I ******* hate drama!

[SHales]

So I am gong to subject you guys to the drama.

Cast of characters: Morgan, my son; Riley, my granddaughter (5) Donna, Morgan's girlfriend; Jyllian, Donna's daughter (7).

When my son was getting a divorce, he called me and asked if I would come live with him to take care of Riley, she had just turned 2. He is a State Trooper and gets called out in the middle of the night, etc. I lived there for 2 1/2 years.
When I found out that Donna was coming, I rented a house and moved (in the same town) and continued to take care of Riley for approximately another 6 months. Then Donna arrived and I got to take Riley once a week for a few hours. That was ok as I was working full time and taking care of my mother and brother, it was actually good.
I was allowed to take Riley one week and Jyllian (Donna's daughter) the next. Jyllian said she didn't want to come so I didn't force her, she hardly knew me at the time. Then Morgan came over and told me that if I wanted to take Riley, I had to take Jyllian. I said ok, the only reason I wasn't is because SHE said she didn't want to come. Obviously she changed her mind. No problem. I was taking them both at the same time and there was drama from Jyllian every time. It wasn't her fault, she was raised that way and it has always gotten her the attention. I just ignored it and told her when she straightened up she would be included in whatever we were doing. Her grandma from Oregon came for a week and I was told that Jyllian had a huge melt down, shaking and crying and said that I was mean to her and she didn't want to come over anymore. I spoke with Donna on the phone and told her that I was never mean to Jyllian or any other child, ever. She said she believed Jyllian so I asked her if she thought I was not only a horrible person but a liar also? She said that she thought maybe I didn't realize what I was doing. So what, I'm not a liar but I am a moron? Anyway, about 2 weeks later Jyllian wants to come back over. WTF? I am so mean but she now wants to come here? About a week after that Donna asked me to keep her for 2 days and 2 nights so she could go to Vegas with Morgan. No problem. This all took place at the end of last summer. Well, that whole situation continued to eat at me, the fact that Donna never admitted she was wrong, never confronted Jyllian, never apologized etc. So I was pretty standoffish with her, plus I had my hands full with my job, my mother and Paul ( who by this time was dying). I still continued to take the girls, one at a time, one on one week, the other the next. Morgan was acting pissed off, no clue why. I supposed it was because I was not being BFFs with Donna. Everything is going along until Jyllian decides she wants to come with Riley last week. Morgan comes over last Monday morning and I asked if I could take Riley and he tells me I can only take her if I take Jyllian at the same time. I said the same thing that I said before, when both of them are here I get no quality time with either one and they constantly try to one up each other. He says we will talk about it tonight as he was on his way to work but he tells me that he wants it his way. I never hear from him, I didn't get Riley today and the whole thing is ********. He is so pussy whipped, I can hardly stand to be around him either. I am sick and ******* tired of being emotionally blackmailed and manipulated. Donna is pissed and knows the only way she can control me is with Riley. Morgan is too stupid to see what is going on and is being led around by his dick. I have ******* had it. I was so upset last night that I actually considered going to the hospital for a shot of something. I talked to Luke, (my oldest son) and he says to let it ride, that Morgan will come around when he sees the burning bridge. I don't know but I am through begging to have Riley and having her used as a weapon. I don't know what I am going to do yet. I could take him to court or I could go talk to Morgan's ex-wife, Tricia and drive to St George to see Riley. Both of hose options suck. Or Morgan could pull his head out of his ass. I can't believe that he let that **** be said about me last summer. He absolutely knows I would never be mean to a child. I just can't take anymore crap right now and this was the icing on the cake. I waiver between being furious and being heartbroken.

And there you have it...

Any advice?

 

[Whit]

I agree with Luke. Hang tight. Call both girls and send them cards and letters. I know they are in the same town but mail is still special. Let them know you love them and be yourself and be consistent. Jyllian may drift out of your life or be apart of it forever. They are both so young consistency is important. They need to know Grandma loves them both the best way she can. Your son may never get his head out of his ass but he will have to come up for air. When he does just be mom. Thats all you can do. Continue to tell your son how you feel this is what make you his mom.

