Grandparenting

[Webmommy]

I should mention here that my SIL, my brothers wife, visited them just before this. She has size J cup breasts. Very difficult to nurse, and her first was with epidural. So latching was almost impossible, due to complications. Baby also had a jaw issue. She successfully nursed 4 now, pumping and working fulltime without formula.

DIL also refused her help. She is very insecure, which is curious, since she is the lead singer in an 80s cover band. I am not good at analyzing people.

Was it her mother who made the bottle or was it her who made the bottle? Could her mother be sabotaging her and undermining breastfeeding? The first time I was pumping for a preemie and my husband and mother heard my complaints about how hard it was and stressful and then told me to quit. That was their way of helping.

 

[Sheanie]

Was it her mother who made the bottle or was it her who made the bottle? Could her mother be sabotaging her and undermining breastfeeding? The first time I was pumping for a preemie and my husband and mother heard my complaints about how hard it was and stressful and then told me to quit. That was their way of helping.

It was her mother who bought and mixed the formula. The only reason I was there was because she called me to run and pick up the bili blanket. Oh, and she used the bili blanket against the labeled warnings. Instead of wrapping the baby as instructed (no eye protection required this way) around the torso, she laid it flat and put her on top. But its her baby. Her decision. I said nothing. I gave them the instructions verbally and in writing.

 

[Webmommy]

It was her mother who bought and mixed the formula. The only reason I was there was because she called me to run and pick up the bili blanket. Oh, and she used the bili blanket against the labeled warnings. Instead of wrapping the baby as instructed (no eye protection required this way) around the torso, she laid it flat and put her on top. But its her baby. Her decision. I said nothing. I gave them the instructions verbally and in writing.

WOW. Her mother doesn't sound supportive and it's hard for some women to stand up against that. And the pressure from jaundice causes a lot formula to be given to the baby and often is pediatrician's kneejerk advice. What a tough position for you to be in and your DIL.

 

[Sheanie]

Update. She has asked how to increase her milk. Yay! Her mother is not there, so my hopes are up now. My son is back to work, and she has nobody there to bottlefeed her. She is a shy nurser, like all new moms. I didnt nurse in public for months with my first. By my 3rd, I nursed anywhere.

Its been so long since I did this, I forgot how hard it was to stay detached. But its vital that I not ride that rollercoaster of emotions.

 

[JackieOnLine]

She has asked how to increase her milk. Yay! Her mother is not there, so my hopes are up now

YAY! hope it gets better for her!

 

[Sheanie]

She is fully formula feeding. I am relieved she has made a decision. DD has stated the obvious, she is a 1st time mom, getting bad info from her fave support, her own mom.

I am breathing a huge sigh of relief here. The drama was wearing me down.

 

[southernlady]

Glad that drama is behind you. Now you can enjoy being a grandmother.

 

[k9ophile]

You can go down in mother-in-law history by just being chill. You know the mother of the groom is supposed to wear beige and stay in the background. Just keep that in mind for grandparenting. You'll be one less letter to Dear Abby when she realizes just how cool you are.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I was more confused than hurt. Up til that comment, she was almost continually talking about every detail of the labor, birth and hospital stay. Shared every detail.

Diana, I think you hit the nail on the head. Her mother turned around and came back, after driving 15 minutes down the road. I think because I was there, and she was breastfeeding well with my help. When she popped back in, she mixed formula and when she came in the room, I was uncomfortable. It became clear that I was the 3rd wheel, so I left.

My impression is that she had grand plans of this pumping being a cakewalk. Now that its not as easy as she planned, she has trouble admitting she wants to supplement.

I have told her many times that I DO NOT CARE if she bottlefeeds or breastfeeds. Hell. I have helped dozens of moms pump and go to work. Even more to safely wean without mastitis. The vast majority were simple latching issues. Flat nipples, sleepy baby, jaundice, etc. Makes no difference to me. Not my baby.

And I dont play games. So if its a competition, someone shoulda told me. I would have tried harder.

I had ONE episode of mastitis...in Germany...painful on a weekend...train ride to the Army hospital. I was a born-again LLL mom, so I had the little handout (written by Gregory White, MD, husband of a LLL founder) about how to treat mastitis.

Me, handing the ER doctor the handout: I believe I have mastitis...I was reading about it here.
Him, after doing a speed read of the handout: OH THANK GOD!!! I’m an ophthalmologist and I’ve already had enough excitement for one day!!
Me: Huh?
Him: We just treated a 16-year-old dependent who claimed stomach pain, kept jumping off the table, screaming in pain, landed on the floor and delivered a baby. You are so easy...this even tells me what to prescribe...THANKS!

I actually went to a college that, about 25-30 years ago, had a degree program in Lactation Consulting. I had one class with those ladies...from ALL OVER THE PLANET, including So Korea and Israel.

 

[Webmommy]

She is fully formula feeding. I am relieved she has made a decision. DD has stated the obvious, she is a 1st time mom, getting bad info from her fave support, her own mom.

I am breathing a huge sigh of relief here. The drama was wearing me down.

That's unfortunate that her own mother sabotaged her but I am sure it's a relief for you to not be in the mix. There's other breastfeeding support out there for your daughter in law including if she wants to relactate and try to breastfeed. She just has to seek it out because it is readily available. But that responsibility doesn't fall on you.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

She is fully formula feeding. I am relieved she has made a decision. DD has stated the obvious, she is a 1st time mom, getting bad info from her fave support, her own mom.

I am breathing a huge sigh of relief here. The drama was wearing me down.

Yes...my “help” was my sister, who had two (c-section) kids before I had my one (also a c-section) kid. She immediately told me that I had to send my husband out to get bottle feeding supplies because you can’t breastfeed if you’ve had a c-section.

 

[DianaCox]

I was lucky. My big boobs were finally useful for something other than attracting unwanted male attention. Moo.

 

[Charris]

My nipples are inverted. So no such luck. I would think up any excuse to give my daughter a bottle. Then finally I told self give the damn girl a bottle and get over it. Soon as I did my damn milk came in and with a baby in the room I'D be drenched. I think a good 20 people tried to get her ornery self to latch on. After she had the ease of the bottle she was like the hell with you and your deformed itty bitty titty. I have no clue why I NEVER PUMPED AND GAVE IT TO THEM! LOL Never said I was a genuis but what I do speacialize in im damn good.