. Hope you find a wonderful sunny sanctuary.

 

[hilary1617]

A reminder that the Phoenix area is REALLY sunny, lots of old people who need therapists, and the prices here are more reasonable than many other places. Probably house sharing with financially comfortable older people who want to not live alone is possible.

But the summers suck.

House sharing is a great idea!

I think my son's best friend will be down the road from you at ASU next year - he picked it for the weather!

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I've changed my mind about staying here - it's too far north and I'm in a Gorge, and the shady side to boot. there are people and things I like here, but it's not going to work. and I can't work with this boss indefinitely even if the work hours stablize.

my depression isn't going away and if I need to get new job - and I do - I might as well look somewhere with more sun.

I feel very lucky I have had enough PTO (so far) to make up for the low hours. I'm hoping to limp through this winter and by Spring be hardcore looking for a better job.

my company - which I do like - currently only has jobs where it's more cloudy and more expensive to live: Seattle and San Francisco.

so I expect to expand my search to other companies and to areas that are way too politically red to be comfortable - like most rural areas are. but if they are sunny, I will make it work.

like everyone else, I sure wish I knew what was going to happen with the pandemic. keep getting worse, I guess.

I was also “a tumbleweed” in my youth. I just read an article that the best way to be able to afford retirement is to stop moving. It ALWAYS costs money. Oh, well, that explains why I’m not rich.

Anyway, here’s my tough love: Consider…wherever you go, there you are. So maybe it isn’t geography. Because wherever you go, you do the same job. Or maybe you are looking for the same connections. And maybe it’s just your approach and ability to persist In seeking what you really want.

When MrSue finds a solution to a problem, he locks into it as THE solution to the problem. He doesn’t seek other ways to address the issue. And if I nag him into trying something new, he gives it the old college try for 30 seconds, fails and then gets pissed at me because “my” way didn’t work, and then he wants to…throw it away, throw it at me, turn the car around, never shop there again…and I have to go deal with what is really a MINOR problem but he wouldn’t persist in finding a solution.

I know you are not like MrSue, but he’s my far-out example. From here, it sounds like people doing your job are not getting much respect. Could that be part of the problem? Is there any other career you might want to tackle? Is there a place you can find the emotional satisfaction that we all need, at an away-from-work place? So that the crappy parts of the job don’t matter?

I just remembered a co-worker, from 50 years ago. A lovely lady who barely satisfactorily performed the job we were doing. She didn’t like it, but it was a paycheck. She was always VERY well-groomed, but her hands looked like they had been engaged in some science experiment. Turned out that she made puppets, semi-professionally. She was connected in the arts...her sister was a working ballerina, all over the country. Her step-son was a successful music producer...so she had contacts in the arts. And, she was the puppet lady. Who knew? And even when she she was at work, her head was with her puppets. Anyway, she probably could have lived/worked anywhere, because all her job gave her was a paycheck w/retirement benefits. Her LIFE was making puppets. Do you have any “puppets?”. (You’ll need them when you retire.)

 

[Susan in Tennessee]

Everyone has given some great advice and food for thought! I’ll toss mine in and then duck. I read something a long time ago that stuck because I’m the sort of person who has an extremely hard time choosing, anything, be it a menu item or which color shirt to buy to career choice! And after I choose I have to try really hard to keep myself from continuing to try to choose, stop already, you chose! Here’s what I read: “instead of trying to make the right decision, try making the decision be right for YOU”. I’m sure there are numerous places you could live to fill the bill on most big ticket wants, some of the less important details can Usually be worked out. I truly hope you can figure something out that won’t set you back too harshly in the pocketbook!

 

[southernlady]

Having been in the market several times, although you nay find your absolute favorite property, don’t hang your happiness on it. It could be sold quickly (especially in a buyer’s market) or they may not agree with your offer.

Don't make it a “it HAS TO BE THIS HOUSE”

 

[hilary1617]

Reading the above thoughtful and wise responses triggered an additional thought.

I have fond childhood memories of a restaurant called Yee Hong Guey in Boston's Chinatown. I loved going there in part because it also meant a trip to the nearby shops and bakery (almond cookies, please!). We'd usually leave with a low-cost trinket or two and more-often-than-not, I'd select a finger trap. I loved the notion of a counterintuitive solution - that everyone feels like they should pull and often they dig into that pulling, trapping themselves further, but that escape can only be found in a push in the opposite direction.

