Ettie-Quettie Query

[southernlady]

Well the fact is, we may jointly have to make decisions for our parents in the future, so I think it's important that we are on good terms. For example, if it becomes necessary that S move to an assisted living place, and S wants Dad to come with, or vice versa, I don't want to have to deal with her kids' resistance to paying for Dad to stay with her.
I think it's better for Dad if I smile and nod and deal with them, and work harder than I should have to, in order to have a workable relationship with at least D.

Yeah, I completely understand...Thankfully in our case, my stepmother's kids are not involved in what goes on BUT I still have to deal with her...which is like walking on eggshells. She is a lot like S is to you, Diana...altho she and my daddy ARE married...

She keeps tabs too of everything. And is very much based on appearances not being a REAL person.

 

[DianaCox]

"Friendly-esque" - I love it!

S is actually worse in a way - she no longer has much of a filter. She is always offering her helpful opinions about everything. No matter how many times she has been ignored, she says it again and again. There is not ONE doctor any of us go to that she doesn't know the BEST one for that - and she offers to get you an appointment with them, because clearly she (1) knows the best; (2) you don't; and (3) she has INFLUENCE on such things - with EVERY important and superior doctor in the area. She knows the BEST restaurants (and OMG we've has some crappy meals because of that!). Going to a restaurant with her is - um - an experience as it is - she's the sort who sends her food back, and who - when asked if everything is OK with their meal, answers in the negative with every possible critique.

She is what is known as a feinschmecker - although that is a German word that means "gourmet," in Yiddish it has a negative connotation of being snobbish and picky, and not only being the kind of person for whom only the best will do, but feeling no compunction about telling everyone that whatever it is that is offered is not good enough for them - even in situations where it isn't important enough to be rude about it. We went out to eat the other day, and we were sitting at the bar waiting for our table, and she ordered a Bloody Mary with tomato juice, and refused to drink the drink that came with Blood Mary mix in it, and told the bartender he made it wrong. Just take a couple of sip and leave it, yannow?

But my Dad is mostly happy with her, and loves her, and that's what matters. Or at least that's what I tell myself - and my husband, who has a low threshold for bullshit.