You have lost so much weight!

[newanatomy]

We were at a dinner party on Christmas day. There were about 20 people. We are very good friends with the hosts, acquainted with most of the people invited and a few, we were meeting for the first time.

We had been there for a couple of hours, everyone was finished eating and were standing around having cocktails and dessert. This happened:

Her: I didn't recognize you! You have lost so much weight. What have you been doing.
Me: Sheepish nod, a little uncomfortable. Yes, I am an all new me. Thanks. How are you?
Her: You have lost so much weight. I didn't recognize you. You must have lost 80 to 100 pounds. (Really it was more than this, she went on and on. Kept coming back to this topic.)
Me: Clearly uncomfortable now. Yes, I have changed everything. I have lost weight, changed my hair color and grown it out.
Her: Loudly, to another woman whom I have just met that evening, She used to be at least 100 pounds heavier!
Me: Finally, this is not usually what I discuss with strangers at a party but, I had weight loss surgery. I don't consider it a secret but, it is kind of private.

After that her interest mostly dwindled.

How would you have handled this?

 

[kirmy]

Oh look your husbands dick is hanging out of his flies...use the moment of distraction to walk off quickly and consume alcohol.

 

[revisionDS]

We were at a dinner party on Christmas day. There were about 20 people. We are very good friends with the hosts, acquainted with most of the people invited and a few, we were meeting for the first time.

We had been there for a couple of hours, everyone was finished eating and were standing around having cocktails and dessert. This happened:

Her: I didn't recognize you! You have lost so much weight. What have you been doing.
Me: Sheepish nod, a little uncomfortable. Yes, I am an all new me. Thanks. How are you?
Her: You have lost so much weight. I didn't recognize you. You must have lost 80 to 100 pounds. (Really it was more than this, she went on and on. Kept coming back to this topic.)
Me: Clearly uncomfortable now. Yes, I have changed everything. I have lost weight, changed my hair color and grown it out.
Her: Loudly, to another woman whom I have just met that evening, She used to be at least 100 pounds heavier!
Me: Finally, this is not usually what I discuss with strangers at a party but, I had weight loss surgery. I don't consider it a secret but, it is kind of private.

After that her interest mostly dwindled.

How would you have handled this?

this conversation can be difficult depending on who the audience is. You can be gracious and say thank you I have been working hard, changed habits and continue with your festivities and leave, tell them none of your business or tell them that you had WLS. Depending on who you are with WLS is still a "oh you took the easy way out" sigh. You decide who and what you want people to know about you, it really is no one's business how much you weigh or if you had sex the moment before coming to the party, but for some reason people think they have a right to know about your weight, they could give a crap if you had sex, but WLS-oh no, so it depends on who you are talking to. I would not tell someone about my WLS in public, but I would not tell anyone I had a cholecystectomy either, I consider my PHI, just that, others would tell everyone.

 

[brooklyngirl]

I struggle with this one too. On the one hand, I feel like it's nobody's ******* business, but, on the other hand, I feel like I'm being dishonest, as though I have something to be ashamed of, if I say anything other than WLS. 9 times out of 10, I'll say WLS, but if it's just someone being a nosey ****, I nod, smile and break away from the convo. Like @revisionDS said, it's one of the only deeply personal things that people still feel like it's ok to harass you about, and also judge you on

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I can't imagine another MO person saying that, but, just in case, "Thanks for noticing...do you want my doctor's phone number?"

Otherwise, " Well, people lose weight due to a variety of causes...some are good news, one are not. Let's talk about it later." Let the bitch wonder if you are wasting away from Dengue Fever or something.

 

[newanatomy]

I can't imagine another MO person saying that, but, just in case, "Thanks for noticing...do you want my doctor's phone number?"

Otherwise, " Well, people lose weight due to a variety of causes...some are good news, one are not. Let's talk about it later." Let the bitch wonder if you are wasting away from Dengue Fever or something.

Lol. I should have had something ready to say. Oh well, it was never going to stay a secret if even one other person knew about it. By the way, the woman is absolutely tiny and darling. She "runs for pleasure", her description. She was complaining that she is probably up to 125 pounds because she has not been able to run for the last few months. She is undergoing breast reconstruction after a double mastectomy. Due to the extenders, when she runs it hurts and bruises her chest. Luckily, she is cancer free at the moment and will hopefully remain that way!

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I cannot remember which famous "etiquette advisor" used to advise saying, "Would you repeat that please?" And when the person did, we were to say something like, "I couldn't believe my ears, but...I guess that IS what you asked!" Or something close to that.

 

[hilary1617]

My canned response to any inappropriate comment/question is "Why would you say/ask something like that?" Depending on the circumstances and other people in the room, I'd be likely to say something embarrassing - "I thought I heard you were considering surgery too? Have you heard about the vaginal rejuvenation procedure?"...

 

[DianaCox]

"Why would you say/ask something like that?"

This is perfect, and is a time-honored and psychologically effective retort to someone saying something inappropriate. It puts the onus back on the person who made the inappropriate comment to clarify or defend themselves, and takes it OFF of you to respond or answer.

Years ago, I was on a late evening plane flight from DC to SFO. We took off in a thunderstorm, with a full plane. The ascent was TREMENDOUSLY turbulent, and I was terrified (and sitting next to my boss who gets airsick). All of a sudden, the plane felt like it had been struck broadside by a train - it jolted severely to the side, and lurched - and the noisy guy a few rows back who was clearly drunk yelled "Tell the pilot I'll give him $10,000 if he turns around and lands the plane NOW!" - in the gasping moment of silence that followed, a deadheading flight attendant sitting near him said, loudly but calmly - "Sir, why would you say such a thing?" He was dumbfounded and had no answer - and shut the **** up for the rest of the flight - which was mercifully calm after we climbed out of the storm. I was astonished at how effective the question was.

 

[JackieOnLine]

I don't know what you should have said but I like Sue's answers and Diana's, too. wouldn't be so irritating if she has asked in some kind of spirit of warmth or genuine caring.

the hell with her.

 

[Whit]

When I had RNY 12 years ago I was very vocal. Then I gained back most of the loss. Now I just say I had surgery to repair internal "issues", which is not untrue, and resulting weight loss was part of that. That shuts them up and probably leaves them wondering.

 

[Whit]

When I had RNY 12 years ago I was very vocal. Then I gained back most of the loss. Now I just say I had surgery to repair internal "issues", which is not untrue, and resulting weight loss was part of that. That shuts them up and probably leaves them wondering.

 

[Sheanie]

It was Ann Landers who coined the phrase "Why would you ask such a personal question?" She wrote that column over 35 years ago, and it's been reprinted several times by request. I have used it with great satisfying success when snooty ******* ask me about my WLS. I'm very open about it, with sincere people, and only one-on-one, in private. But nosey fuckers piss me off, and I've gotten nasty in my 50's, unlike my life thus far, when I suffered insults and rude people silently.

 

[robs477]

@newanatomy, yeah, you’re a Woman, you know what she was trying to do…B**CH! She was just trying to “Punk” on you in front of everyone. My 2 cent opinion from being an observer of “Human nature” for 56 years is that, well over half, (and I’m probably being too kind) of the people saying things and asking questions are nosy, jealous and envious. A lot of people LOVE to see others fail and hate to see others succeed, especially where they have failed…and that’s just the way it is. BUT…YOU remained a Lady, and I think that is way more punishment to her. People like that that have to make themselves feel good by making others appear bad are miserable, so, you did the right thing!!

@kirmy.....you crack me the F up!

 

[kirmy]

I'd have taken the bitch down...maybe a rugby tackle or a coat hanger. Boom...and the wench is gone!