Hi, I'm Nuts!

[DuodenalSwitchaRoo]

I'm just opening this thread as I'm bipolar, not on meds, and self regulated...and I've seen some crazy shit lately with mental health....so I want to have this place to express concerns. TBH, I hope I don't need it and it just dies a slow posty death. I feel like I have my head on so straight. Not super over the moon manic excited, but excited and hopeful for the future. I vow never ever to even hint and offing myself. I learned a long time ago that suicide is a very permanent answer to temporary issues.

But I do have issues with sleep. Up for days at a time. Sleep for long periods. Rinse & repeat. I don't have the malabsorbing meds to contend with so that awesome, but I know the quick loss releases loads of estrogen which can make the most down to earth sane peeps a bit mental.

I almost don't feel bipolar much anymore. I don't work so not serious stress. I am doing a degree course whilst off work so when I re-enter the work force I can do better for myself and my family. (I will also be the first with a degree in my family!!!) I'm in a stable relationship with the most normal smart dude I have ever met...and his family is sooooo.....normal. I've never seen anything like it that wasn't on tv. It's a bit weird, but stabilising. I have lived in the UK over 7 years now and it is the longest I have stayed in one place ever. Owning a home kinda puts an end to the fight or flight.

So yeah, this thread is only here so if I go completely off the rails...I have a place to put it

 

[JackieOnLine]

wow, big "like"

um..I'm going to talk about me , here.

I have bipolar II which (right at the moment, anyway) is so not as bad as bipolar I that I feel bad even mentioning it - but! right about the same time I was diagnosed with it, so was a nurse I used to work with.

I had no health insurance and (just like with my WLS, now that I think of it) I was mostly what you call self-regulated. I had some hit or miss help and one episode where a nurse practitioner tried me on meds she was convinced would be a good idea despite the fact that I kept feeling worse.

her answer for this was either more meds for the side effects or telling me to just wait as I hadn't adjusted to them yet. getting off all that shit was the best thing I ever did for myself.

meanwhile the nurse had health insurance and did things the "right" way: got regular help with a psychiatrist and a whole team. she took on more "challenge" (stress, BS) where we both worked and she ended up trying very hard to kill herself and almost succeeding. she was in ICU, staying in patient for weeks and then none of that was covered by our health insurance. our employer forced her out of her job and I don't know what happened to all those huge medical bills as I have lost touch with her after relocating. jebus!

the point I want to make here is that while I HATE the "blame the victim" thing that can happen where people who have cancer are told they brought it on by not thinking positively enough or something (see this book) I also think you can (sometimes) decide that, long term, you are going to be someone who deals with whatever it is and then become that person. you can expect to be functional, I mean.

as you have done! (finally back to you!)

GOOD for you!!!

 

[DuodenalSwitchaRoo]

Well....I've had some pretty terrible reactions to meds When I was first diagnosed it was because a psych put me on Welbutrin. Holy psychotic episode batman! Yeah not fun. 6 Days with seriously crazy people....had to demand sleeping meds as my roommate giggled loudly all night. So yeah, the mental ward diagnosed me as bipolar II depressive with psychosis. Good times. Then I was put on all sorts. Wellbutrin + Topamax + Geodon. omg. I slept all the damn time...and when I was awake I was a zombie. So after 4 or 5 months of being a good patient I quit my meds...and I do it all wrong, when I quit things it is always cold turkey.

Fast forward to moving to the UK and having issues with my husbands ex...she basically made me feel mental for not being on meds and was worried about me being around her son. Soooo trying to make nice, I went back on meds. One of the worst mistakes of my life. Seriously. They put me on Rispiridone first. Yeah. That's a great way to gain over 100lbs in 3 years. My weight was stable (super fat, but stable) for 10 years and then boom. I started on .5mg and every time I went to the shrink even more depressed that I was gaining weight, they upped my risperidone!!!!!!!! In the end, I was on 3mg every day. Then I started getting an unsightly rash on my fash that was diagnosed as rosacea but was very itchy and bumpy. No one had answers. So for the first time in my life I was proactive and assertive. I did research and found that the "rosacea" was probably from the risperidone and that it is also a known weight gainer. Typical weight gain was 2kg...in a normal person....so take that percentage and put it to a fat person and you have problems.

My new GP, when I told her I quit my bipolar meds, said she can't understand why that med was the first port of call for someone with a lifetime history of obesity. When I quit my meds, cold turkey again (I DO NOT ADVISE ANYONE ELSE DO THIS....TAKE YOUR MEDS PEOPLE!!!!) I told my GP, with my husband by my side, who has seen a few meltdowns in his time, and we agreed that we would reassess if my situation changed. So far. So good. I took my last "bipolar med" Feb 3, 2012. I have had to go on sertraline (Zoloft) a couple of times when I can't pull myself out of the black pit of hopelessness, but I've been off of it now (again) for a month. And even in the dead of dark wet British winter, things look up.

So yeah. That's my story. I've shown signs of bipolar 2 depressive since I was 11. My dad has it, and my little sister has it. I seem to be the most stable of the 3, but again, that's because I am in a more stable situation and don't have too much hanging over my head.

whew. Sorry that was so long, lol.

 

[DuodenalSwitchaRoo]

Also, I have some weird personality issues lol. Not diagnosable, and I have learned to live with it....and it's not the same as being moody lol. I change a lot. Relgions, music tastes, dressing tastes, the way I see the world in general, my abilities change. So I have a touch of multiplicity about me, but none of the bad things that can happen to people with this issue. I dont have "alters" that want to kill people or steal things....I just have an interesting system. It makes keeping friends a bit interesting as at times I can be really crass and other times sweet as pie. I'm never manipulative or dishonest....just sometimes I'm a tad tooooo honest lol but oh well. I've learned to live with it and just roll with it. It's a bit weird though when you read intelligent sounding essays you dont recall writing...but if there is a genius hiding in me, I really don't mind lol

 

[JackieOnLine]

barely had a chance to skim these posts but DAMN you are inspiring! more later.

 

[DuodenalSwitchaRoo]

barely had a chance to skim these posts but DAMN you are inspiring! more later.

haha thanks People say that, but I don't know why! lol. I'm just me, I roll with the punches, learn from my mistakes (sometimes ) and accept things as they are. Some people don't get me or plain don't like me, and that ok The earth has 8 billion peeps, theres bound to be quite a few I rub the wrong way.

 

[southernlady]

haha thanks People say that, but I don't know why! lol. I'm just me, I roll with the punches, learn from my mistakes (sometimes ) and accept things as they are. Some people don't get me or plain don't like me, and that ok The earth has 8 billion peeps, theres bound to be quite a few I rub the wrong way.

Isn't that true of every single ONE of us????

You've had a rough road...thank goodness you have your husband.

 

[DuodenalSwitchaRoo]

Indeed! He is a saint. I cannot for the life of me figure out HOW I snagged him. Even still, some days I wake up and my life seems so surreal...but in a really good way.