At work and in life, almost any time I feel stuck, I try to think, "what would a finger trap approach to this problem look like?" and see if it works. Just throwing it out there, maybe committing to staying in your current community would lead to finding local solutions to the shade being thrown by both boss and gorge?

Anyway, know you are amazing and anything you decide will be okay!

 

[DianaCox]

Spiky Bugger : is there any chance your friend's name was Margie? https://www.sanjosefuneralservices.com/obituary/2926119
My daughter worked for her for a while, and loved her dearly.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Spiky Bugger : is there any chance your friend's name was Margie? https://www.sanjosefuneralservices.com/obituary/2926119
My daughter worked for her for a while, and loved her dearly.

No. Doris.

 

[JackieOnLine]

There is a reason mobile homes usually depreciate.

I get that, I really do. also that if it's in a park, you are locked in to whatever their rules are. I've never had any kind of HOA and expect it would be hard.

the Phoenix area is REALLY sunny, lots of old people who need therapists, and the prices here are more reasonable than many other places.

I know, but I can't handle the summer - if I moved to AZ it would have to be Flagstaff, or other options higher in elevation.

House sharing is a great idea!

I have been trying to find someone/family to share housing with and so far not having much...luck? probably not the best word.

but honestly, when I moved to Colorado Springs in spring 2019 it was because I believed I could always find a way to make a living if I had a good, stable, affordable place to live. turns out, I didn't have that but I think the theory is still valid.

I spent this past summer answering all the roommate wanted ads I could find.

I’m sure there are numerous places you could live to fill the bill on most big ticket wants,

I don't know if that's true, but I appreciate your post, Susan.

Don't make it a “it HAS TO BE THIS HOUSE”

no, I only felt like that for awhile with my original post. that's over!

Just throwing it out there, maybe committing to staying in your current community would lead to finding local solutions to the shade being thrown by both boss and gorge?

you are such a good writer, Hilary! I thought about this long & hard - commit to this area?? that's what this summer was about: searching for affordable housing and trying to socialize with folks here best I can.

it's left me feeling - right or wrong - that another relocation is best.

the most important thing that happened was I got to travel down to Springfield (near Eugene) and work there for 3 days: I felt SO much better having a decent boss and working in a large building with more options. I would relocate there for sure, but they only had a part time job. I asked the manager there to keep me in mind.

there are some jobs out there - I think that will continue. I also think I will not be able to get my shit together fast enough to make a relocation happen until Spring.

 

[JackieOnLine]

Anyway, here’s my tough love: Consider…wherever you go, there you are. So maybe it isn’t geography. Because wherever you go, you do the same job. Or maybe you are looking for the same connections. And maybe it’s just your approach and ability to persist In seeking what you really want.

I know it doesn't look like it, but I really have considered "the problem" is all in my head. because, really, it mostly IS. I know this.

but I can't sustain myself on this current job and as I have to job hunt anyway, I put a lot of thought into both WHAT (and it has to be what I do now) and WHERE (if the cost of housing it going to be high, might as well live somewhere bigger). and the move north, into a river gorge, was not the best plan with how much depression I have anyway.

From here, it sounds like people doing your job are not getting much respect. Could that be part of the problem? Is there any other career you might want to tackle? Is there a place you can find the emotional satisfaction that we all need, at an away-from-work place? So that the crappy parts of the job don’t matter?

it's true the profession as a whole as done nothing but get worse over the decades I've been doing it.

I would LOVE to figure out a different/new career. at one point I got excited about HIM/HIT (Health Information Management, Health Information Technology) mostly because you can get jobs (apparently) with an associates degree and I was thinking that's about as long as I could stay focused, 2 years. if that!

Do you have any “puppets?”. (You’ll need them when you retire.)

no, it's true, I need a richer life in general. I haven't done well with this one.

I do have book clubs I'm in - one is even local, though we meet on zoom these days. and I have been pretty consistently attending Drum Circle here which is cool and I want to get an actual decent drum at some point.

but I know what you mean. and as soon as I find both a job and a place to live I don't hate, I need to Get A Life as well.

I really do appreciate everyone's being willing to read about my problems and offer their thoughts!!

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I know it doesn't look like it, but I really have considered "the problem" is all in my head. because, really, it mostly IS. I know this.

but I can't sustain myself on this current job and as I have to job hunt anyway, I put a lot of thought into both WHAT (and it has to be what I do now) and WHERE (if the cost of housing it going to be high, might as well live somewhere bigger). and the move north, into a river gorge, was not the best plan with how much depression I have anyway.




it's true the profession as a whole as done nothing but get worse over the decades I've been doing it.

