Issues with people when you tell them about getting surgery?

[Melanie0574]

So today I asked my boss,whom is also my step-dad if I could get this Saturday off for my appt. with a local surgeon to start things going to get my insurance to cover a DS. He got really quiet,and then would'nt give me an answer. He was quiet with me for most of the day,which made me wonder if he had an issue with me getting the surgery. He later made the comment "So what are you going to do when you get all slim,and trim?" I honestly don't see why he would have a problem with this,it has nothing to do with him.

Has anyone else had any issues with people,or family when you told them you were having the surgery?

 

[Larra]

You are not obligated to tell anyone, including your boss and/or family members, anything about your medical care. It is amazing how everyone has an opinion about how you should live your life and deal with your weight in general and bariatric surgery in particular, whether they know anything about it or not. In fact, the less they know, the stronger the opinions, and some people are not shy about expressing these ignorant opinions and making judgments about you.
It is only their business if you choose to allow it to be their business. Either tell just a few select people (and even they may disappoint you) or be prepared to tell people to butt out. You are getting medically necessary care. You don't need to defend your decision, and you don't need to explain yourself to anyone.
Next time, don't ask for time off, inform your boss you are taking time off for medical care. This isn't a vacation, it isn't frivolous, it isn't cosmetic, it's about your health and your mortality.

 

[k9ophile]

I don't recall anyone saying much. I also don't remember caring about anyone's opinion. Larra says it all.

 

[harrietvane]

My mum was very supportive, and she has also had the band (which mine was a revision from). But my dad is one of those 'eat less, exercise more' people who has never struggled with his weight. He didn't know I had the band, so as far as he knows the surgery I just had was the band. My mum came over to look after my cat (and me when I first got back from Canada) and, while the DS is not a surgery she'd have, she understands and trusts me to make good decisions.

Work people, if they have thoughts, have been smart enough to keep them to themselves, but mostly it's been positive and 'You gotta do what you gotta do.' For me, finding two weeks to take off was hard, so having the support of one of the other owners (who is overseas and not involved in the day-to-day) to say 'put yourself first, go get this done' was really an important thing for me or else I'd have kept putting it off until it was 'convenient'.

 

[Clematis]

I told no one but my husband... and I wouldn't have told him if there was a way around it. It was no one's business but my own. I also didn't want people scrutinizing my body to see if WLS was working, or offering opinions.

 

[Melanie0574]

I have only told a few family members,the first being my Mom. She had the DS 10yrs ago,and so it has been nice to be able to talk to her about what it was like when she had her surgery. The few others that I have mentioned it to have been very supportive,so when I experienced this with my step-dad,I was really surprised,almost shocked. I don't really care what people think about it,because it's not about them,I am doing this for me,and my well being. @Larra thank you for your response.

 

[DSRIGGS]

You are not obligated to tell anyone, including your boss and/or family members, anything about your medical care. It is amazing how everyone has an opinion about how you should live your life and deal with your weight in general and bariatric surgery in particular, whether they know anything about it or not. In fact, the less they know, the stronger the opinions, and some people are not shy about expressing these ignorant opinions and making judgments about you.
It is only their business if you choose to allow it to be their business. Either tell just a few select people (and even they may disappoint you) or be prepared to tell people to butt out. You are getting medically necessary care. You don't need to defend your decision, and you don't need to explain yourself to anyone.
Next time, don't ask for time off, inform your boss you are taking time off for medical care. This isn't a vacation, it isn't frivolous, it isn't cosmetic, it's about your health and your mortality.

Preach it sister!

 

[DSRIGGS]

I have only told a few family members,the first being my Mom. She had the DS 10yrs ago,and so it has been nice to be able to talk to her about what it was like when she had her surgery. The few others that I have mentioned it to have been very supportive,so when I experienced this with my step-dad,I was really surprised,almost shocked. I don't really care what people think about it,because it's not about them,I am doing this for me,and my well being. @Larra thank you for your response.

Good deal Melanie. We are all different but it is OUR decision and nobody else's.

I am too honest and probably share too much and as a professional I felt obligated to tell my boss because I knew I would be out 3-5 weeks on medical and I was running a very major program that has global impact so it was necessary to was necessary for me to train somebody to pick up and cover for me. At that company when you were out on medical you could have no work contact at all. You could be fired so it was crucial for me to be upfront with my boss and that is just how I am anyway.

I didn't have to share detail but I did. Reaction was overwhelmingly supportive buy had it not been I would have told any Assbag to bite me and piss off. : D

 

[-Flo-]

My boss had the RNY. She has been soo supportive and encouraging. Thankfully my family is also very supportive.

 

[Marquis Mark]

I think the public is evolving and becoming less judgmental about WLS. The most important thing is for me to be OK with it. If it seems like I'm trying to make an excuse, I see peoples' faces become more uncomfortable. They take their cues from me.

Personally, I need to be authentic and I tell anyone who asks how I lost the weight. Matter-of-factly, without apologies.

I teach adults and one time I took a survey: I asked how many people wanted to lose some weight. About 40% of the hands went up. I then asked if I gave them $10,000 to lose the weight if they'd be able to. They all raised their hands. Then I said I'd give each $50,000 to keep it off for life if they could do it. All the hands went down.

Moral? Virtually nobody can alter their body weight permanently. If you have an extra 20 pounds it's not so urgent and you're not judged so harshly, but if you have 100+ you are. But nobody with 20 pounds can judge someone with 100+ because they can't lose it, either.

Oprah's a billionaire and can hire an army of personal chefs, trainers and even someone to slap the food out of her hand. She's obviously bright and focused. But she's spent her life living the delusion that one more diet will do it. She can keep taking right hooks from Mike Tyson if she wants. Me? I tapped out. I admitted defeat. Surrender can be a beautiful thing.

 

[k9ophile]

@Marquis Mark

 

[Munchkin]

Love Mark's answer!

 

[Larra]

@Marquis Mark where do I apply for that job as Oprah's food hand slapper?

 

[Melanie0574]

Thank you all for your responses. I finally got a call today to let me know that my step-dad is okay with me to take this Saturday off for my appt. I actually just switched days with my other co-worker,so all is set. I will update after my appt on the 9th.

 

[Larra]

@Melanie0574 I'm very glad you are moving forward with your consult. Just remember that you have every right to take care of yourself. I'm sure you, like most of us, have put other people's needs ahead of your own many times. Now you are at a point in your life when you will, at times, need to put yourself first, even if others don't approve/don't understand/whatever. You are just as worthy of appropriate medical care and a good quality of life as anyone else.
And if you must consider others, remember also that you will be better able to do your job/take care of relatives/help co-workers etc if you are healthy and have a good level of energy and a happy frame of mind.