Jo777
Aug 2017
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2014
- Messages
- 485
Life has been more difficult than normal. There's been good stuff too, but this is a bummer post about the bad stuff..
Some months ago, my father was dx'd with late stage renal cancer. Long story short, sent the word to sisters that if they want to see him as they remember, now's the time. They both came for a visit, and one came back shortly after (now going on 7 weeks?) to stay with him and my non-mobile, very bitchy, early dementia mother. She's a freakin' saint, I wouldn't be able to- no matter how many drugs (for them or me..)
Dad was not a candidate for surgery (prior surgeries, huge non-reduced hernias, too risky to remove the primary tumor/kidney.) He did have the kidney embolized to stop some bleeding and clot blockages from happening.. but fell at home, and now is doing pretty poorly. He will be having an MRI to see if anything fixable was damaged, but in the meantime, has called in hospice for an interview and has changed his mind on oral chemo, he's done. I can't blame him.. he's tired, in discomfort, not eating much (and this was a man who was VERY big, and always loved to eat.. he's wasted away fast.) The mom situation is rough, and she is not cooperative, and neither have arranged anything.. and at this point, things will be what they are. There will be cursing and crying, and she will eventually, with or without him as things fast progress, get moved out of the house and someplace else..
Through this, I have held on to some of my sanity and health.. and even started to round the bend a bit I think (debatable? maybe just happy at holding steady where I am atm.) The realization that I cannot control them, their situation, nor should I try, took much of that stress off.. I still have my moments, but fewer, and less extreme when they do pop up.
Last night I found out about the fall/hospice situation. Decision's finally made, no more round & round with tests and such. We had just returned from a vacation to GA/SC/NC, my sister was popping into the house to check on the cats & feed the fish. It took me a couple days to get into vacation mode and out of guilt mode for leaving the area, but things seemed stable.. Sister texted mid-way through our trip that all was ok, got home to a note on Tues AM that all was alright, dad was slow & steady.. got word Weds that it wasn't really the case.. She (kindly) kept things to herself until we were home and settled. Yes, I was upset that I wasn't included, but honestly, there's nothing to do, and it would have just created another worry mid-trip to deal with.
So, here I am today.. finally getting on the internet and saying hello. I've been limiting my internet time quite a bit, and still will.. but wanted to say hi, and feel like I've not been kicked off the planet quite yet. I will try to pop on more and read, and post from time to time.. I need the distraction, and frankly, the reminder to keep myself healthy, and get back to being fully better myself.
Some months ago, my father was dx'd with late stage renal cancer. Long story short, sent the word to sisters that if they want to see him as they remember, now's the time. They both came for a visit, and one came back shortly after (now going on 7 weeks?) to stay with him and my non-mobile, very bitchy, early dementia mother. She's a freakin' saint, I wouldn't be able to- no matter how many drugs (for them or me..)
Dad was not a candidate for surgery (prior surgeries, huge non-reduced hernias, too risky to remove the primary tumor/kidney.) He did have the kidney embolized to stop some bleeding and clot blockages from happening.. but fell at home, and now is doing pretty poorly. He will be having an MRI to see if anything fixable was damaged, but in the meantime, has called in hospice for an interview and has changed his mind on oral chemo, he's done. I can't blame him.. he's tired, in discomfort, not eating much (and this was a man who was VERY big, and always loved to eat.. he's wasted away fast.) The mom situation is rough, and she is not cooperative, and neither have arranged anything.. and at this point, things will be what they are. There will be cursing and crying, and she will eventually, with or without him as things fast progress, get moved out of the house and someplace else..
Through this, I have held on to some of my sanity and health.. and even started to round the bend a bit I think (debatable? maybe just happy at holding steady where I am atm.) The realization that I cannot control them, their situation, nor should I try, took much of that stress off.. I still have my moments, but fewer, and less extreme when they do pop up.
Last night I found out about the fall/hospice situation. Decision's finally made, no more round & round with tests and such. We had just returned from a vacation to GA/SC/NC, my sister was popping into the house to check on the cats & feed the fish. It took me a couple days to get into vacation mode and out of guilt mode for leaving the area, but things seemed stable.. Sister texted mid-way through our trip that all was ok, got home to a note on Tues AM that all was alright, dad was slow & steady.. got word Weds that it wasn't really the case.. She (kindly) kept things to herself until we were home and settled. Yes, I was upset that I wasn't included, but honestly, there's nothing to do, and it would have just created another worry mid-trip to deal with.
So, here I am today.. finally getting on the internet and saying hello. I've been limiting my internet time quite a bit, and still will.. but wanted to say hi, and feel like I've not been kicked off the planet quite yet. I will try to pop on more and read, and post from time to time.. I need the distraction, and frankly, the reminder to keep myself healthy, and get back to being fully better myself.
*hugs from the UK* Im really sorry you have to deal with this.
