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[Spiky Bugger]

Eh, I don't believe in telling other people to "let it go". Because I am one of those people who cannot forgive and forget, be the bigger person, or move on when someone does a grievous wrong. I'm funny like that. I remember things for EVER and never forget who did what.

I believe, in the contrary, in shining a HUGE, bright light on wrong-doers and their deeds. And in reminding people they can't be trusted.

So, @Elizabeth N. , go on with your e-mails and warnings to other family members about your brothers' condition and financial snafu and other ****. It's best when all the involved people KNOW the details from a reliable source such as yourself, who will not sugar-coat the reality, and someone who has the rare gift of being able to also provide first-response type answers of WHAT TO DO with said lunatic.

Another Grudge Holder checking in...**** with me once? We're done. Except for the possible get-even. And good luck with that.

 

[Sheanie]

@Spiky Bugger , that is why I copied my sister's Bankruptcy that she backed up and reopened to ADD US ON after it was discharged. I copied those ******* papers and mailed them to every family member, along with copies of my charge cards showing all the expenses on them for her car repairs, moving van, hotels on the way up from TX to MI, clothes, shoes for her boys, school supplies, ad nauseum. That is also why I bought a telephone recording device and recorded her messages to me saying "You don't deserve to be paid back." And I played those for my parents when they came to visit and my sister (Teflon Mary) insisted that everything was a gift. She promised on those tapes that she would repay every cent, including the damage to the apartment she rented and let her dogs saturate the sub floor with urine to the tune of $4K.

Ah, yes, I am a Grudge Holder from WAY back.

 

[DianaCox]

Oy - my situation with MY brother (who is sitting next to me right now in a hotel in Orange County, ahead of the appointment I got him for tomorrow with the surgeon who is the specialist in the area for what I think he has) seems relatively tame in comparison. His business is on the verge of going under as well due to mismanagement and incompetence (including on the part of my other brother who works with him), but I will NOT bail them out again. My goal with them is to get them well (get them to doctors and dentists for their various ills) and then I hope get them financially separate and maybe connected with women who will take care of them (besides me).

EN - I saw this recently - knowing full well you won't listen, I offer it anyway:

 

[Spiky Bugger]

@Spiky Bugger , that is why I copied my sister's Bankruptcy that she backed up and reopened to ADD US ON after it was discharged. I copied those ******* papers and mailed them to every family member, along with copies of my charge cards showing all the expenses on them for her car repairs, moving van, hotels on the way up from TX to MI, clothes, shoes for her boys, school supplies, ad nauseum. That is also why I bought a telephone recording device and recorded her messages to me saying "You don't deserve to be paid back." And I played those for my parents when they came to visit and my sister (Teflon Mary) insisted that everything was a gift. She promised on those tapes that she would repay every cent, including the damage to the apartment she rented and let her dogs saturate the sub floor with urine to the tune of $4K.

Ah, yes, I am a Grudge Holder from WAY back.

Good on you.

 

[JackieOnLine]

Diana!

maybe connected with women who will take care of them (besides me)

that is the plan, really? I'm not saying that wouldn't work...but you surprised me, there.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

S called last night, so I got his attention at last. He knew his dad was not right in the head but had no idea it was so extreme. The family myth about the scams is that it was a result of D being lonely and vulnerable to a friendly voice on the phone.

while that might have played a role, my brother was never that stupid..... Not to fall for the same thing three times.

yesterday D sounded open to getting some medical attention, so hopefully that will continue. If he stays docile and compliant for a week I can get him connected to a doc and alert the doc to the severity of the symptoms. That will get the ball rolling so A can continue the process.

 

[hilary1617]

Are there any social services nearby who could provide wellness checks once you are back home?

 

[DianaCox]

Diana!


that is the plan, really? I'm not saying that wouldn't work...but you surprised me, there.

My brothers are good people, and scary smart. But they have lived their lives locked in a dysfunctional relationship (they are 14 months apart, and seem almost twin-bonded), to the exclusion of normal relationships, in particular with woman. One of them had a g/f in his 20s for a little while - but that was 30+ years ago. I think they should sell the detritus of their business and move away from each other, and try to form new relationships. They have no "bad" relationship habits with women, so they are entirely blank slates for a woman with money who is willing to take on a challenge.

And I don't want them living in my basement.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Are there any social services nearby who could provide wellness checks once you are back home?

Probably, but only IF D and A get connected to the local clinic AND express their willingness to receive the services. They might have some screws loose, but they are in charge of their own affairs.

D thinks he can get all the medical care he needs through the VA. Nearest VA clinic is an hour away and provides limited services. There is a full service VA hospital with excellent resources 110 miles away. That setup would work okay IF they had reliable transportation AND the mental wherewithal to travel that far on a regular basis AND the ability to understand their own medical needs to some degree.

I think I have convinced them that they need a local PCP to help them figure out their care and get some assistance in finding the most cost effective ways of getting the care.

