I was tucked up in my hotel shaking with fear looking into the eyes of my loving and very scared boyfriend. "I will be fine David FINE so fucking fine...just fine". I was convincing myself while he sat terrified trying to be cool. I knew that if I didn't go ahead with the surgery I would likely commit suicide at some point. I was barely able to wipe my own arse anymore without huffing and puffing and feeling ill. The bullying at work had taken an rapid escalation as my walking became harder and harder and the back pain worse and worse. I was eating myself to death. It's been 8 years and I have traveled to Croatia where I hired a car and terrified David all over again by driving to Serbia and getting pulled over by the cops...nae bother just waved my Aussie passport and acted like a loud mouthed happy idiot until they gave up trying to extort a bribe out of me and waved me on. It's been 8 years since I woke up in intensive care after 11.5 hrs in surgery, disorientated, weak and likely suffering from the effects of a small stroke. Meh I recovered. It's been 8 years and I have climbed 15 mountains, walked two long haul hikes across the country from Glasgow to the Highlands and Inverness to Fort William. I've walked from Pokra to Annapurna in Nepal, I've walked on California beaches as the sun rose, I've swum in seas in each hemisphere. I've holidayed alone in Spain, Australia, I've reconnected with distant family. It's been 8 years and I have been a cancery bridesmaid, a survivor, and pioneer and friend, a partner and a brave kick arse fuck off woman. It's been 8 years and I am here. I'm better than I've ever been before and I can honestly say I love this chick. What a total dude. It's been 8 years since anyone has said you'd be pretty if you lost weight. It's been 8 years since I tried to make myself as invisible as possible so people wouldn't hurt me. It's been 8 glorious fucking years. I'm a fucking unicorn! I'm small but i fill an entire room. I am authentically me. I love my DS.