Don't loose anymore weight?

[MsJacquiiC]

Well thank you. I turned 40 Thursday. My daughter is 21 and my son is 18.

Is that your daughter? She's gorgeous!

Thank you for your complements. My entire family is obese both sides. I have a huge family my mom had 11 siblings and dad had 9. The siblings had tons children. So everyone is obese there may be 5 or 6 people who are not.

Same here - kinda. I've only 2 younger brothers. My Grandmama, however, had 12 kids and we all seem to have inherited the *fat genes* lol.

Makes perfect sense, they probably feel like you're not going to be "one of them" anymore, and that makes people feel uneasy. It's not really right or wrong, I feel like it's part of human nature.

Yeah - exactly what I was trying to say. There may be some unintentional feelings/jealousy going on. And it IS only part of human nature that we might react in ... perhaps not the best way. Sometimes when we see one of our own doing things to improve themselves - we might feel as if they are leaving us behind. So it may be that some of your friends/family feel the same way? IDK - but it is a possibility. I've had it happen to me before anyway. And to that - I've said, "I'm gonna keep doing me, because it's the only thing I know to do."

J.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Is that your daughter? She's gorgeous!


Same here - kinda. I've only 2 younger brothers. My Grandmama, however, had 12 kids and we all seem to have inherited the *fat genes* lol.


Yeah - exactly what I was trying to say. There may be some unintentional feelings/jealousy going on. And it IS only part of human nature that we might react in ... perhaps not the best way. Sometimes when we see one of our own doing things to improve themselves - we might feel as if they are leaving us behind. So it may be that some of your friends/family feel the same way? IDK - but it is a possibility. I've had it happen to me before anyway. And to that - I've said, "I'm gonna keep doing me, because it's the only thing I know to do."

J.

I've had it happen as well, namely with one friend who I was super close with part of what we bonded over was unhealthy eating habits. When we would hangout, there was always a pig out session, we were like co-bingers. Granted, that wasn't the only part of our relationship, but it was a big part, and he couldn't handle it everytime I'd try to change my behaviors. He was THE ULTIMATE food pusher, and me, Miss No-Willpower, caved everytime. I still consider him to be one of my dearest friends, but I can't hangout with him all the time like I used to, it's too dangerous for me. The thing is, I never would think he was *trying* to sabotage me, I don't think it was ever a conscious decision on his part, it was just him being afraid of being left behind and being extra self conscious about partaking in bad behaviors if I wasn't joining in the festivities.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

^^^ Yes this! When we change the interpersonal dynamics--especially among women--by changing our appearance, it often goes transgenerationally weird.

Then when you add in the changes in eating at gatherings, it gets even more interesting...

 

[Charris]

Is that your daughter? She's gorgeous!


Same here - kinda. I've only 2 younger brothers. My Grandmama, however, had 12 kids and we all seem to have inherited the *fat genes* lol.


Yeah - exactly what I was trying to say. There may be some unintentional feelings/jealousy going on. And it IS only part of human nature that we might react in ... perhaps not the best way. Sometimes when we see one of our own doing things to improve themselves - we might feel as if they are leaving us behind. So it may be that some of your friends/family feel the same way? IDK - but it is a possibility. I've had it happen to me before anyway. And to that - I've said, "I'm gonna keep doing me, because it's the only thing I know to do."

J.

Yup that's my daughter and toot. Toot cause he smells like a DS er. Lol

 

[MsJacquiiC]

I've had it happen as well, namely with one friend who I was super close with part of what we bonded over was unhealthy eating habits. When we would hangout, there was always a pig out session, we were like co-bingers. Granted, that wasn't the only part of our relationship, but it was a big part, and he couldn't handle it everytime I'd try to change my behaviors. He was THE ULTIMATE food pusher, and me, Miss No-Willpower, caved everytime. I still consider him to be one of my dearest friends, but I can't hangout with him all the time like I used to, it's too dangerous for me. The thing is, I never would think he was *trying* to sabotage me, I don't think it was ever a conscious decision on his part, it was just him being afraid of being left behind and being extra self conscious about partaking in bad behaviors if I wasn't joining in the festivities.

Oh yeah. I would never think sabotage as the motive behind such actions. Not intentional sabotage anyway.
I think you said it best: we were like co-bingers.

I've a friend and our entire friendship was based around food. The "Fatty Flirters" we used to call ourselves. We enabled each other. She'd mention pizza or Applebee's and I would come out of my wallet with $40 - co-signing immediately.

After my surgery though - we couldn't do all of that. I felt like I had to always assure her that we're bestfriends for life. Hell - I've known her since elementary school and such. But we did have a conversation in which she said she felt as if I was leaving her behind in my "new life" --- This certainly wasn't the truth - but she felt as if it were.

^^^ Yes this! When we change the interpersonal dynamics--especially among women--by changing our appearance, it often goes transgenerationally weird.

Then when you add in the changes in eating at gatherings, it gets even more interesting...

I've even had some people (in jest I like to hope) ask me if I think I'm too good now that I think I'm skinny. My first reaction is that I've never been skinny LOL But you know what? Sometimes even though such comments may be shrouded in humor - I think that sometimes there are substantial emotions underneath it all.

J.

 

[MsJacquiiC]

Yup that's my daughter and toot. Toot cause he smells like a DS er. Lol

Well hey ==> At least he's super adorable

J.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

I've even had some people (in jest I like to hope) ask me if I think I'm too good now that I think I'm skinny. My first reaction is that I've never been skinny LOL But you know what? Sometimes even though such comments may be shrouded in humor - I think that sometimes there are substantial emotions underneath it all.

J.