I would LOVE to figure out a different/new career. at one point I got excited about HIM/HIT (Health Information Management, Health Information Technology) mostly because you can get jobs (apparently) with an associates degree and I was thinking that's about as long as I could stay focused, 2 years. if that!



no, it's true, I need a richer life in general. I haven't done well with this one.

I do have book clubs I'm in - one is even local, though we meet on zoom these days. and I have been pretty consistently attending Drum Circle here which is cool and I want to get an actual decent drum at some point.

but I know what you mean. and as soon as I find both a job and a place to live I don't hate, I need to Get A Life as well.

I really do appreciate everyone's being willing to read about my problems and offer their thoughts!!

You know, I…and you…may be adding in the COVID-19/Election-Related depression and anxiety stuff that almost EVERYONE is going through right now with something more INTERNAL to you (to each of us) when there is a chance that some of that may be resolved late next week.

Right now, for example, MiniSue—a COVID-19 survivor—has not mentioned but is probably concerned that since that virus can attack almost any body part/function, absolutely every medical problem she has for the rest of her life will be deemed related to COVID-19 and therefore a pre-existing condition and not covered by insurance. The “unknown” part of that issue will be more clear next week. Can she stay here? I mean… she speaks Danish.

 

[Munchkin]

Lots of these places in Las Vegas. I have an acquaintance who lives in one. Same as you described. HOA. Older homes. She is having a hard time keeping up with all the maintenance to keep the HOA off her back. So these things do happen. She doesn't have much money and she is in her mid 70's. It is getting hard for her to do.

 

[hilary1617]

Georgepds

Ha! Looks like our steps have worn some of the same paths in two lands. You've raised a lot of memories for me as well.

Elsie's was an institution. Sad that its gone. I might not have been here if it hadn't. It's where my parents first dated. Their wedding reception was at the Harvard Club, but I think that the cake actually was arranged through or a gift from Elsie's. Will have to ask my mom if I have that right. I do know she obtained her wedding dress at a huge sale at Filene's basement and and someone tried to grab it out of her arms there.

I usually only made it to Southie for St. Patrick's Day, but that was every St Patrick's day of my youth, and my Irish grandmother did teach me to boil foods - just initially from Brookline, then Cambridge.

My sister lived in Paris for a dozen years after she graduated, so I have many fond memories of summers and trips there. She lived first by Bastille, then Opera - - in a tiny former maids' chamber under the eaves of a gorgeous building - with so many steps to climb I resigned to coming and going only once a day! Eventually she settled in le Marais. Usually, she'd be working, so I'd be out exploring on my own.

Would be fun to have a coffee and hear about your adventures some day. Your ears were lucky to have been in the room as Miles Davis!

 

[JackieOnLine]

it really all sounds rather charming!

 

[hilary1617]

Ah... the Marais, still my favorite, last time I was there was in Jan'20. My favorite haunt is the cafe les philosophes on Rue Vieille du Temple (sp?). You can sit there for hours and watch the fashion show walk by, even in the dead of winter.

I was dissapointed to learn the muse de la chasse, in the Marais, had closed down for good. It was a really quirky place, stuffed animals and avant garde displays, side by side realy hokey stuff like singing fish

My old french teacher lived in the 11th, just outside place de la Bastille. She's in Lyon now, I see her when I can

I lived in Boulogne Billancourt, near the workers quarters for the great Renault factories. Most of them were seasonal, from North Africa and Senegal. To pass the time they'd play petanque (bocci) on their days off.

I still love going to the Muse Rodin. I read an interview where he explained his works looked so real because he captured them between poses, in transition if you wiil. It helped me a lot in dance back then, from that moment on transition was everything, and my body flowed through the classic positions, reacing them and just touching them for an instant at the extreme of extension, and then moving on

These days when I return, I stay on rue des ecole, just down from the Cluny.

Speaking of walk ups, to get back on topic,back then, I almost bought a fifth floor walk up, a chamber des bonnes, just outside of place des Vosges. The toilet was on a public hall

Sounds like a wonderful experience. Rodin is an amazing artist, but my favorite museum is more on the modern side; I enjoy the exhibits and crowd-watching at Beaubourg.