more2adore
Well-Known Member
Thank you so much, EN.
VSG vs. DS (Sydney, Aus.)
- Thread starter more2adore
- Start date
Help Support Bariatric & Weight Loss Surgery Forum:
veteranDS
Member
I just joined this site so I'm coming late to the party and I just sifted thru pages of this thread and I'd like to add my OPINION. I just posted this to another thread but I feel passionately that it needs repeating....
Let's see here, this is my first post. I feel really strong about this subject. Forget about how much you get to eat or what you can eat. Who are you? What are your truths? What's wrong in your life? Debt? Bad marriage? Unresolved trauma? These will all be left after the surgery and any weight loss. I'M 15 years out and I'm thin and my body came out better than anyone I know. I can eat what I want, but none of that matters. When you free your mind and live life to its full potential, good food choices and constant movement are a no brainer. These last two are essentials, WLS or not, it will always be calories in and calories out. Our wonderful surgeons, as much as I think of him as my God, they are not. This decision to implement this TOOL into our life is small potatoes compared to what you'll do with it. Yes, I'd do it again in a hot second, but I'd start fixing me before I had the surgery. Please don't let this discourage you, my hope is that it encourages you to do better than I did. Denial is strong in a lot of people. No one could have convinced me that just being thin was the answer to being happy. It was not. I've heard others say the same thing. I failed my own surgery in so many ways. I did all the damage to my body, before and after WLS. I'm happy and positive, but I know see things as they should be. If your focus is on anything else prior to surgery, IMHO, is a mistake......and no if you fix yourself, you won't be denied the surgery, unless of course you fix you so good, you lose it on your own!!! LOL....the short version is to spend more time with your therapist, than you surgeons. I expect those in deep denial to passionately disagree with me. I know there are exceptions, but the numbers are to small to calculate, and those people are not on message boards looking for answers.
Love, Carla
Let's see here, this is my first post. I feel really strong about this subject. Forget about how much you get to eat or what you can eat. Who are you? What are your truths? What's wrong in your life? Debt? Bad marriage? Unresolved trauma? These will all be left after the surgery and any weight loss. I'M 15 years out and I'm thin and my body came out better than anyone I know. I can eat what I want, but none of that matters. When you free your mind and live life to its full potential, good food choices and constant movement are a no brainer. These last two are essentials, WLS or not, it will always be calories in and calories out. Our wonderful surgeons, as much as I think of him as my God, they are not. This decision to implement this TOOL into our life is small potatoes compared to what you'll do with it. Yes, I'd do it again in a hot second, but I'd start fixing me before I had the surgery. Please don't let this discourage you, my hope is that it encourages you to do better than I did. Denial is strong in a lot of people. No one could have convinced me that just being thin was the answer to being happy. It was not. I've heard others say the same thing. I failed my own surgery in so many ways. I did all the damage to my body, before and after WLS. I'm happy and positive, but I know see things as they should be. If your focus is on anything else prior to surgery, IMHO, is a mistake......and no if you fix yourself, you won't be denied the surgery, unless of course you fix you so good, you lose it on your own!!! LOL....the short version is to spend more time with your therapist, than you surgeons. I expect those in deep denial to passionately disagree with me. I know there are exceptions, but the numbers are to small to calculate, and those people are not on message boards looking for answers.
Love, Carla
Hi Carla & welcome
veteranDS
Member
Thanks, I'm so excited reading everyone's posts!!!Hi Carla & welcome
I deliberately did both at once, myself. @more2adore - I wish you could get the DS right away - and I really admire how hard you are working.
@veteranDS please do not post it again...I understand you are passionate but repetition can cause people to ignore you. Please stop the copy and paste and that is something *I* FEEL strongly about.
Elizabeth N.
Herder of cats
@more2adore I hope you block this ditz and go on with your bad self. You don't need that bullshit.
veteranDS
Member
Got it, I really didn't mean to offend anyone. I guess I touched a nerve either way. Maybe I'm on to something, maybe I'm not. We all know our truth,or at least we should. I see all the sides, but don't know these people personally. I throw it out there in hopes to catch those who need or want to hear it. I'm still in denial over things I'm sure. I would love someone else like me t o catch it sooner than I did. Is that bad? I won't spoon feed anyone, I tell the truth as I see it and hope those who need to hear it do. I really do care about people in our situation.
