Sad...

[catecholamine]

So, my surgery is a week from tomorrow. Well, my bf got a call from his mom - she has cancer (it came back). He was naturally devastated. He raced off to Maryland (10hr drive) to be with her. They haven't told her yet how bad it is really or the treatment plan, but they are supposed to call her this week.
It means I'll be alone after surgery. Just feeling kind of lonely. I feel bad for my bf and his mom, and kind of selfish for feeling lonely. I'm not mad at him because I totally understand. My mom made some comments about him, but she's an ass, and she originally wasn't even going to come for my surgery so she can suck it.

I am going to stay maybe a day or two at my aunts house near the hospital, but I can't stay long because my dog will be boarded and it will get expensive. I'm going to be home alone. I don't know why, but when I had my gallbladder out, I did it all alone and boy did I feel lonely. I already feel lonely just him not being here for pre-op stuff.

How do I combat this? I've been trying to go out for meals with friends to be social but that adds up, even going to cheap places.

 

[hilary1617]

Cat, I am so sorry to hear this. Please tell your friends how you feel. Can someone (or a couple of them alternating) come stay with you for a few days before and after surgery?

 

[Larra]

I'm sorry this has happened to you, and to bf's mother especially.

I was home by myself after my DS. I had a friend take care of my dog at home where I was in the hospital, and she continued to come over and walk him every day while I couldn't. She also helped with occasionally lifting something I couldn't lift as a fresh post-op. That was it. And I did just fine. Granted I probably would have done better with someone to push me to drink more water and so on, but I still did ok, and so will you. You can do this.

Larra

 

[Spiky Bugger]

First...I always over-prepare for stuff. Pre-op, I called a few SMALL home health agencies and asked if they might consider a two-hour minimum instead of their usual four hours. I think two out of three places said they would. That's someone to be there when I showered, do a load of laundry, take the trash out...that kind of thing.

Since those people usually make only minimum wage, perhaps you know someone who has a family member in a nursing home or who gets home health care...and maybe that person could stop by for a couple of hours a day for a week or so. It would add to their income, you wouldn't have to take the trash out and you wouldn't be all alone. It wouldn't be your "usual companionship," but in this situation you might need someone whose job is to care for you as opposed to just visit...and, if you're lucky, you MIGHT end up with some companionship as well.

Meanwhile, go right ahead and ask friends to take turns nuking you a cup of broth and visiting while he's gone. You'd do it for them, right?

(Oh...and if your mom doesn't cut it out, ask her if she would want you to leave HER alone with a cancer diagnosis to take care of your bf after he has what is technically elective surgery.)

 

[Paula]

All my good thoughts to your BF's mother on this sad turn of events. It's so kind of you, Cat, to let him go to Maryland to be with her right now even though you need him by your side too. You are giving him the greatest thing right now...time with his mom while he still can.

I know that the thought of going your DS alone is daunting, but it honestly is doable. I was alone for my surgery too. I swear it's going to be okay. I was alone the majority of the time when I got home and the other part of the time trying to do the mom thing with my then 8-year-old. I did what I could and just put off what I couldn't do just then. You got this

 

[southernlady]

Cat, I am sorry about this.

 

[Whit]

I am sorry you are going through this. Cancer sucks I lost both of my parents one right after the other, while I was in my early 40's. It's ok to feel sad thats what we are here for. I think arranging for a home nurse is an excellent idea. Maybe they can come in the morning for a couple of hours and n the evening to help you get to bed. Or maybe a friend can come over in the evenings walk your doggie if you cant and visit.

You can do this piece of Cake..no-carb protein cake?
Best

 

[catecholamine]

I can't really afford to pay anyone to help me. And my friends...well... I'll put it this way. I would call them if I needed a ride or something, but this... I don't know. All my friends that are local now are guys. All my friends are just nerdy guys. Lol. All the females have relocated. I don't know... I know one thing, I sure don't want my mom to stay with me! I'd rather go it alone than that! I'm lucky that I don't have to put my dog on a leash, I have a little area behind my apartment and he stays right here and does his business then runs to the door to come back in. He is a big boy though, golden retriever. Hopefully he wont jump on me too much! I guess I'll make it, one way or another, I'm just going to be feeling alone. I have a mental health case manager that will come by once a week to check on me and talk for 30-45 mins or so....too bad I can't ask him to take out the trash! Lol.

