Grandparenting

[Sheanie]

What I have learned so far is that my generation pretty much was completely fucking clueless in raising our babies. Being a grandma so far entails not having any opinion. Nor advice. EVEN WHEN ASKED. Best to remain like Garfields' Pookie teddy bear. Big ears but no mouth. Because DIL and her mother know everything.

Most of the stuff is common sense. Wash your hands, take off your shoes, no kissing the baby, hold her only this way. But the rest is hilarious. Always use the Boppy around your waist. No conversation while holding her. Do not get up or walk. Stay within sight of mom (this I understand, but it only applies to us two, not her parents). Dont exhale on the baby.

I understand hormones, I was a hot fucking mess having newborns. I just wasnt prepared to be told "thats too personal" when asking how the nursing is going. Holy shitballs, batman. I was a fucking LLL leader for years. But thats too personal? Excuse the hell out of me. Apparently, I should be grateful my babies didnt starve to death on my milk. Because there just isnt enough, and I should just MYOB.

Okay, so I will be Grandma Pookie.

 

[Charris]

Oh my i can't believe that crap. I would have been a hot mess without the guidance of my mother and other elders guilding me.

 

[southernlady]

I’m sorry they are missing out on your wisdom.

 

[Sheanie]

Oh my i can't believe that crap. I would have been a hot mess without the guidance of my mother and other elders guilding me.

She does not want help. I was asking everyone. Begging.

 

[Webmommy]

Those post partum hormones are no joke so everything including innocent questions feels like so much more than questions. Just give her time and try not to take it personally. Those hormones and the placenta being gone you have a big drop in cortisol and progesterone and THAT make you feel and act crazy. I'm sorry your feelings were hurt though.

 

[Webmommy]

For what it is worth I would have loved having you as a mother in law or mother since you were a LLL leader. I had to do it mostly on my own and it was so hard.

 

[JackieOnLine]

I’m sorry they are missing out on your wisdom.

this right here!!!

 

[hilary1617]

Hopefully they'll come around!

 

[DianaCox]

1) Sounds like DIL has underlying MIL issues that she may have been better hidden previously.

2) Social filter degradation due to post-partum depression?

3) HER parents pressuring her to keep in-laws at arm’s length?

4) You are a better person than I - I would have gotten very visibly and audibly offended - even knowing that would be counterproductive.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Sabotage her birth control; they just need another kid. (Until then, you gotta get silent...because if you don’t, you’ll be putting your son in a real bad place. If you raised him right...and he feels like he has to choose between Team Mom & Dad and Team Wife and Baby...need I say more?)

https://www.ispot.tv/ad/dIbG/luvs-bath

And...

 

[JackieOnLine]

hmm, now I want to buy Luvs and I don't even have a kid!

 

[Sheanie]

I was more confused than hurt. Up til that comment, she was almost continually talking about every detail of the labor, birth and hospital stay. Shared every detail.

Diana, I think you hit the nail on the head. Her mother turned around and came back, after driving 15 minutes down the road. I think because I was there, and she was breastfeeding well with my help. When she popped back in, she mixed formula and when she came in the room, I was uncomfortable. It became clear that I was the 3rd wheel, so I left.

My impression is that she had grand plans of this pumping being a cakewalk. Now that its not as easy as she planned, she has trouble admitting she wants to supplement.

I have told her many times that I DO NOT CARE if she bottlefeeds or breastfeeds. Hell. I have helped dozens of moms pump and go to work. Even more to safely wean without mastitis. The vast majority were simple latching issues. Flat nipples, sleepy baby, jaundice, etc. Makes no difference to me. Not my baby.

And I dont play games. So if its a competition, someone shoulda told me. I would have tried harder.

 

[DianaCox]

It is hard (for me) to not be insulted when people I care about aren’t interested in my help when offered, especially in my area of expertise.

 

[Sheanie]

It is hard (for me) to not be insulted when people I care about aren’t interested in my help when offered, especially in my area of expertise.

I feel the exact same way. Thats why I listen for a request for my help, especially with this person. My mistake was misinterpreting her complaints about breastfeeding as the request for my help. Up til this point, I have been (I think) too quick to offer help to her. I have enabled her to use me. Now that I have been corrected, I won't make that mistake again. This will be interesting.

 

[Sheanie]

I should mention here that my SIL, my brothers wife, visited them just before this. She has size J cup breasts. Very difficult to nurse, and her first was with epidural. So latching was almost impossible, due to complications. Baby also had a jaw issue. She successfully nursed 4 now, pumping and working fulltime without formula.

DIL also refused her help. She is very insecure, which is curious, since she is the lead singer in an 80s cover band. I am not good at analyzing people.