Reflecting on my journey

[Munchkin]

Thank you. You will never know how much I needed to see this today. It is funny because of my weight loss surgery I have 2 family members and 1friend who have all had surgery. All of them are within 10 to 20 lbs of their goal weights. That was never my story. I am happy for their success and grateful for my progress but wish I would have made it to my goal weight.

I get perspective from thinking about what I would weigh today if I had done nothing…. IF, and that’s a big if, I was still alive.

 

[Larra]

k9ophile I think your emotional reaction to seeing "fluffy" all these years later was totally normal. Of course we all cringe at ourselves when we are not our best selves. But you did very well not to approach her, you weren't a mean girl, and I believe that, at some point when you are able to reflect on this unexpected follow-up, you will feel compassion for her. She's probably sad and embarrassed about her regain after being so sure of herself, though she wouldn't want to show her sadness to the world. It's ok to feel that shadenfreude initially. You're a good person. You'll get past that and find your empathy.
And MsVee I share your tendency to compare myself to others for all sorts of reasons. I recently found a saying, supposedly attributed to Teddy Roosevelt, that "comparison is the thief of joy". That really hit me. It's difficult, but I'm trying to let go of the comparisons and just be happy with myself as I am. If I can move in that direction, I think it will be a good thing.

 

[JackieOnLine]

But you did very well not to approach her, you weren't a mean girl, and I believe that, at some point when you are able to reflect on this unexpected follow-up, you will feel compassion for her. She's probably sad and embarrassed about her regain after being so sure of herself, though she wouldn't want to show her sadness to the world. It's ok to feel that shadenfreude initially. You're a good person. You'll get past that and find your empathy.

beautifully said, Larra

 

[Georgepds]

Re"... I share your tendency to compare myself to others for all sorts of reasons"

I long ago realized that's a dead end... there is always someone smarter, stronger, better looking, better informed than me.I don't envy others, they are what they are, and best of luck to them.

But, at least for me, the problem is not to compare myself to others, but to compare myself to what I could be had I made better use of my gifts ( each of us is gifted differently... it's not that you are what you are..that can always change... but that your possibilities are different from others).

This POV probably doesn't help much, envy of what one could be is still envy, and one of the seven deadly sins.

They don't call them deadly for nothing.

 

[JackieOnLine]

After reading this, I'm more forgiving of the post-surgery gain that I have now. Logically, I know I'm not a failure. Emotionally, I have my doubts.

Thank you. You will never know how much I needed to see this today. It is funny because of my weight loss surgery I have 2 family members and 1friend who have all had surgery. All of them are within 10 to 20 lbs of their goal weights. That was never my story. I am happy for their success and grateful for my progress but wish I would have made it to my goal weight.

We humans are an enigma. I never wanted to say these things publicly. Your honesty is one of the reasons you are an important person in our community. Perhaps we can make a pact to be kinder to ourselves and keep forging ahead. And not to compare ourselves to others, whether we wish we could be as "successful" as others or take just a little satisfaction in other's "failures".

 

[k9ophile]

k9ophile I think your emotional reaction to seeing "fluffy" all these years later was totally normal. Of course we all cringe at ourselves when we are not our best selves. But you did very well not to approach her, you weren't a mean girl, and I believe that, at some point when you are able to reflect on this unexpected follow-up, you will feel compassion for her. She's probably sad and embarrassed about her regain after being so sure of herself, though she wouldn't want to show her sadness to the world. It's ok to feel that shadenfreude initially. You're a good person. You'll get past that and find your empathy.

That's what happened. I'm sure it was a gut reaction to her being dismissive to anyone who didn't have the RNY and the fact that I think support group leaders should actually be supportive or at least open minded. I actually do think it's been hard for her. She is a public figure and much in the public eye. There's a lot to be said for being a small fish in any size pond. We're pretty much ignored or not noticed. An ideal scenario for an introvert.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

What Larra said, about MsVee losing 200 pounds and being a success! (And feeling like a failure!). Yup.

I think we all hope to get to our IDEAL or PERFECT weight. But bariatric surgery doesn’t guarantee that result, nor does it…IMHO…even give us consistent goals.

For one thing, Bariatric Surgery is considered a failure if we don’t lose, and maintain the loss of, 50% of our excess weight. I’ve done that. You’ve done that. We are successes. (Of course, calculating excess weight requires subtracting your healthy weight from your current weight and the “healthy“ weight on charts is nuts!)

Those charts and calculators will make us crazy. According to those things, reaching my healthy weight goal would have placed me at about 25-30# LESS than I weighed at the end of Basic Training. And to me, I don’t think I was 25-30# overweight in this photo.


.



And here I am, two years later, even heavier because my baby was only three months old and I had massive nursing boobs. But the charts say I was obese. I can live with this level of obesity.



Anyway, you fit EVERY criteria for SUCCESSFUL bariatric surgery. If you have some secret desire to be a failure in life, choose a different area. Like maybe you are a failure as a concert harp player? Or Norwegian Literature professor!? Until you do, you’ll have to settle for being a success! Sorry.

 

[MsVee]

What Larra said, about MsVee losing 200 pounds and being a success! (And feeling like a failure!). Yup.

I think we all hope to get to our IDEAL or PERFECT weight. But bariatric surgery doesn’t guarantee that result, nor does it…IMHO…even give us consistent goals.

For one thing, Bariatric Surgery is considered a failure if we don’t lose, and maintain the loss of, 50% of our excess weight. I’ve done that. You’ve done that. We are successes. (Of course, calculating excess weight requires subtracting your healthy weight from your current weight and the “healthy“ weight on charts is nuts!)

Those charts and calculators will make us crazy. According to those things, reaching my healthy weight goal would have placed me at about 25-30# LESS than I weighed at the end of Basic Training. And to me, I don’t think I was 25-30# overweight in this photo.


.View attachment 2705



And here I am, two years later, even heavier because my baby was only three months old and I had massive nursing boobs. But the charts say I was obese. I can live with this level of obesity.

View attachment 2706

Anyway, you fit EVERY criteria for SUCCESSFUL bariatric surgery. If you have some secret desire to be a failure in life, choose a different area. Like maybe you are a failure as a concert harp player? Or Norwegian Literature professor!? Until you do, you’ll have to settle for being a success! Sorry.

This why you HAVE to stay healthy and keep posting. We need your wisdom and occasional snark. Thank you for being a voice of reason.