 

[SHales]

I can't really afford to pay anyone to help me. And my friends...well... I'll put it this way. I would call them if I needed a ride or something, but this... I don't know. All my friends that are local now are guys. All my friends are just nerdy guys. Lol. All the females have relocated. I don't know... I know one thing, I sure don't want my mom to stay with me! I'd rather go it alone than that! I'm lucky that I don't have to put my dog on a leash, I have a little area behind my apartment and he stays right here and does his business then runs to the door to come back in. He is a big boy though, golden retriever. Hopefully he wont jump on me too much! I guess I'll make it, one way or another, I'm just going to be feeling alone. I have a mental health case manager that will come by once a week to check on me and talk for 30-45 mins or so....too bad I can't ask him to take out the trash! Lol.

Will your insurance cover a few days of home health care or patient assist? Medicaid frequently covers this and I know other insurances do also. Ask!

 

[Whit]

I'll bet you will be fine. Make sure you have soup and other things that can be heated in the micro. I know you can do it. Check with insurance-good idea Shales. Where do you live? Can you ask a neighbor to empty the trash? You will need to walk a bit maybe put the trash in small bags and take them out daily. You will not be eating much so not much trash. Have the Mental Health Manager come by a couple of days after surgery. You can do it !

 

[hilary1617]

Your male "nerd" friends (my favorite category of friends) would probably be happy to come by, take out the trash, walk the dog and say hello. Give it an ask if you feel comfortable doing so. They probably want to help but don't know what you will need - so let them know.

 

[DianaCox]

Male nerdy friends: Invite them over - maybe 4 of them? - all at the same time. Tell them you need them to help you, to organize themselves in teams for a few days of when-you-get-home-from-the-hospital care. Get them to pair up, and alternate - one visit each in the AM and PM. Someone to be around when you shower, in case you fall, and to take a walk; someone to help you take a walk and perhaps a quick trip to the store. Give them ASSIGNMENTS - men like assignments. And then cry when you thank them for helping you. You'll probably get flowers too.

 

[shann]

Cat, I'm here in town and I'm available!! Just let me know when I can come and what I can do to help. I have a golden too, so your sweet boy wouldn't bother me at all!!

SERIOUSLY, I really mean it!!

 

[Bagaof4]

So sorry to hear of the cancer diagnosis. And while it sucks that you will have to let your BF be with his mom, it sounds like you know she will need him more than you. You can do this solo. I was pretty much in the same boat and made it just fine. After the first wild and happy greeting of my dog, Teddy, he somehow new I was healing and he never came near my hurting tummy. He just snuggled up to my side during my whole recovery. I had prepared hydration and soft food options before I went in and never needed anything until I was able to drive myself at 3 weeks out. A friend brought me soup once, but the short walks to take small bags of trash out were not a problem and kept me moving. I had all the time I needed to take it slowly. The hardest part was getting up out of the bed, but I did figure out a way to do it without too much pain (had to lie there and think about it for a bit). I think I liked the idea that I was on my own, was doing it for ME, and had the time to wrap my head around the big change to my life and relationship with food. I know we are all so different, and I had no complications, but it can be done. After 5 weeks at home, I was ready to be back to work and around others. The worst part was appendectomy 10 weeks later and stuck at home alone again for another 3 weeks. Dealt with a bit of depression then.
Ask you nerdy friends to visit you, but think of it as 'me' time and spoil yourself. I always wonder how hard it would have been to travel alone to a foreign country and back for surgery. To me, that would have been much harder, but many have done it! Good luck! (We are also here! The help and support I received from the people here are really what saw me through!)

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Cat, given your unresolved medical issues, I'm going to say that this is a message from the universe telling you that you need to cancel that surgery date. I hear your feelings and I empathize big time. But you are risking your life by insisting on moving forward with all these unresolved medical questions, and by insisting on going ahead with surgery despite being very anemic.

****hugs**** Life is going to get better. This delay will not last long, and it will be all worth it later.