Oh, and did I mention that D needs a hip replacement? He just sprung that one on me. FMR.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Today D and I (and the dog) had a lovely time picking huckleberries up in the national forest grazing allotment, something I last did sometime around 1980 or so. Big NSV, as I climbed over rocks and marched uphill and over dale at 7000+ feet above sea level and crawled around on the ground for HOURS scrounging for these tiny gems of goodness.

Together we netted a couple quarts and we are considering going back up for more tomorrow, assuming I can ambulate LOL. A batch of honey sweetened freezer jam might be in our immediate future.

Of his own accord, D announced that he liked my suggestion that he needed a local PCP on board RIGHT ******* NOW and agreed to call and make an appointment tomorrow. I agreed to do some research on the services offered by the VA--according to the website, all his needed services are offered, but I have to call and find out what his access would be like, waiting times and all.

D also told me a few stories of experiences in his relatively recent past--a year or so--where he found himself realizing that he was getting fuzzy in the head. The one that really shook him up was the discovery, in the middle of the ritual holiday pinochle game, that he couldn't follow the game. Couldn't remember what cards had been played and couldn't keep straight who had the bid--serious short term memory deficit.

He's also showing major language-use gaps and some loss in areas of abstract thinking. I'm really, really scared this is Alzheimers.

 

[JackieOnLine]

scary, indeed. I'm glad he is facing things to the extent that he's admitted it and is willing to do something.

hope they find something they can fix. but the language loss is...concerning.

it's something many of not most of us will face - much more frightening than losing physical abilities.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Ah RELIEF. I am beginning to feel a bit recovered from the drama.

A got home late Friday evening. She put herself through heaven knows what kind of weird travel day in order to land in Bozeman instead of Billings. Saturday morning she all but chased me off, politely to be sure, but made very clear that "I didn't have to stay all weekend." I was plumb THRILLED, on one hand, to get the hell out of there, but FMR what a bunch of crazy.

I made an appointment for D with local doc for Monday and called the VA to clarify his access to services. A referred multiple times to D's "Tuesday" appointment, despite my pointing out the note on the calendar, so I hope they show up on the correct day. I wrote up a two page note of my observations and concerns for them to show the doc. There's nothing more I can do.

I blocked local son G and his ******* wife on Facebook. The straw that broke the camel's back came when I walked up the hill behind the house and discovered the entire pasture was purple and yellow with knapweed and curlycup gumweed, two highly invasive, forage-destroying plants. I hiked through the damned weeds to the top of the hill and looked across the bench.....And saw a lovely horse standing all alone in the next pasture, waiting quietly at the gate for someone to remember he was there. His feet are a mess, he has loads of bug bites and scratches. His mane and tail are riddled with burrs..... And he was all by himself, when the rest of the critters were down in the lower meadow.

I never got a straight story about why that gelding was up there alone, but D clearly had forgotten he was there....And he had no idea whether the gelding had a name. What he COULD tell me was that his ************ of a son G, ostensibly a "horse whisperer," had invested zero time in training the animal, but thought it was a good idea to put a volunteer from the local college foreign exchange program on the animal....and they all laughed lots when the volunteer got dumped, multiple times...

When I asked what G was thinking, D replied that the gelding and his sister, a sweet looking little sorrel mare, had become "not good enough for him," as he only had time to train registered animals. So these two animals got basically abandoned.

Trust me, if G were to show up right now, I might very well commit felony assault. He's done the same thing to his parents that he did to those animals.

 

[DianaCox]

Can you report G and his wife to animal control for animal cruelty?

 

[JackieOnLine]

oh, no - that is so sad.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Can you report G and his wife to animal control for animal cruelty?

It would be G, not the wife, and no, the animal's condition is not enough to warrant that kind of report. The gelding has good weight, was in a location that had ample feed and water, showed no signs of acute illness or mental distress--other than loneliness. He let me walk right up to him, we had a good scritch and snuggle, and he would probably have followed me down the hill like a big dog with no halter or restraints had I dared to try. But because I was not certain whose he was, I waited and went back down to find my brother to come back and get him.

What SHOULD happen is the big boy should be sold to someone with a clue about horses who will train/rehab him appropriately and give him the life he deserves. He's clearly intelligent and would benefit from a good bond with a human. That's not the case with every horse. Some are just not as interested in human interaction as others are. I did not know his dam well, but had a passing acquaintance, and she was the same way. She was too damned smart for her own good, certainly too smart for my ******* nephew, and she never was used to her fullest potential as a working critter. She threw some lovely colts and this gelding looks like his dam reincarnate.

If I had time, was in the right location, etc., I would pretty much demand that the ******** gift me this boy. Then he and I would both get professional help to learn how to work together. *sigh* But such is not to be.

My dad (who was also an ******* in many ways) is rolling in his grave. He treated his kids--except for D, who was always the golden boy--like ****, but he would NEVER have allowed a horse to be held in these conditions. He would also have never allowed his land to get weed infested, or ****** over his neighbors, or.....Oh Lordy what a ******* mess.