Just a little (worried) rant...

[Parousia]

A couple of days ago I discovered my mother was going to stop off in Australia (here) on her way back to South Africa, after my niece's wedding in NZ. She made special plans to do it so she could meet my little boy for the first time. She will be arriving in Melbourne the day before my surgery, so I will be in hospital the whole time she is here.

The thing is this: I love my mother, but she has even worse ADD than I have, and my husband and I are pretty sure she has Aspergers Syndrome. She has very low emotional intelligence and cannot read body language or facial expressions at all. I can't deal with her for very long at a time myself. My husband does much better than I do, because he doesn't have all the emotional baggage that I carry from my childhood. Still, he's not much of a fan!

My husband is very unhappy that he is going to be stuck with her while I'm in hospital. I don't blame him, but what am I supposed to do about it? I am glad that she will get to meet my son and spend time with him. It will probably be many years before she has another chance to see him, if at all. I'm just so torn about this. I don't want to have to spend my time in hospital worrying about hubby and how he is coping! Not much alternative, I guess. Ugh!

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Bummer on the timing. I picked up a little nugget of info somewhere not long ago--and have no idea whether it's valid--that ADD can be considered to be part of the same spectrum of "brain organization" (for lack of a better term) as AS. I found that to be an interesting concept.

Hubby is going to have to suck it up. I feel for him. But you didn't plan this and obviously you are not going to give up your surgery slot because of it. Try to throw off those worries and just focus on YOU.

 

[JackieOnLine]

what EN said - just be glad you are getting your surgery and your husband is going to deal with her. I'll bet there have been times it was all about him? (if not, there can be later)

 

[DuodenalSwitchaRoo]

How is you mother with tasks? Like directions spelled out, somewhere to put her energy. Could you make a small list of things that would be helpful to you if she was able to do them? Like, premake protein rich soups to freeze, extra laundry help as mummy is going to be out of commission not just in hospital but out too.

I feel for you, but yay for your surgery!!!!!!!

 

[DianaCox]

Roo has the Best.Idea.Ever! Get mom to prepare food for the freezer - maybe stuff from your childhood - that you can have later (MUCH later), or for your husband and son to enjoy because they've never had it. Keep her occupied and away from both you and hubby. And feeling special, because she is giving you the gift of herself (sorta).

 

[Parousia]

Thanks for the suggestions . They would have worked, too, except for the fact that none of us will be at our home (Adelaide). My husband will be driving with myself and our toddler to Melbourne, and they will be staying with a good friend of ours and her family. She knows my mother from way back, and has said she would be happy for her to stay there too. Money is very tight, so we have had to take up her kind offer. There doesn't seem to be a way around it.

 

[Parousia]

Bummer on the timing. I picked up a little nugget of info somewhere not long ago--and have no idea whether it's valid--that ADD can be considered to be part of the same spectrum of "brain organization" (for lack of a better term) as AS. I found that to be an interesting concept.

I read some years ago that ADD is on the autism spectrum, so yes, you're right. There aren't the same degree of social issues, though, as with AS (although there are some). Nor are there the problems with reading body language or seeing things from someone else's perspective that Aspies have. But I can see where there might be some overlaps. My oldest son was diagnosed with ADD when he was 6 and AS when he was 15, and my ex-husband also has AS (I discovered during marriage counselling), so I've learned a fair amount about it over the years. Btw. I use ADD not ADHD because my family (myself, my mother, my son and my biological siblings) all have the inattentive form, w/o hyperactivity.

 

[ProteinSnob]

In my understanding, ADD/ADHD is not on the autism spectrum, but the two are closely related. I don't think that ADD/ADHD struggles as hard with things like theory of mind and communication. Even though every person with autism is different, certain criteria have to be met for an actual autism diagnosis. PDD-NOS was recently dropped from the DSM; the criteria for true autism has to be met in all categories. The diagnoses can, and often do, coexist. We are also just beginning to touch the surface of how females with autism present differently than males with autism. Your mom grew up during a time where the debunked refrigerator mother was widely purported to cause autism, and early intervention was practically nonexistent. That must have been very hard on you both. I'm sorry for the way that this has affected you.

Curious to know if you have seen the Temple Grandin movie? It really helped me understand some things.

 

[Parousia]

In my understanding, ADD/ADHD is not on the autism spectrum, but the two are closely related. I don't think that ADD/ADHD struggles as hard with things like theory of mind and communication. Even though every person with autism is different, certain criteria have to be met for an actual autism diagnosis. PDD-NOS was recently dropped from the DSM; the criteria for true autism has to be met in all categories. The diagnoses can, and often do, coexist. We are also just beginning to touch the surface of how females with autism present differently than males with autism. Your mom grew up during a time where the debunked refrigerator mother was widely purported to cause autism, and early intervention was practically nonexistent. That must have been very hard on you both. I'm sorry for the way that this has affected you.

Curious to know if you have seen the Temple Grandin movie? It really helped me understand some things.

No, I know it isn't considered an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). But I was told/read that it is one end of the spectrum (don't recall the source - it was a long time ago). But, you're correct of course - it doesn't meet the diagnostic criteria for autism (including the theory of mind issues you mention). I know the criteria have changed. My toddler was diagnosed with PDD-NOS a year ago, and we were told that the definitions were changing. Unfortunately that means many children with very real needs will miss out on funding assistance.

As for my mother and myself, diagnosis didn't occur until adulthood, unfortunately.

No, I haven't seen the Temple Grandin movie. I had never heard of it before now.

 

[ProteinSnob]

I hate hearing that your family was affected by the DSM change with PDD-NOS. That change also makes it even harder for the public to understand how quickly autism rates are increasing. I hope I don't sound like I am saying that autism is "harder" than ADD/ADHD. It's not. It's just hard in a different way.

 

[Parousia]

I hate hearing that your family was affected by the DSM change with PDD-NOS. That change also makes it even harder for the public to understand how quickly autism rates are increasing. I hope I don't sound like I am saying that autism is "harder" than ADD/ADHD. It's not. It's just hard in a different way.

Oh, no! I didn't take it like that at all. As you say, there are different challenges. Overall, I think autism is probably harder, because at least with ADD/ADHD there is medication that makes a substantial difference for most people. I just wish I was diagnosed and put on medication when I was young. It would have changed my life.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

There are many good things about the DSM revision, but the flip side is that insurance companies will use the changes as an excuse to deny payment for services for as long as they possibly can :-(.

 

[Munchkin]

This is one of those times where you just have to relinquish control and let the chips fall where they may. Just accept there is nothing you can do! She will leave and then life continues!