Larra
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2013
- Messages
- 3,558
You still don't get it. It isn't a question of offending anyone. It's your presumptuousness of coming here brand new (to this forum, at least) and deciding that you know what is wrong with us and what we should have done to fix ourselves.
No, YOU don't know us. But many of us have been to contact, publicly and privately, for a long time now and know each other well. How dare you presume to lecture us about our psych issues and how we all needed therapy either before or rather than surgery? You have a hell of a nerve. And just to make matters worse, you inserted yourself into a thread about someone with multiple severe and complex MEDICAL problems about which you seem to be oblivious.
I very rarely take anyone to task on any forum, but will here. BACK OFF! Spend awhile reading and figuring out who we are before you dive in with your judgements about how emotionally damaged all of us are, and how we should have dealt with our alleged problems. All you have accomplished is to annoy a really nice group of people, and reveal your own baggage.
and just by the by, I'm also a Rabkin patient. PacLap is one of the very few practices that actually provides good nutritional info for DS patients, including vitamin info. It's in their pre-op info. It's discussed all the time at the support groups, which are free and open to anyone. How you could be so totally unaware of something so basic as our need for the "dry" forms of the fat soluble vitamins is beyond me.
No, YOU don't know us. But many of us have been to contact, publicly and privately, for a long time now and know each other well. How dare you presume to lecture us about our psych issues and how we all needed therapy either before or rather than surgery? You have a hell of a nerve. And just to make matters worse, you inserted yourself into a thread about someone with multiple severe and complex MEDICAL problems about which you seem to be oblivious.
I very rarely take anyone to task on any forum, but will here. BACK OFF! Spend awhile reading and figuring out who we are before you dive in with your judgements about how emotionally damaged all of us are, and how we should have dealt with our alleged problems. All you have accomplished is to annoy a really nice group of people, and reveal your own baggage.
and just by the by, I'm also a Rabkin patient. PacLap is one of the very few practices that actually provides good nutritional info for DS patients, including vitamin info. It's in their pre-op info. It's discussed all the time at the support groups, which are free and open to anyone. How you could be so totally unaware of something so basic as our need for the "dry" forms of the fat soluble vitamins is beyond me.
veteranDS
Member
I'm going to keep taking all of this because I'm not some crazy. I made an observation and I stand by it for those who it applies. I get it, but just because I didnt know about dry vitamin D, doesn't mean that I'm completely wrong. I see other posts about people who don't comply and what the consequences are. This was my opinion. I had major medical problems too and then they went away and because 14 years ago I was not prepared enough, I screwed things up. I know others have done it and it breaks my heart. Now I have a new set of issues. Are you all really telling there was no truth to my opinion and I'm the only one who h as had this experience? Ive met others, I know I'm not alone or completely off base. Again I'm sorry for not coming across better. Can we move on?
Purple Frog
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2014
- Messages
- 85
You came back to M2As thread and have yet to apologize to her, yet you want to move on?
Last edited:
the moving on thing might take a bit...
Elizabeth N.
Herder of cats
Honeybuns, you have misbehaved so hugely that Larra, who is a saint of patience and gentleness in her posting habits, has handed you your ass on a platter TWICE already. That is some sort of record, I'm sure.
You owe More2Adore a groveling, on your knees apology with no qualifiers, no NOTHING attached. So knock off the woe-is-me-you-don't-understand bullshit.
more2adore
Well-Known Member
Hahahahahaha. Oh man, the fact that I see the humor in this and am not at all upset by your little diatribe is actually irrefutable proof that I'm WAY better off emotionally than I was two years ago. Three years ago, *while I was actively undergoing eating disorder therapy* (ahem... more on that in a second), your little rant would have sent me off to an emotional-eating frenzy just to prove to you that it is NOBODY's fucking business what *I* do with *my* body. Guess what? It still is NONE of your business what I do with my body, but this time I'm going to tell you that and go eat my canteloupe and yoghurt. Larra is 100% spot on - your little post to me is saying way more about YOUR baggage than anything else.
