Feliz Festivus!!

[k9ophile]

What kid wouldn't want a breast feeding shield?

 

[k9ophile]

@hilary1617 Meh, taking the wrong coat is an honest mistake. But since yours had feminine need products, a gift card is a nice gesture.

 

[revisionDS]

Quality of Life Issues...crucial. When our daughter was seven, she came out of her room in tears. "Mommy...I'm sad...I'm wishing mean things about Granddaddy." (My step-father had recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and we had explained it as much as we thought was appropriate for her level of development.)

"Tell me about it," I prompted.

She said, "I think it would be better for Granddaddy to die. He is so confused and he can't do the things he likes and I think if he could see how confused he is, he would be so sad. I feel bad that I want him to die instead of being like this for a long time."

I explained, yes...to a 7-year-old...that she was, in fact, dealing with what people called "quality of life" issues. And that it was really a grown-up thing to be thinking about, but not a mean thing at all. I agreed with her that I would rather have a shorter life NOT having Alzheimer's than a longer life WITH it...and Granddaddy would, too. And that by wishing that Granddaddy would die sooner, it just meant she didn't want him to be sad or suffer, but that she was wishing his sickness, which we knew would never go away, would stop...the only way it could.

Granddaddy lived another seven years. It was torture for everyone.

And, NO! Don't go that way!

from the mouth of babes. my mom is confused, forgetful, still happy, social butterfly as she used to be, she still knows who her close family, husband, children etc. her long term memory is great, short term pretty much non-existent, she forgets she ever eats-I remind her, she forgets how to get dressed-nursing home dresses her, she forgets that she is no longer "at home"- I remind her she is here because she needs extra help with day to day living, she forgets how to walk-nursing home helps her, she forgets she has not done any cooking for years-I no longer reminder of that one, it is just cruel and serves no purpose. My mother spoke 3 languages, she has lost that ability, now she only speaks her native language. I walk into the nursing home my mom speaking her native language and another patient speaking english, I stand there in sadness, but also amazment, still communication. It is usually more torture for those around the dementia/ Alzheimer's patient, than the patient. The worse part for me is that she knows she is losing her memory, and says that to me, that is like a knife. There is not one day I don't think about it, not sure I want to see the day my mother no longer knows who I am, in time that will come.

Edit: and one of my concerns/fears dementia/alzheimer's patients not uncommon for them to revert to their native language, for me my children would not understand me.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

from the mouth of babes. my mom is confused, forgetful, still happy, social butterfly as she used to be, she still knows who her close family, husband, children etc. her long term memory is great, short term pretty much non-existent, she forgets she ever eats-I remind her, she forgets how to get dressed-nursing home dresses her, she forgets that she is no longer "at home"- I remind her she is here because she needs extra help with day to day living, she forgets how to walk-nursing home helps her, she forgets she has not done any cooking for years-I no longer reminder of that one, it is just cruel and serves no purpose. My mother spoke 3 languages, she has lost that ability, now she only speaks her native language. I walk into the nursing home my mom speaking her native language and another patient speaking english, I stand there in sadness, but also amazment, still communication. It is usually more torture for those around the dementia/ Alzheimer's patient, than the patient. The worse part for me is that she knows she is losing her memory, and says that to me, that is like a knife. There is not one day I don't think about it, not sure I want to see the day my mother no longer knows who I am, in time that will come.

Edit: and one of my concerns/fears dementia/alzheimer's patients not uncommon for them to revert to their native language, for me my children would not understand me.

If it is any consolation, my Alzheimer's-devastated step-father never reverted to Spanish and my mother used Spanish only to make insulting comments to primarily-Mexican-immigrant Assisted Living staff, but actually did that cute trick bilingually. They were both Spanish-only until they started school as five-or six-year olds.

As much as I never believed these stories, we have witnesses!
•about two three weeks before her death, she started grilling my husband asking if her "affairs were in order," and asked if she had a will and if we had a copy of it. (He finally told her that we had a copy of her trust, her will and her medical power of attorney with us at all times including keeping a copy in our car...and he asked if she wanted to see it. No, if he was THAT sure, she was good with that.)
•about a week hefore she died, she started apologizing to me for all the time her care had taken, over the past several years and explaining that she never meant to be a burden. Prior to that, she seemed unaware of time and I'd get phone calls where she would say, "I see that the clock says three, but I don't know if it's three in the morning or three in the afternoon." (Constantly in "Promote Awareness Mode," I'd respond with something like, "I'm not near my clock, Mom...but if you look at your window, is it dark outside or light?" And let her figure out what she could...and it was usually 3 am.)
•and then, her last minute gift to me...I couldn't believe it! Went like:
"Sue! When I die, will I be cremated?"
"That's the current plan, Mom, based on what you have told us. BUT!! You have time to change that plan, right now. Just tell me."
"No. That's what I want. Cremation."
"In that case, that is the current plan and we won't change anything."
"So...what are you going to do with the ashes?"
"Well, that's where you have been no help at all. We've never discussed that! Do you have a plan now? Do you know what you want us to do with your ashes?"
Silence.
Staring out the door.
Smirk on face.
"Ah, hell! Surprise me!"

So right there, just a few days before her death, I had my mom back, if only for a few minutes.

 

[Sandy]

"Well, that's where you have been no help at all. We've never discussed that! Do you have a plan now? Do you know what you want us to do with your ashes?"
Silence.
Staring out the door.
Smirk on face.
"Ah, hell! Surprise me!"

So right there, just a few days before her death, I had my mom back, if only for a few minutes.

I laughed. I'm so glad you had this exchange at the end.

 

[hilary1617]

Glad you got her back for a while! I can see from whom you inherited your wonderful sense of humor!

 

[JackieOnLine]

I love that story.

 

[k9ophile]

That exchange brought tears to my eyes. I guess only people who lost their parents to dementia before their bodies went could understand.

 

[Barbara]

@Spiky Bugger Thanks for your story. The love of my life was/ is 16 years older than me. He developed early onset Alzheimer's at 68. Once he couldn't take care of himself his children placed him in a facility and would not let me see him. This was 5 years ago. I don't know if he is still alive. Your story made me smile. I pray Len has had some of those episodes. He was a wonderful man. I miss him.