I haven't heard that particular "jibe" that I recall, but my memory is a bit of a joke at times....

One thing I noticed as I got healthier and more normal looking was that people felt threatened by me when they never had before. Some of it might have been that I became more assertive, unwilling to tolerate being shat on, but by no means all of it was about that. I believe this dynamic was a contributing factor in the drama that got me shunned from my former church. At the time, I was oblivious to that factor.

 

[MsJacquiiC]

I haven't heard that particular "jibe" that I recall, but my memory is a bit of a joke at times....

One thing I noticed as I got healthier and more normal looking was that people felt threatened by me when they never had before. Some of it might have been that I became more assertive, unwilling to tolerate being shat on, but by no means all of it was about that. I believe this dynamic was a contributing factor in the drama that got me shunned from my former church. At the time, I was oblivious to that factor.

Well - I know for me personally - as a super morbidly obese person - I wasn't as assertive. In fact - It was difficult to even look people in the eye. You just feel so ... less than human, while everyone around you who are of a "regular" weight tend to feel much more comfortable in their skins. So yeah. Folks do consider WLSers as going through a metamorphosis of sorts - from the cocoon to butterfly as it were. I don't know why they'd feel intimidated by the metamorphosis - but it's my truth that some friends and family do. Or used to... Because as you settle closer to your goal and everyone becomes familiar with the "new" you - those intimidations seem to lessen.

I don't know what you went through with your former church family - but I can say this = If they can't appreciate the fact that you've had WLS as a means of bettering yourself FOR yourself so that you can be around for your family and friends... Then they don't deserve you. And you're better off without them!

J.

 

[brooklyngirl]

It's really a crazy thing. I'm finding this conversation so interesting, especially because I like to analyze people, but also as a look at the ways in which people view and treat obese people as though "fat" were their personality.

 

[MsJacquiiC]

It's really a crazy thing. I'm finding this conversation so interesting, especially because I like to analyze people, but also as a look at the ways in which people view and treat obese people as though "fat" were their personality.

Interesting comment. Because - in so many ways - I did actually consider "fat" as my personality. It's what I was known for.
On my 1st year checkup at Dr. Boyce's office - we take pictures for the the side-by-side comparison. Here's mine:

I posted it on Facebook with the dates and such...
The first thing the office ladies noted about the pic and said was, "Hey! You're smiling in your post-op pic." --- It was really one of the first times I'd actually smiled in a picture for 10 years or so. I think we do tend to "find" ourselves and our personalities (if you will) after WLS. Like a blossoming of sorts. We had been so bogged down in the prison of our bodies, we tend to forget that we are not JUST the fat person. We are a lot of things and we sort of give ourselves permission to shine.

J.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Interesting comment. Because - in so many ways - I did actually consider "fat" as my personality. It's what I was known for.
On my 1st year checkup at Dr. Boyce's office - we take pictures for the the side-by-side comparison. Here's mine:

I posted it on Facebook with the dates and such...
The first thing the office ladies noted about the pic and said was, "Hey! You're smiling in your post-op pic." --- It was really one of the first times I'd actually smiled in a picture for 10 years or so. I think we do tend to "find" ourselves and our personalities (if you will) after WLS. Like a blossoming of sorts. We had been so bogged down in the prison of our bodies, we tend to forget that we are not JUST the fat person. We are a lot of things and we sort of give ourselves permission to shine.

J.

You are definitely right about the blossoming. I've heard the same thing from people recently, that I actually look happy in photos now. In my mind, I was always sassy, I guess it just became hidden under all the weight.

But, seriously? Look at you! You look fantastic, and yes, very HAPPY

 

[Terri]

I think with the weight we tend "shrink" into ourselves. We don't want to bring attention to ourselves. Kind of try to be invisible.

 

[newanatomy]

I have never liked attention put onto me especially, as a fat person! I am smaller now than I have been in quite a while but, I still have a long way to go with the weight. I think there will always be something to be embarrassed about. Now, I have loose hanging skin. I am pretty much of the mind that, if someone doesn't like what they see when they look at me, they can look elsewhere!

 

[newanatomy]

Interesting comment. Because - in so many ways - I did actually consider "fat" as my personality. It's what I was known for.
On my 1st year checkup at Dr. Boyce's office - we take pictures for the the side-by-side comparison. Here's mine:

I posted it on Facebook with the dates and such...
The first thing the office ladies noted about the pic and said was, "Hey! You're smiling in your post-op pic." --- It was really one of the first times I'd actually smiled in a picture for 10 years or so. I think we do tend to "find" ourselves and our personalities (if you will) after WLS. Like a blossoming of sorts. We had been so bogged down in the prison of our bodies, we tend to forget that we are not JUST the fat person. We are a lot of things and we sort of give ourselves permission to shine.

J.

You look great! Cute in both, really!

 

[hilary1617]

Interesting comment. Because - in so many ways - I did actually consider "fat" as my personality. It's what I was known for.
On my 1st year checkup at Dr. Boyce's office - we take pictures for the the side-by-side comparison. Here's mine:

I posted it on Facebook with the dates and such...
The first thing the office ladies noted about the pic and said was, "Hey! You're smiling in your post-op pic." --- It was really one of the first times I'd actually smiled in a picture for 10 years or so. I think we do tend to "find" ourselves and our personalities (if you will) after WLS. Like a blossoming of sorts. We had been so bogged down in the prison of our bodies, we tend to forget that we are not JUST the fat person. We are a lot of things and we sort of give ourselves permission to shine.

J.

Beautiful in both pictures. How cute are you? Your smile and earrings grew while the rest of you shrank! Shine on!