For what it is worth, I am SORRY you feel you had WLS before you were ready and didn't work on yourself adequately. The fact that you think that is the case with me, though, is nothing but projection. Here's why:
First off, I am HAPPY. Ridiculously happy, in fact. I not only have a GOOD marriage, I have a great marriage - and to top it all off, I'm a newlywed. I'm a hugely positive person - my friends call me bubbly, annoyingly so. I'm an enormous optimist. Sure, we have debt, but it's manageable - and will be even more so when I get a job (keep your fingers crossed ladies, I just applied for something I'm eminently qualified for and I bet I get an interview... I usually do). The only unhappiness in my life is my health. Unresolved trauma? Not quite. Remember how I said "more on that in a second?" Here's your "more."
Let me tell you a little bit about my journey to WLS. You've made huge assumptions about who I am - so now, I'm going to tell you why you're wrong, and since you judged me you're going to be a better person and read all of this. This is what happens when you get judgmental with a writer. You get a nice long life story to read. Hopefully the other board members won't mind. Buckle up.
I have an eating disorder. Binge eating disorder, specifically. My grandmother, who raised me, had an eating disorder of her own and starved me and fed me over and over again in an endless dieting cycle all through my childhood. 700 calories at age 7. That's the short version.
When I was around 21 (I'm 35 now, by the way), I sought eating disorder therapy for the first time. I had a terrific therapist who was able to stop the active binging. I no longer ate until I made myself physically ill. I no longer ate everything that looked appealing in the house, all at once, out of fear it would be taken from me if I didn't eat it right then. But at this point I was already ~375 pounds and my body just would not let go of any weight even after I stopped binging. I tried dieting on my own for six months after that counselor moved away, but failed miserably and ended up at about 425 pounds. Quite honestly, I wasn't ready. My eating disorder was better managed in that I wasn't actively binging until I felt sick anymore, but being told I couldn't have certain foods I wanted to eat (even by me!) still triggered me to want to eat them 100% more. I ended up moving and attending one of the top 20 colleges in the US, where I ate really well and quite a lot, heh. I lost a little here and there due to walking around campus, but mostly maintained my weight. Then I studied abroad for a semester in Spain, and lost 75 pounds from all the walking I did. And, of course, promptly regained it when I moved back to the US in about six months and moved back home (do we see a pattern here)? I still wasn't ready.
I graduated from college and moved back home. I ate pretty much whatever I wanted and gained and gained and gained over a period of several years. I was about 525 pounds and still gaining. Finally, after being hospitalized four times due to an ulcer on my leg (a condition actually unrelated to my weight.. really rare autoimmune condition), and seeing how I was treated in the hospital, and faced with my own mortality... it clicked. I needed to lose. I was ready. Even though my weight wasn't what was hospitalizing me, it certainly wasn't helping. I had to do something about it. Even at this point, I was NOT considering WLS. I had been rabidly anti-WLS for literally years (ever since I found the Fat Acceptance community around age 21 and had read all the horror stories posted by people there who had had WLS and failed and gained all the weight back, or people posting about friends who had had WLS and died from complications). Of course, what I didn't know is how one-sided the information I was getting truly was... but anyhow, I hated the idea of WLS. Why would I permanently reroute MY body when I still believed I was capable, if I tried REALLY hard, like, SERIOUSLY TRIED, of losing weight on my own? So I tried to diet on my own again... and was once again facing my eating disorder in black and white: every time I tried to say "No whole pizza for dinner" to myself, that's all I'd want, and I'd eat pizza until I was full. Even though I'd stop well before I made myself physically ill, as I recognized and listened to my "I'm full" signal, years of overeating meant that I could eat a WHOLE helluva lot before I felt full.
So I made one of the best choices I've ever made, and looked for another therapist. This time I sought out a therapist who specialized in "alternative lifestyles." Frankly, I wanted a therapist who could understand that I was super fat AND had a ton of self confidence AND loved my body AND thought I was sexy (I do!) AND was dating men who thought I was the sexiest thing ever, but that I wanted to be healthier, and I did NOT want WLS. Under any circumstances.