 

[brooklyngirl]

I agree with Luke as well. I'm sure it's hard for you to swallow your feelings, especially when you know you're being wronged, but I can tell you that my mother in law can't let things go, never could. She gets bent out of shape and makes a federal issue about everything and refuses to EVER admit fault and my husband finally got to a point where he couldn't take it anymore and now they don't speak. He feels that if she can ever take some responsibility for her behavior then maybe they have a chance, but since she can't, he won't let her hurt him anymore. Now, your situations are not necessarily the same, but the last thing you want is to create a rift that is beyond repair. Let yourself feel hurt, talk to him about it calmly when you can, but don't let it escalate to a bad place. Once it goes too far, it can't go back, and a pussy whipped man will never see himself as one, only that the person who pointed it out is "against" him and/or his relationship.

 

[southernlady]

As hard as it is, sometimes you just have to let go..or it festers.

Back before my son in law was my son in law, my youngest (step)daughter decided to be stupid (she was 18 at the time and out of HS). She was still living at home, we let her use a gas card and paid her cell phone AS LONG as she worked. However, she decided to quit what she was doing...and after a month it was obvious she wasn't searching for a job...so we took away both her cell phone and gas card. She got pissed and flounced over to her BF (the one who is now the son in law). HE decides too get involved. He comes over and calls ME a mooch. Okay, I do/did not work but I did and still do get SSDI so I did have income helping. Dh was fine with me being a stay at home wife/mother and it was NO ONE ELSE'S business...esp a snot nosed kid of 19. I told him to get out and not let the door hit him on the ass on the way out.

When Pam came back by to get some things (she decided to move out), I reminded her that while he called me a mooch, he was also calling HER grandmother a mooch because my MIL was also a SAHW/M.

Move forward a couple of years, BF (******) is still a fixture and while he apologized to Pam and to dh for what he said to ME, he still, 10 + years later has not apologized to me. He is now the father of my grandson. I am able to deal with him but he is still a pretentious ass who now has my daughter supporting HIM. I do know if that marriage ever falls apart, I will not be sad to see him disappear but until then, I am cordial when I am around him. And I don't mention the past except as an example.

I don't forget but I have tried to move past it.

 

[SHales]

When that happened, I stepped back quite a bit, not that I was at their house too often anyway. I have always been nice to her, just not as friendly as Morgan would like. I am sorry to say that Donna is not a person I want to spend much time with even if nothing had happened. She is a manipulator and does it by several methods. Her favorite is the victim card, the guilt card and the 'I won't shut up until you agree card'. I don't play games very well. I have not mentioned anything else to either one of them. Not my circus, not my monkeys. The only thing I want is to be able to see my granddaughter. I am a busy person and I don't have time to interfere with their life. In Donna's defense, she was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and she HAD to manipulate to survive, I think it has become a habit. However, I have noticed that she intends to have her way no matter how it makes anyone else feel. Crap! I just don't like her as a person. There are a lot more things I could put out here but basically, I think she loves Morgan as much as she is able and she treats Riley well so nothing else is my business.

My main bitch in all of this is the emotional blackmail employed. I just want to see Riley for a few hours every other week. She spends one week here and one week with her mother.

On a brighter note, my middle grandson has a summer job up here and will be spending the summer with me! Woo Hoo! (I will still be able to come to Monatana, EN. He can stay with his other grandparents when I come up. He is 16.)

 

[SHales]

I appreciate the input. Thanks!!

 

[brooklyngirl]

The brighter note about your grandson is a GREAT note! I bet when he's with you, they will want Riley to spend time with him and things will get better

 

[newanatomy]

Shales, I think you need to just sit back and enjoy having your grandson. Grandkids are not bargaining chips, ever. Your son is every bit as bad as his GF is. He needs to be wise father and think about the best interests of his daughter. I would think that her best interests include spending time with her grandmother. He needs to be grateful and respectful to you. I would pull back for a while until they realize what they are missing out on. Your generous nature has been abused. Stand your ground.

 

[JackieOnLine]

good lord, it's so wrong for your son to let a little kid be a pawn like this...but, he might doing the best that he can. sadly!

I hope you get to see Riley as often as possible and when you do, make sure she knows you want to see her regularly.

