Not sure where to post this, but I'm in a dark place. I feel tired all the time. Out of breath. I make excuses to avoid activities I used to love because I can't handle the heat, like today I'm avoiding a Fourth of July get together. I've missed out on so much family time over the years because I'm too tired, I know I won't be able to keep up, or just because I'm humiliated to be this big. I know how people see fat people. I make excuses to my family and I eat more to comfort myself. I truly hate myself in those moments. Now, because of a self-pay lap band 12 years ago I've fucked myself over and can't get approved for what I really need even though I meet all the requirements. Tired of holding the phone up high and smiling big to look like I'm not a miserable person on Facebook. Lately the depression is starting to feel debilitating. I don't leave the house unless I have to. I just wanted to be able to enjoy the free Disney cruise we have (covered by in-laws) in December without having to fly with a seatbelt extender and avoid the water activities I love...or take an anxiety pill to have the courage to go out in the most modest suit I can find. My family thinks I'm just an introverted unmotivated person. It's not true at all! I want get out and do things. What I see in the mirror is not me.
Desperate and hopeless
- Thread starter Ellie Mae
- Start date
Any funds you can tap like: http://www.401khelpcenter.com/401k_education/401k_emergency_access_hardship.html#.WVwgnGirpPY
While I'm against touching one's retirement funds, if you're not going to make it to retirement if you don't, what's the point?
While I'm against touching one's retirement funds, if you're not going to make it to retirement if you don't, what's the point?
Larra
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2013
- Messages
- 3,524
I'm so sorry you are going through this! I think holidays often bring out the depression in us, especially when you see other people participating in holiday activities and you can't join in.
So my first bit of unasked for advice is to get help for depression. Hopefully Tricare has some kind of provision for that, but get help outside the Tricare system if it doesn't.
Next, never, ever, give up hope. Never. No one knows what the future will bring. I'm thinking you MIGHT be able to argue that you have a complication of your lap band in that it does not and has never worked properly, though without knowing all the details, I don't know for sure how strong a case you can present, and also I've never dealt with Tricare so I don't know how picky they are. But IF they would buy that, maybe you could at least get the band removed and get a sleeve done at the same time. While sleeve is also a (mostly) restriction only operation, it has shown far superior results to those of lap band. Is that something you would consider? And if Tricare won't help, is that something you could afford on your own? Is there someone in the family would would lend you the money? Not ideal, of course, but keep an open mind to every possibility. And know that the people here have been where you are emotionally and we understand.
So my first bit of unasked for advice is to get help for depression. Hopefully Tricare has some kind of provision for that, but get help outside the Tricare system if it doesn't.
Next, never, ever, give up hope. Never. No one knows what the future will bring. I'm thinking you MIGHT be able to argue that you have a complication of your lap band in that it does not and has never worked properly, though without knowing all the details, I don't know for sure how strong a case you can present, and also I've never dealt with Tricare so I don't know how picky they are. But IF they would buy that, maybe you could at least get the band removed and get a sleeve done at the same time. While sleeve is also a (mostly) restriction only operation, it has shown far superior results to those of lap band. Is that something you would consider? And if Tricare won't help, is that something you could afford on your own? Is there someone in the family would would lend you the money? Not ideal, of course, but keep an open mind to every possibility. And know that the people here have been where you are emotionally and we understand.
Munchkin
Full of Fairy Dust
If you find a way to do this, you could be having surgery in 2 weeks or so plus enjoying a trip to MX. It's worth every penny. How many years have you been working? Isn't it time to do something for you?
From the poster child for depression (me): Get help. Counseling, medication, whatever it takes. I was depressed when I weighed 135 pounds and when I weighed 355. Weight loss will help with your physical complaints, yet nobody should suffer from debilitating depression.
I realize you did not ask for advice. Yet I hate to see anyone with a depression like you describe because I've been there. You've gotten excellent advice about surgery.
Best wishes.