Luckily for me, I found her. She really got it. And she and I worked together on my eating disorder for about two years. About halfway through, when she thought I was ready, I also began seeing a nutritionist who specializes in eating disorders. I had a problem though. I was finding that of these three qualities: easy to prepare, cheap, and healthy, I could only ever find food that fit two of those three criteria. "Easy to prepare" wasn't out of laziness - at almost 600 pounds I couldn't comfortably stand long enough to actually cook for myself beyond throwing something in a microwave. And my monthly food budget was only $100/month, which leaves hardly any room for fresh fruit or veggies. So I ended up on a diet that was mostly comprised of smoothies for breakfast (frozen berries are cheap + milk + store-brand granola + chia seeds on the rare occasions I could afford them), Lean Cuisines for lunch (oh, the rewards points I had with them), slim fast shakes for breakfast or lunch when I didn't have time to make a smoothie or was out of Lean Cuisines, almonds and string cheese for snacks, and lean cuisine for dinner when I was really tired, or some sort of easy chicken breast + frozen veggies dish for dinner when I wasn't. I did well on this for several months, but then I got down to 502 and saw 499 in my future and I just freaked out. I suddenly couldn't handle this diet anymore, I was sick of it all, whatever. I freaked out. But unlike previous times in my life where I had given up on diets, I DIDN'T THROW THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATHWATER. I kept right on seeing my therapist and nutritionist. They helped me deal with my feelings and brainstorm as best they could ways for me to eat as healthily as possible. I started doing better and better - I had several breakthrough sessions with my therapist and I stopped feeling that eating healthily was depriving myself. I just really needed a better food budget. I started looking for jobs that would pay me more, and looking to move to the other side of the country, away from toxic grandmother. I thought San Diego sounded wonderful.
Then, out of nowhere, a man came back into my life. A man I had loved for years, who I had quite a history with, but who had ended up moving to Australia right as we were getting super serious (he had applied for a job transfer right before we started dating and thought he hadn't gotten it. A year later, he found out he had). He said that about six months after he moved to Australia, he realized leaving me behind was the biggest mistake of his life. He was still in love with me, but he had to wait two years from moving there in order to be a permanent resident so that he'd qualify to sponsor me for a visa and I could immigrate to the country. He asked me to marry him. Obviously this was earth-shattering to me, so I asked for a few days to think it over (lol). I talked with my therapist (really in-depth), my family and friends, and the consensus was: do it. So I did.
Here's the thing, though - Australia doesn't let you immigrate unless you pass a health exam. They're concerned about your cost to the system, so in regards to mental health are concerned primarily with any potential for psychiatric hospitalizations. (I've never thankfully needed anything like that). We were REALLY REALLY worried about passing the medical exam, as you can imagine. My therapist had to write a letter. Here's a little excerpt copied and pasted for you with my (former) last name redacted - no one can tell you better than she can what the state of my eating disorder therapy was at that point:
There you go. A statement from a health professional to a governmental entity.
So I made the move here, started eating low-GI with hubby (who is insulin resistant), became a lot more active because you really have to walk to get anywhere in the city here, got married, and started losing weight left and right for a few months. I actually didn't even know I was (though hubby insisted he could see it) because I literally didn't unpack my scale for several months. I had been too heavy for it in the US. When I finally unpacked it, I realized I had lost 75 pounds. But then the weight stabilized, and that was it... it wouldn't go any further for several months. I was hospitalized on our wedding night, though, which was devastating, and the specialist here confirmed that while my autoimmune disorder won't go away with weight loss, the ulcers it causes on my legs will heal more quickly. That was all I needed to know. But I was already doing all the "right" things and not losing. I know my body - from having spent virtually my whole life dieting, I know that it will just plateau, over and over again. To do the same thing over and over again and expect different results is madness, as the old adage goes. I want kids. I want a life that involves sailing and scuba diving and walking around the city without having to stop at a bench every block or two. So it's clearly time for weight loss via a different route than dieting - and my decision was that that meant WLS. Only, it needed to be a WLS that wouldn't make me feel deprived - so I threw myself into research and discovered the DS. As I've said, I don't count calories but can count carbs and protein just fine, and I'm doing great eating the way I'll need to eat post-DS.
So... believe me when I say I am BEYOND ready. It is time. I am mentally in a very different place than I was before, and I am READY.
I'm sorry you weren't ready and you didn't do the work first. That doesn't mean someone else isn't ready, or hasn't done the work. I have fucking worked my butt off to resolve old issues. I realize this was a very long read, but I hope the next time you jump to judgment on someone and try to project your own issues onto them, you stop and think - you NEVER know who someone is or what their story is until they actually tell you. Stop making ASSumptions. They only make you an ass.
