Take my ball and go home?

[Spiky Bugger]

So, as far as senior residences go, this place isn’t bad. (Also, it’s far from great.) We decided to move, within the building, to a unit that is just a tiny bit smaller but has two bathrooms. (Think adjoining hotel rooms.) It was recently rented to a woman who hated it here and left in less than a month. The base price of that unit was $1000/month less than the base price of the unit we’re in. In both units, we add in the cost for me (the second person) and a 6% increase for this year. So the unit we wantED to move into should still cost $1000 less, right? Hang on.

AND…the cost for MrSue was reduced by $700 and the cost for me was reduced by $850, because we provide our own meals.

HOWEVER…I was just informed that while they will honor MY reduction, MrSue doesn’t get a reduction. That means the $1000 difference we SHOULD see is suddenly only about $220. Not okay.

But we own a house! Seriously considering adding an ADU (Accessory Dwelling Unit), turning the garage-plus-storage-room-converted-to-an-office into a tiny Granny Flat type apartment-plus-garage.

LOGICALLY it’s the thing to do. It sounds like the cost to build that would be about the same as what we’d pay in rent here in two years or so. And, assuming we keep breathing and all, the megabucks we pay in rent here could go into savings. MiniSue wouldn’t be running around seeing to our needs. (Especially challenging if ONE of us needs one level of care and the other needs something else.) We’d be there in case Little Miss Mini-MrMiniSue, who is pushing 14, decides to have “a few friends” over for a swim after school. (Grumpy old folks watching EVERYTHING.) Our house is actually closer to the closest Fire Station, so paramedics are closer. It would be LOTS cheaper, even if we needed to hire helpers. In theory, having a second unit is a valuable thing to do. And if we keel over the day after construction is completed, then MiniSue can use it as a SheShed or rent it out to some other old people or banish a teen to THAT apartment.

EMOTIONALLY, I secretly suspect that the day she moved out of our house as she finished college, she made a solemn vow to herself to “never again live with that cranky old woman.” (That would be me.) We’d literally be in her back yard, which might be too close for comfort. And skinny dipping would be verboten.

So…
-Accept the new unit even though it is overpriced by $800?
-Find a new facility, but there will be nothing w/an extra 1/2 bath and most don’t allow cooking in the room?
-Stay put but add a “porta potty” in the middle of the living room?


Start building the ADU?

What do you think?

 

[Susan in Tennessee]

It sounds ideal, although most ideal things ultimately have a few things ending up not as ideal as first thought. Have you run this idea by miniSue yet? If so, could you gage her true gut reaction? Shock or horror being quickly hidden, or true agreement and excitement? You’re probably really bored with no big home improvement project to oversee! . I look forward to seeing how this goes. I really want whatever is best for you and yours!

 

[southernlady]

I’d go for the ADU and annoy the teenager. Teens are really fun to annoy.

 

[hilary1617]

Based on what has been presented, and being surrounded by teens and on a quest to move my mom into a senior living facility, my vote would be for the stay put option.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Based on what has been presented, and being surrounded by teens and on a quest to move my mom into a senior living facility, my vote would be for the stay put option.

Hmmm…stay put with two residents, one with IBS, and only one toilet? Or stay put in the building and eat the $800/mo overcharge? Lovely options, eh? Lol

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I’d go for the ADU and annoy the teenager. Teens are really fun to annoy.

This could be why I admire you so much.

 

[JackieOnLine]

honestly, only you know what you should do and maybe there isn't a "right" answer. Do what you want to*! Looking forward to hearing what you do!







*keeping in mind why you decided to move into where you are - maybe review those reasons

 

[Spiky Bugger]

It sounds ideal, although most ideal things ultimately have a few things ending up not as ideal as first thought. Have you run this idea by miniSue yet? If so, could you gage her true gut reaction? Shock or horror being quickly hidden, or true agreement and excitement? You’re probably really bored with no big home improvement project to oversee! . I look forward to seeing how this goes. I really want whatever is best for you and yours!

She was more “questioning” than “opining,” although she was certainly not enthusiastic.

But she doesn’t deal well with things she’d rather avoid. Her boyfriend/partner does. He asks intelligent questions and makes suggestions. So we bring both of them along to atty appointments, etc.

My deal is that I know too much about how dementia progresses. And her “daddy” is her first hero. And unless you are around him A LOT, you can’t see the changes/challenges. “Mr. I‘ll Wait In The Corner Where There Are No People” is suddenly center stage, regaling strangers with stories of his past…except…he tells stories from MY past, substituting his invented participation for my actual participation. So I’m SURE she’s not considering that I may need physical help while helping him with a shower or toileting…or that we may soon decide that he should not be driving…or that if he has general anesthesia for something like hip surgery, he could be one of those elderly with dementia who react VERY POORLY to those meds. And that, IMHO, until he NEEDS to be in a “memory care” facility, having him close to her will make her life easier…even if I’m there, too!

 

[Spiky Bugger]

honestly, only you know what you should do and maybe there isn't a "right" answer. Do what you want to*! Looking forward to hearing what you do!







*keeping in mind why you decided to move into where you are - maybe review those reasons

Good suggestion.

 

[Larra]

Knowing you, I'm surprised you haven't made a big stink about the failure to provide the second reduction, i.e. the overcharge. Or, maybe you did make a big stink and it didn't work. Because the 2 bathroom unit sounded like a dandy option to me.
Dementia sucks. I think it will be hard for miniSue to deal with whether you live in the backyard or not. So do whatever is going to be easiest for you, because ultimately you will be the one with most of the burden. That is, unless you depart this mortal coil before Mr. Sue, but at that point you are off the hook on further decision making.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Knowing you, I'm surprised you haven't made a big stink about the failure to provide the second reduction, i.e. the overcharge. Or, maybe you did make a big stink and it didn't work. Because the 2 bathroom unit sounded like a dandy option to me.
Dementia sucks. I think it will be hard for miniSue to deal with whether you live in the backyard or not. So do whatever is going to be easiest for you, because ultimately you will be the one with most of the burden. That is, unless you depart this mortal coil before Mr. Sue, but at that point you are off the hook on further decision making.

Yeah…I’m surprised that if I “go away mad,” I just MIGHT post a review (or 20 ) on social media, a review that COULD cost them well over $800/mo in lost incoming business. BUT…they are not used to residents who are on social media…so let’s give them time to figure it all out.

 

[JackieOnLine]

they are not used to residents who are on social media

they need to learn!!!

 

[southernlady]

they need to learn!!!

And quickly or it’s gonna bite them in the butt.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

And quickly or it’s gonna bite them in the butt.

LOL…but, let’s say we move to a regular, but smaller and more level than the home we own, rented house or condo. But then if one of us strokes-out or needs Memory Care, this facility where we live is really close to our kid. So I may not burn ALL my bridges right away.

However, one of my major character flaws is that I often…usually…hold a grudge. And I’m a Schadenfreuder. I know…it’s often a sign of low self-esteem. I still enjoy seeing that someone who behaved so dismissively and considered herself so superior is living in her trash-filled house, on the property all the neighbors hate because of the trash, had to “go reverse mortgage” to make ends meet and will need a ladder to look down on a worm.

 

[JackieOnLine]

So I may not burn ALL my bridges right away.

don't burn any of them, and I know you won't because that is the smart, practical thing to do.

but by all means tell us about your grudge and if it's fun to wish ill on folks - well, it's not the best thing....maybe just wish for JUSTICE. that's a better slant, I hope.

given population changes, we really need and WILL HAVE a revolution in eldercare, so might as well be a part of it.