How Do You Tell Your Story?

[MegMac86]

This past week I measured a client for a custom wedding dress. Her BMI (I would guess) was well north of 45. I could tell she was extremely uncomfortable in her skin and I saw in her eyes the same anguish, frustration and pain I felt before I had my Gastric Sleeve. I so wanted to share my story with her. Having both battled anorexia and obesity, I firmly believe there is so much more to weight loss than calories consumed and burned. But there is so much emphasis in our culture on self-control and the concept that obesity is the result of a weak will. There's a lot of misinformation out there and even more shame.

So I wanted to ask, what do you do in situations like this where sharing your journey could help someone but you don't know them well?

Here's a link to my story, btw: http://www.virtuousprom.com/my-journey-with-bariatric-surgery/

 

[newanatomy]

I firmly believe that unasked for advice is criticism. If someone asks, I will be honest about my journey but, I would never criticize someone else for being fat. In my opinion, that is how it always comes off, no matter your intentions. Well meaning people trash other people's feelings all the time. Really it's none of our business. That is why we have this site. We can give our advice and opinions when asked.

 

[southernlady]

I don't unless I am already talking to the person and MY weight comes up. Then I might say that I had surgery but not as a comment about theirs.

 

[MegMac86]

It just breaks my heart that there's so much of a stigma around procedures when realistically and statistically it's the only hope for a healthy life.

 

[Whit]

I agree 100% with Newanatomy. While I understand and appreciate your compassion unless you are asked in someone else's life is none of your business.

 

[MegMac86]

I totally understand where you're coming from. Thanks for the feedback.

 

[JackieOnLine]

I would be we have all felt like that - hey! look at this great option! but you can't, not bringing it up first.
I kind of want a VSG T shirt, though, so people will know they can ask.

 

[Larra]

It's very difficult to bring up the subject with a total or near stranger unless they give you an opening, like saying something about how they are working to lose weight before the wedding, or better yet, have tried hard to lose weight and are now considering surgery. Year heart is in the right place, but as you know it's an extremely sensitive topic and you risk hurting already tender feelings if you start in without that opening.

 

[k9ophile]

She knows she's fat just as I knew I was fat. I was OK with it for a while By "OK" I mean I accepted it and quit starting yet another guaranteed-no-fail diet. Then the problems started adding up (i.e.co-morbidities). I was offended when doctors suggested WLS. If anyone else had suggested WLS, I probably would still be in prison for assault. (Joking, sort of.) Many fat people accept it, even if they may not like it.

I can still see the face and hear the voice of the clerk who told me about the latest diet book when all I asked her was where the women's section was in the department store. That was 25 if not 30 years ago, and it still irritates me. I may have forgiven her ignorance, but I, obviously, never forgot how it made me feel.

 

[k9ophile]

It just breaks my heart that there's so much of a stigma around procedures when realistically and statistically it's the only hope for a healthy life.

I get that, I truly do. I felt the same way about the stigma of mental health problems, mine included. It would break my heart when I heard someone say that anyone who took anti-depressants was weak or lazy. It just about devastated me when a pastor said that anyone who took anti-depressants wasn't a "good Christian". Would he say that about a diabetic who took insulin? I was destroyed for about five minutes and never went back to that church. I somewhat regret not making an effort to educate him, but sometimes I can tell when I can't fix stupid and it's healthier just to walk away.

 

[JackieOnLine]

wow, that's horrible K9

 

[galaxygrrl]

You know, I have read this thread a number of times and felt the same angst that everyone else felt. But, I think I would say something.

I think I would say, you are beautiful, and you will be beautiful on your wedding day.

I struggled with my weight my whole life and found something that works after struggling. I'm happy to share my story if you ever want to hear it.

Just another perspective. Clearly, I'm in the minority, I just wish someone had told me about the DS or the VGS. I knew about the RNY and the lapband and there is NFW, I would have ever done either one of those.