For what it is worth, I am SORRY you feel you had WLS before you were ready and didn't work on yourself adequately. The fact that you think that is the case with me, though, is nothing but projection. Here's why:
First off, I am HAPPY. Ridiculously happy, in fact. I not only have a GOOD marriage, I have a great marriage - and to top it all off, I'm a newlywed. I'm a hugely positive person - my friends call me bubbly, annoyingly so. I'm an enormous optimist. Sure, we have debt, but it's manageable - and will be even more so when I get a job (keep your fingers crossed ladies, I just applied for something I'm eminently qualified for and I bet I get an interview... I usually do). The only unhappiness in my life is my health. Unresolved trauma? Not quite. Remember how I said "more on that in a second?" Here's your "more."
Let me tell you a little bit about my journey to WLS. You've made huge assumptions about who I am - so now, I'm going to tell you why you're wrong, and since you judged me you're going to be a better person and read all of this. This is what happens when you get judgmental with a writer. You get a nice long life story to read. Hopefully the other board members won't mind. Buckle up.
I have an eating disorder. Binge eating disorder, specifically. My grandmother, who raised me, had an eating disorder of her own and starved me and fed me over and over again in an endless dieting cycle all through my childhood. 700 calories at age 7. That's the short version.
When I was around 21 (I'm 35 now, by the way), I sought eating disorder therapy for the first time. I had a terrific therapist who was able to stop the active binging. I no longer ate until I made myself physically ill. I no longer ate everything that looked appealing in the house, all at once, out of fear it would be taken from me if I didn't eat it right then. But at this point I was already ~375 pounds and my body just would not let go of any weight even after I stopped binging. I tried dieting on my own for six months after that counselor moved away, but failed miserably and ended up at about 425 pounds. Quite honestly, I wasn't ready. My eating disorder was better managed in that I wasn't actively binging until I felt sick anymore, but being told I couldn't have certain foods I wanted to eat (even by me!) still triggered me to want to eat them 100% more. I ended up moving and attending one of the top 20 colleges in the US, where I ate really well and quite a lot, heh. I lost a little here and there due to walking around campus, but mostly maintained my weight. Then I studied abroad for a semester in Spain, and lost 75 pounds from all the walking I did. And, of course, promptly regained it when I moved back to the US in about six months and moved back home (do we see a pattern here)? I still wasn't ready.
I graduated from college and moved back home. I ate pretty much whatever I wanted and gained and gained and gained over a period of several years. I was about 525 pounds and still gaining. Finally, after being hospitalized four times due to an ulcer on my leg (a condition actually unrelated to my weight.. really rare autoimmune condition), and seeing how I was treated in the hospital, and faced with my own mortality... it clicked. I needed to lose. I was ready. Even though my weight wasn't what was hospitalizing me, it certainly wasn't helping. I had to do something about it. Even at this point, I was NOT considering WLS. I had been rabidly anti-WLS for literally years (ever since I found the Fat Acceptance community around age 21 and had read all the horror stories posted by people there who had had WLS and failed and gained all the weight back, or people posting about friends who had had WLS and died from complications). Of course, what I didn't know is how one-sided the information I was getting truly was... but anyhow, I hated the idea of WLS. Why would I permanently reroute MY body when I still believed I was capable, if I tried REALLY hard, like, SERIOUSLY TRIED, of losing weight on my own? So I tried to diet on my own again... and was once again facing my eating disorder in black and white: every time I tried to say "No whole pizza for dinner" to myself, that's all I'd want, and I'd eat pizza until I was full. Even though I'd stop well before I made myself physically ill, as I recognized and listened to my "I'm full" signal, years of overeating meant that I could eat a WHOLE helluva lot before I felt full.
So I made one of the best choices I've ever made, and looked for another therapist. This time I sought out a therapist who specialized in "alternative lifestyles." Frankly, I wanted a therapist who could understand that I was super fat AND had a ton of self confidence AND loved my body AND thought I was sexy (I do!) AND was dating men who thought I was the sexiest thing ever, but that I wanted to be healthier, and I did NOT want WLS. Under any circumstances.