I realize you did not ask for advice. Yet I hate to see anyone with a depression like you describe because I've been there. You've gotten excellent advice about surgery.
Best wishes.
Listen to these ladies. We all want you to succeed
Thanks. No funda to tap.
Laura, it's amazing how helpful your simple words, "I'm so sorry you are going through this!", make a difference. Thank you.
I have dealt with depression most of my life and I think medication played a significant role in my weight issues...A role, not the only role. "A necessary evil" is what I have said of antidepressants before. While I've had my share of clinical depression and do see a shrink and therapist, this is purely situational. I would consider the band removal and sleeve only for now, but Tricare's policy makes the band removal the one bariatric per lifetime. Regardless of if they paid for it. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to try.
Thank you for caring. As I just said in another post, I am getting help. I completely agree...I've been depressed at 135. I know it doesn't solve all your problems, but I also loved going to the gym and taking aerobics classes at 135. Now, I can't keep up and it's embarrassing to even go. My quality of life was higher. And today, I've worked through all my childhood junk. I'd be able to appreciate and enjoy a healthy weight so much more.
My husband and I own our own business and while we are doing well today, and passionate about what we do (how many can say that about their job?) we took a loss the first couple years. We put everything into that and still are trying to get caught up with the IRS and student loans.
I have considered asking my grandma who may have the money. But may not. She will not understand though. No one in my family does. I'm the ONLY one with food issues and weight problems. My family tries to be sensitive but I get a lot of passive aggressive judgement. They just don't get why you can't just eat healthier. Plus they saw the lap-band debacle. They won't understand how this is different. All that said, I might still ask her for a loan.
Any advice on how to explain this to someone who doesn't get it?
galaxygrrl
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2016
- Messages
- 1,506
If she will respond to data I would show her this study.
http://www.paclap.com/downloads/comparing-options-for-WLS.pdf
If she responds to emotion, I would have her watch of videos of people's journey.
Here is a woman who yo-yoed a lot. She might of had the lap band
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbizZSc7-3ib0lsK4NyBvqg
If you need more, let me know.
Also, your grandma might not be to excited about Mexico, if that is the case, let us know. We can help with that too.
http://www.paclap.com/downloads/comparing-options-for-WLS.pdf
If she responds to emotion, I would have her watch of videos of people's journey.
Here is a woman who yo-yoed a lot. She might of had the lap band
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbizZSc7-3ib0lsK4NyBvqg
If you need more, let me know.
Also, your grandma might not be to excited about Mexico, if that is the case, let us know. We can help with that too.
Larra
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2013
- Messages
- 3,524
Again, I don't know much about Tricare, but to my mind, having a lap band REMOVED is not a bariatric procedure. It could be presented as treatment of a complication of a bariatric surgery that never worked right, in the context of increasing evidence of the high rate of lap band failing and requiring removal, with or without revision (there is another thread in the "news" forum where I linked to an article on this very subject).
Regarding situational depression, I'm glad you're getting treatment for this, because even when someone has excellent reason to be depressed, treatment still helps.
and regarding your grandma, and the family's general attitude of judgement and lack of understanding, sometimes you just have to forge ahead despite this, gather up your courage, and ask. If the price you pay is judgement, but you get the money, it's more than worth it. Remember this isn't cosmetic surgery, it's medically necessary care. Family is important, but even with family I learned a long time ago not to let their opinions and/or judgement get in my way.
Regarding situational depression, I'm glad you're getting treatment for this, because even when someone has excellent reason to be depressed, treatment still helps.
and regarding your grandma, and the family's general attitude of judgement and lack of understanding, sometimes you just have to forge ahead despite this, gather up your courage, and ask. If the price you pay is judgement, but you get the money, it's more than worth it. Remember this isn't cosmetic surgery, it's medically necessary care. Family is important, but even with family I learned a long time ago not to let their opinions and/or judgement get in my way.
Oh this is good! And I adore that woman! Is she on here?
