Help my mother with doesn't support me have weight loss surgery, she keeps saying it is the easy way out

[revisionDS]

oh such a difficult situation....your life depends on getting your weight off, which is through bariatric surgery. there will be nothing easy about bariatric surgery .....it could just save your life....you may have to put up some loving boundaries and get plenty of support on whatever you decide. Family issues are always difficult.

 

[southernlady]

So is mom on board with the surgery? Is she being supportive? If so tell stepmom to take a long walk off a short pier.

 

[JackieOnLine]

If necessary, you MAY need to tell her to get the fuck out of your life until you decide to invite her back in.

yes, but if I understood her other post correctly her Mom is one of her caregivers - the main one? - and is literally helping her on and off the bedpan. a very complicated relationship, IOW.

 

[southernlady]

yes, but if I understood her other post correctly her Mom is one of her caregivers - the main one? - and is literally helping her on and off the bedpan. a very complicated relationship, IOW.

But it’s her step mom being an ass not her mom

 

[JackieOnLine]

oh, OK, that's good.

 

[MsVee]

Ultimately as an adult you get to make decisions about your health. It would be nice if your stepmother was supportive. The bottom line is your eight is at an unhealthy level and you owe it to yourself to improve your health and save your life. Once your step mother sees you regaining your health she may see the benefits of weight loss surgery

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I may not be only one confused.

Please confirm:
1-your step mother is the one being negative; AND,
2-your mother is your caregiver;
3-these are two different people.

 

[aaa]

I didn’t want to have WLS. I waited a year to research it. This was after my PCP told me I needed to do it bc if I kept going the way I was going I’d just keep gaining. I already had a cholesterol over 300 & was borderline diabetic. I was told I’d need a knee replacement within 5 years if I didn’t do something. He also asked me to look at WLS like heart disease or diabetes. Would I not take medication for either bc it made my life easier?

Thinking aloud; if your stepmother thinks it’s the easy way out. Ok. But the need for you to be able to get out and enjoy life is paramount. Not to mention what will begin to happen to your health as you age.

 

[Wintergetsheathly]

I may not be only one confused.

Please confirm:
1-your step mother is the one being negative; AND,
2-your mother is your caregiver;
3-these are two different people.

I may not be only one confused.

Please confirm:
1-your step mother is the one being negative; AND,
2-your mother is your caregiver;
3-these are two different people.

My mom is my caregiver, My step mom is negative one, and they are two different people

 

[Georgepds]

I knew I wanted a DS in 2007, when first diagnosed with T2 diabetes, which later became complicated by neuropathy.I was packing on the fat for at least a decade before. Back then I followed the story of a woman on a T2 forum who resolved her diabetes with DS surgery

I waited until 2018 before a VSG, and 2019 before a revision to DS. Only one naysayer, but someone I trusted, and the only person who knew me as seeking surgery. I finally realized the path I was on would just do myself more harm ( SMO bmi 50 then,bmi 25 now).I had high BP, high cholesterol, and sleep apnea too. Multiple meds too, 4 for diabetes alone.

I lost the weight and the co-morbidities resolved, I could drop both the meds and the Bi-pap. All better but for the neuropathy which is both a literal pain in the foot and a figurative pain in the ASS.

It's not like I was always SMO, there were decades when I was, to mangle a phrase, the fittest in the room.. I'd gained and lost the weight at least 3x. The last time, I just could not do it without help.

If I had acted before on my understanding in 2007 of the benefits of DS and my need, I could have avoided most of the problems , not that being that large is not a problem in itself. SMO does not get better as you get older. Do yourself a favor.. act on your own need.

The person who cares for you will most likely come around when she sees you getting better. If not, it's still your need and your right to get help. Sometimes even those people who care for us don't know what's best for us.

 

[southernlady]

The person who cares for you will most likely come around when she sees you getting better. If not, it's still your need and your right to get help. Sometimes even those people who care for us don't know what's best for us.

Her caregiver is her mom. The negative one is her stepmother. Two different beings.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

My mom is my caregiver, My step mom is negative one, and they are two different people

Thanks. Well, then, that makes it easier.

Hug your mom.

Tell your stepmother that it’s been great, but she needs to keep her distance until at least two months after your surgery. Although, for ELEVEN WEEKS post-op I was sure the DS was the worst thing I had ever done and that I would die very soon. (It’s been 16 years this month.) That’s why I said two months.

Hug your mom again. Your surgery will, eventually, make HER life so much easier.

 

[JackieOnLine]

My mom is my caregiver, My step mom is negative one, and they are two different people

I'm so glad your caregiver is NOT the negative one!

re-read what Spiky Bugger said about when to get back in touch with step-Mom/negative one. she knows!

we are pulling for you!

 

[southernlady]

Unless your stepmom is paying for your surgery, tell her to go “fuck off”