Luckily for me, I found her. She really got it. And she and I worked together on my eating disorder for about two years. About halfway through, when she thought I was ready, I also began seeing a nutritionist who specializes in eating disorders. I had a problem though. I was finding that of these three qualities: easy to prepare, cheap, and healthy, I could only ever find food that fit two of those three criteria. "Easy to prepare" wasn't out of laziness - at almost 600 pounds I couldn't comfortably stand long enough to actually cook for myself beyond throwing something in a microwave. And my monthly food budget was only $100/month, which leaves hardly any room for fresh fruit or veggies. So I ended up on a diet that was mostly comprised of smoothies for breakfast (frozen berries are cheap + milk + store-brand granola + chia seeds on the rare occasions I could afford them), Lean Cuisines for lunch (oh, the rewards points I had with them), slim fast shakes for breakfast or lunch when I didn't have time to make a smoothie or was out of Lean Cuisines, almonds and string cheese for snacks, and lean cuisine for dinner when I was really tired, or some sort of easy chicken breast + frozen veggies dish for dinner when I wasn't. I did well on this for several months, but then I got down to 502 and saw 499 in my future and I just freaked out. I suddenly couldn't handle this diet anymore, I was sick of it all, whatever. I freaked out. But unlike previous times in my life where I had given up on diets, I DIDN'T THROW THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATHWATER. I kept right on seeing my therapist and nutritionist. They helped me deal with my feelings and brainstorm as best they could ways for me to eat as healthily as possible. I started doing better and better - I had several breakthrough sessions with my therapist and I stopped feeling that eating healthily was depriving myself. I just really needed a better food budget. I started looking for jobs that would pay me more, and looking to move to the other side of the country, away from toxic grandmother. I thought San Diego sounded wonderful.
Then, out of nowhere, a man came back into my life. A man I had loved for years, who I had quite a history with, but who had ended up moving to Australia right as we were getting super serious (he had applied for a job transfer right before we started dating and thought he hadn't gotten it. A year later, he found out he had). He said that about six months after he moved to Australia, he realized leaving me behind was the biggest mistake of his life. He was still in love with me, but he had to wait two years from moving there in order to be a permanent resident so that he'd qualify to sponsor me for a visa and I could immigrate to the country. He asked me to marry him. Obviously this was earth-shattering to me, so I asked for a few days to think it over (lol). I talked with my therapist (really in-depth), my family and friends, and the consensus was: do it. So I did.
Here's the thing, though - Australia doesn't let you immigrate unless you pass a health exam. They're concerned about your cost to the system, so in regards to mental health are concerned primarily with any potential for psychiatric hospitalizations. (I've never thankfully needed anything like that). We were REALLY REALLY worried about passing the medical exam, as you can imagine. My therapist had to write a letter. Here's a little excerpt copied and pasted for you with my (former) last name redacted - no one can tell you better than she can what the state of my eating disorder therapy was at that point:
There you go. A statement from a health professional to a governmental entity.
So I made the move here, started eating low-GI with hubby (who is insulin resistant), became a lot more active because you really have to walk to get anywhere in the city here, got married, and started losing weight left and right for a few months. I actually didn't even know I was (though hubby insisted he could see it) because I literally didn't unpack my scale for several months. I had been too heavy for it in the US. When I finally unpacked it, I realized I had lost 75 pounds. But then the weight stabilized, and that was it... it wouldn't go any further for several months. I was hospitalized on our wedding night, though, which was devastating, and the specialist here confirmed that while my autoimmune disorder won't go away with weight loss, the ulcers it causes on my legs will heal more quickly. That was all I needed to know. But I was already doing all the "right" things and not losing. I know my body - from having spent virtually my whole life dieting, I know that it will just plateau, over and over again. To do the same thing over and over again and expect different results is madness, as the old adage goes. I want kids. I want a life that involves sailing and scuba diving and walking around the city without having to stop at a bench every block or two. So it's clearly time for weight loss via a different route than dieting - and my decision was that that meant WLS. Only, it needed to be a WLS that wouldn't make me feel deprived - so I threw myself into research and discovered the DS. As I've said, I don't count calories but can count carbs and protein just fine, and I'm doing great eating the way I'll need to eat post-DS.
So... believe me when I say I am BEYOND ready. It is time. I am mentally in a very different place than I was before, and I am READY.
I'm sorry you weren't ready and you didn't do the work first. That doesn't mean someone else isn't ready, or hasn't done the work. I have fucking worked my butt off to resolve old issues. I realize this was a very long read, but I hope the next time you jump to judgment on someone and try to project your own issues onto them, you stop and think - you NEVER know who someone is or what their story is until they actually tell you. Stop making ASSumptions. They only make you an ass.
