orthorexia nervosa

[bearmom]

I've only heard this term in the last few months, but had to laugh as I know so many that it applies to, and it's even affecting our social lives. We're unlikely to go to bbq's when we know gluten burgers will be pushed or hang out at the beach when we know there will be non-stop manly feats of strength likely.

There have always been a lot of unique snowflakes in our social circles, like to the point that almost every person we know has either something they restrict or push in their own diets, or extreme behavior like they are hiking up to the top of St Helens tomorrow, then running to the coast the next day, then power lifting mac trucks the next day, and so forth.

But what seems to be changing with people I know is that these are becoming the norm, and it's becoming OK to expect others to bend to these rules or join in the extreme activities.

As someone with a history of eating disorders and exercise anorexia, I'm always mentally checking myself as to whether my current "thing" is healthy and reasonable. It's much harder to determine whether something like avoiding nitrates and processed food is becoming an obsession or exercising, than something like barfing up your last meal.

So far I feel comfortable in my own boundaries, but have to admit I have some friends that may be murdered over "encouraging" me to follow their superior example. Especially if it has anything to do with my coffee. No one will come between me and my coffee. I may have to change it to fair trade, fair wage, forest sustaining, shade grown blah blah blah, but no one is guilting me out of my coffee.

 

[more2adore]

I've said some of this on my VSG vs. DS thread, so forgive me if you're reading something here for the second time, but it does go along with the conversation. I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder over 10 years ago. I was raised by my grandmother, who would make me diet until the pediatrician said something, and then let me eat steak and potatoes and cake with everyone else in the family until I was fatter than I started. My first diet was at age 2, and I remember turning 8 and being excited because that meant I could have 800 calories a day instead of the 700 calories a day I had when I was seven. On the diet I was on at that point, ketchup was a "free food." I used to eat ketchup out of the bottle because I was just so hungry. It wasn't long after that that I started sneaking food... packs of Oreos out of the food they'd brought home for themselves. Canisters of cocoa mix because it was the only chocolate in the house. Pieces of bread. Cans of tuna. Cucumbers. Anything and everything I could get my hands on and eat secretly. Apologies for the terrible analogy, but my therapist (who finally helped me stop the actual binging) said that I had the mindset "of a concentration camp survivor" when it came to food because of the cycles of near-starvation I'd endured.

When I got old enough take more control of what I ate, I did so... and gained approximately 200 pounds in about four years (age 12 to age 16). I plateaued at that weight (325) for years, fortunately, or I'd be even larger than I am today. It took years of getting back at my grandmother through eating whatever the hell I wanted (CONTROL) before I was finally able to stop the binging with the help of a therapist, but I was already so large at that point (~425) that my appetite, and my inability to stand for very long comfortably to cook for myself, was enough to keep me gaining. I fortunately no longer associate food with control as long as I am the one making the decisions about what goes in my body. If a doctor wants me to eat differently, there better be a specific reason (other than "you're too fat"), and I can adjust my diet without issue (eat more veggies is fine... eat more protein is fine... even eat less refined sugars or less processed food is fine). But if the average person tries to tell me I should NOT be eating something, well - heaven help them!

 

[hilary1617]

@more2adore, I am so sorry you have been subject to that level of deprivation and suffering. I can see how bingeing would be a natural response to those circumstances.

My cousin adopted a 3 year old girl (now 12 - time flies!) who had spent her entire life up to that point inside the walls of an orphanage in Pune, India. Food was limited (and all resources were scarce, really) and she was low in the pecking order. Her deprivation led to significantly stunted growth and poor health. She so was concerned about where/when she might next eat that to relieve her distress every morning my cousin would prepare a lunchbox of rice that her daughter could carry around all day. She had been starved for so long that it took almost a year before she stopped carrying that lunchbox.

Even though the circumstances were different, the feelings of deprivation must have been similar to what you felt at points in your childhood. Wishing you hugs and healing.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

This reminds me of at least one person on MFP who feels obliged to have her say whenever the subject of weight loss surgery comes up. Apparently those of us who resort to WLS are just weak and taking the easy way out. She lost a lot of weight with diet and exercise, and therefore everyone can. They are just too lazy, etc. etc. Don't know her well enough to know if she would fit the criteria, but she is certainly very impressed with herself and looks down on anyone who can't do it on their own.

HA. A dear friend of mine has just widely publicized her recent loss of 100 or so pounds on Facebook. I have known her for 20 years, and this is either the fourth or fifth time she has lost 100 or so pounds. I'm refraining gallantly from commenting, especially since her success is a cornerstone of her coaching and consulting business, and she does need to earn a living.

 

[bearmom]

Age 2. Wow. Many of us can relate to diets in childhood, but 2 is a baby, and what you endured is abuse. No effing wonder we grew up with issues.

 

[more2adore]

Thank you so much, hilary and bearmom. I really appreciate the kind comments. This is me at age two, btw. Sorry the pic is so big.

 

[hilary1617]

What a cutie!

 

[JackieOnLine]

what a beautiful child!

and who thinks, we need to make her diet?!

 

[more2adore]

My grandmother, apparently. She had an eating disorder of her own (obviously). Thanks, guys. It really helps to have people to talk to who understand.

 

[Terri]

Adorable then and now!

 

[more2adore]

Awwwww. Thanks guys. You're making me blush over here.

 

[JackieOnLine]

I guess we know cute when we see it.

 

[Sheanie]

Oh My Dear Sweet Baby Jesus. @more2adore , when my babies were two years old, they were STILL breastfeeding. Sorry. That's probably TMI, but to put it in perspective, they were eating every solid food known to man, and only nursing to fall asleep at night and maybe when they were hurt or sad. See my point? It wasn't so much milk, but soothing of a two year old. That's what babies need at the age of two. As much soothing as they need. When you're two, there are no "wants", only "needs".

I'm having huge heartache over your treatment by your "grandmother". There just is NO excuse for putting a baby on a diet.

I hope you never let her treatment keep you from having babies of your own. It's people like you who SHOULD have babies, and LOTS of them.

 

[more2adore]

That is so sweet. Thank you so much for the empathy and understanding. I do want babies - a little worried it'll never happen since I'm already 35, it'll probably be a year until I have this surgery, and then I'll have to wait 18 months after to start trying. 38 won't be good. But I really have no other choice.

 

[bearmom]

OMGOSH it is almost heartbreaking to look at that adorable picture and realize someone with their own mental issues subjected their issues onto that perfect little one.

As far as wanting to have babies still, I assume you know you may very likely become quite fertile after surgery. I was 43 when I had my DS, and was ready and waiting for menopause. So ready. Everything went into overdrive, and there are plenty of surprise post op pregnancies on the different DS groups, even with women who have been told they'd never have children. For me, I'd had issues with .PCOS, which all resolved, which is common, especially after DS. If I were you, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.