oh, no - I'm so sorry your Mom is that bad off, Diana.
And I get to add another stressor - but it's just mine (well, for the most part, except how my response affects Charles): Mom is dying. In Virginia, 2700 miles from here. And my sister is the only family there, and she's handling this burden all by herself.
Mom had to be moved into a nursing home in June. She's been declining rapidly since then, especially in the last few weeks - her dementia is becoming profound. My sister texted me and our brothers (in Los Angeles, too impoverished and busy keeping their auto repair business from going under to leave for a trip back east - I paid for each of them to visit Mom a couple of years ago) yesterday, advising that she no longer seems to be able to swallow even pureed food - something about dementia is involved. I tried to call Mom today - she couldn't answer the phone - the nurse had to help her, and all she could say is "I can't talk." She was drugged, but apparently this is necessary because otherwise her anxiety has her yelling all the time.
I don't know what to do - I feel like I should be there, but I don't want to be. I don't know how close she is to the end. I don't want it to be all on my sister either, and I don't want Mom to be alone, but ... I don't want to face it myself.
Oh - and we put the deposit down on a new-to-us RV today. We should get it late next week. https://www.rvt.com/Holiday-Rambler-Ambassador-40PDQ-2007-Glendale-AZ-IDs7771099-UX245479 (no, we didn't pay that much). I actually plotted a road trip to VA in the RV, but that is just too much to face, and might take too long.
There is no wrong nor right thing to do.
she no longer seems to be able to swallow even pureed food
And she’s got a fever
I feel for you, Diana. This waiting is very hard .They stopped the IV on Tuesday. She hasn’t had any fluids other than mouth moisteners for over two days. Rachael Skyped with me from her room this afternoon - her breathing was becoming labored but she was completely non-responsive. She’s being given pain meds that are absorbed through the oral mucosa. If she hasn’t already passed, it surely will happen sometime today.
I’m mostly cried out. I just want her to be at peace.