I don't know what to say about Jyllian...and Donna, well, she just isn't likable. you aren't going to be friends and your son is a grown up and should accept that.

does Morgan know you are still hurt and angry about last summer? seems obvious, but that doesn't mean he knows.

anyway, have fun with your grandson, that's cool.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Well ****. Stories like this just reinforce how glad I am that we did not reproduce. I have to remind myself frequently that I do not understand the power of these kinds of ties and that it limits my ability to empathize :-/.

I gathered a little bit of second hand empathy from the experience of grandparent friends who had to go to court to get visitation rights for their lovely grandyoungsters. It was freaking AWFUL, and I cannot judge what was gained by the experience. I was around for a lot of tears, as I sat with the grandparents in their struggle, and I saw quite a few tears from the grandkids as well when they had to leave. Just showed me that it's hard and complicated and should NOT be that way.

Shellie, take this from a non parent/grandparent, but someone who has watched nieces and nephews grow from a distance: Try to take a long term view. Relationships can always be forged later, assuming you live to have the opportunity. AND assuming the youngster gives a ****. When they don't give a ****, it's miserable. I am blessed to have 6 of 8 who give a ****. We're never going to be truly close, but at least we communicate and have a connection.

Please do NOT let their ******** interfere with your travel plans. You NEED the break and the chance to let me hug you and love on you and party with you. Trust me, we will both benefit from our time together for a long time.

 

[SHales]

Well ****. Stories like this just reinforce how glad I am that we did not reproduce. I have to remind myself frequently that I do not understand the power of these kinds of ties and that it limits my ability to empathize :-/.

I gathered a little bit of second hand empathy from the experience of grandparent friends who had to go to court to get visitation rights for their lovely grandyoungsters. It was freaking AWFUL, and I cannot judge what was gained by the experience. I was around for a lot of tears, as I sat with the grandparents in their struggle, and I saw quite a few tears from the grandkids as well when they had to leave. Just showed me that it's hard and complicated and should NOT be that way.

Shellie, take this from a non parent/grandparent, but someone who has watched nieces and nephews grow from a distance: Try to take a long term view. Relationships can always be forged later, assuming you live to have the opportunity. AND assuming the youngster gives a ****. When they don't give a ****, it's miserable. I am blessed to have 6 of 8 who give a ****. We're never going to be truly close, but at least we communicate and have a connection.

Please do NOT let their ******** interfere with your travel plans. You NEED the break and the chance to let me hug you and love on you and party with you. Trust me, we will both benefit from our time together for a long time.

I am coming to Montana this year! If ever there was a time I needed a vacation it's now! I can't wait to see you.

 

[southernlady]

I am coming to Montana this year! If ever there was a time I needed a vacation it's now! I can't wait to see you.

Hopefully it's at the same time WE will be there (dh and I and three dogs).

 

[SHales]

Hopefully it's at the same time WE will be there (dh and I and three dogs).

That would be awesome! Do you know when you will be there yet? I am pretty flexible and would like to arrange to be there at the same time. I think I am getting a pet sitter.

 

[southernlady]

That would be awesome! Do you know when you will be there yet? I am pretty flexible and would like to arrange to be there at the same time. I think I am getting a pet sitter.

Not yet but we will know in a couple of weeks hopefully

 

[Sheanie]

Captain Effing Obvious here. Allow me to point out something to you: They are receiving FREE childcare from you. But for you taking their children for a week at a time, they would have to pay someone to watch them in their absence. You are actually PARENTING your grandchildren. Which is absolutely FINE, if you want to. But just to be clear, I don't feel they appreciate the free service you are providing. Maybe it's time they discovered the gift of your absence.

Also, the thought crossed my mind that this little girl might be lying to her mother about what takes place in your home. While you are alone with her. My own POS sister falsely accused someone of sexually molesting her child, a brother-in-law, during her divorce. The accusation was found out to be fraudulent, but the damage was done to the man's life, carrier and marriage. Once you are accused, it cannot be undone. Personally, I would not put myself in the position of EVER being alone with her daughter again. The strange behavior of your son is what has my alarm bells going off here. Being pussy whipped is one thing, but believing a psychotic liar is another whole topic. And it sounds like your sons' GF is telling stories.

Just my two cents.