What do you do for comfort now?

[trace]

My husband asked me this question recently, and I initially poo-poo'd it, thinking about how different my life will be post-op, and why would food be an issue any more? (I know. Insert eye rolls here.)

Now that I'm wasting away on the liver shrinking diet, however, I'm suddenly thinking a lot more about this (and food in general)! When in the past I would be bored/angry/sad and grab a pint of ice cream, what will I do after the DS?

 

[southernlady]

My husband asked me this question recently, and I initially poo-poo'd it, thinking about how different my life will be post-op, and why would food be an issue any more? (I know. Insert eye rolls here.)

Now that I'm wasting away on the liver shrinking diet, however, I'm suddenly thinking a lot more about this (and food in general)! When in the past I would be bored/angry/sad and grab a pint of ice cream, what will I do after the DS?

Good questions. Are you in any kind of therapy? You may need help to have that addressed. Coping skills are a very important part of this. The surgery fixes your body but not the brain. Sounds like your hubby is a great support.

 

[k9ophile]

I second the above. I was in therapy before and after WLS. It wasn't just WLS I needed help with, yet it was definitely beneficial. My counselor's wife had WLS years back so he at least had the perspective of first hand witnessing the changes in body and psyche.

 

[Meep]

I realized that I rarely dealt with being sad or angry. Anger is interesting in that it is almost always another emotion manifesting as anger: pain, grief, depression, guilt, shame. It almost always tries to tell us something, our anger. That took a long time to deal with. I basically had to rebuild my entire life after being completely disabled at 750 pounds and divorced. It was not fun, and I (unfortunately) have no family at this time. However, what it taught me is that we must find our own meaning and satisfaction. Other people, and food, cannot give it to us. In my case, I was clinging to food instead of searching for meaning, desperately avoiding the actual work. Even with my recent health issues, I am happier than I have ever been in many ways.

I still have to work at this. It is an ongoing process. It is worthwhile though. I'd start by asking what makes you passionate. What drives you that is not centered on other people?

Sometimes, too, we just need something to do. I have things to occupy my hands with all the time. It helps relax me, and it keeps me from reaching for food. When I'm bored I try to learn something new that interests me. Having a counselor helped me unravel all of this and come up with something that worked specifically for me.

 

[Munchkin]

There is always something you can eat! Keep deli meat, HB eggs, jerky, always in the fridge. You can make up chicken or tuna salad in advance.

Get rid of most of the crap foods. And the hard truth is most everyone is better off without the junk, your family and kids included. You can't eat what isn't there. And if you want it enough to go out and get it, so be it. Just buy the single serve package.

Long term deprivation doesn't work. I love the practice of a cheat weekend once a month. Then there is nothing you can't have forever. You just have to put it off until THAT weekend. It taught me control!

 

[galaxygrrl]

I'm far from an expert in this area. But don't overthink this, you wont want the food the same away. If you have some issues to deal with then deal with them with some help. If you just liked to eat, then, you liked to eat. You will just need to find other things to do.

But Trace, from the super limited view I have from your posts, you are overthinking a bit. I get it, I do too, but the goal is to be healthy and happy, so, how do you get there. Good luck.

And
@Munchkin is right. There is always something yummy to eat. But you wont want to eat much, or at least that is my experince so far.

 

[trace]

Thanks, everybody. I think seeking a therapist is a great idea. And, yes, my husband is supportive beyond words can describe. I'm very lucky in that regard!

 

[DSRIGGS]

I mean this with all due respect because I love you ladies and you know that, but good God some days I am glad I was born a dude.

I never in a million years would have ever thought of that question. I am not saying that it is a bad thing to ask that question, it isn't, just saying most guys just don't think that way.

To munchkins point, you can eat after the DS and I one night i ate a about half a carton of ice cream. Not out of feeling bad, it just really tasted good. It didn't bother my gut at all either.

 

[galaxygrrl]

I mean this with all due respect because I love you ladies and you know that, but good God some days I am glad I was born a dude.

I never in a million years would have ever thought of that question. I am not saying that it is a bad thing to ask that question, it isn't, just saying most guys just don't think that way.

To munchkins point, you can eat after the DS and I one night i ate a about half a carton of ice cream. Not out of feeling bad, it just really tasted good. It didn't bother my gut at all either.

It's hard not to overthink some of this stuff. It's just so scary before you have this surgery and it's not afterwards. Trace, you will be fine, you will get into a new groove you have a husband who loves you and kids who will be so happy they have a mom with lots more engery.

Here is my tip of the day. At my DS group last week, the Psychologist said, everyone thinks they will be the one who the DS does not work for, but it works. I was like wow, I thought that. And I still think that since, I'm in the middle of my journey, but you know, get the surgery, it will work. That is what the stats say.

I actually feel really lucky some days I got a virgin DS. When I read about the people who have dealing with the RNY to DS or people who had a bad lap band, I'm like thank goodness, I was like one and done. But, even people working through those struggles get to a good place if they have a good doc and you do.

Breathe! You will be on the skinny side soon.

 

[southernlady]

To munchkins point, you can eat after the DS and I one night i ate a about half a carton of ice cream. Not out of feeling bad, it just really tasted good. It didn't bother my gut at all either.

I could eat the ice cream....but *I* would have paid for it later. You are lucky, Scott, in this you are lucky (or unlucky depending on how one looks at it). While you can eat it, my reaction to it tends to keep me away from it about 99% of the time.

 

[southernlady]

It's hard not to overthink some of this stuff. It's just so scary before you have this surgery and it's not afterwards.

^^^^^ THIS

We ALL think at some point VERY early on that we will fail at this. After all, we have "failed" at losing weight so far, why should this be different? But it IS. This fixes your metabolism like NO method of dieting EVER WILL.

 

[KathrynK]

Activities when i am feeling stressed: 1. Shopping (pay off the credit cards now because you will be doing a lot of clothes shopping! So much fun!) 2. Walking. Since my knees don't hurt and I don't get overheated, it's relaxing to walk through the neighborhood to find distractions. 3. Cooking. As others have said, you can eat well with DS and I can be found in the kitchen making Indian curries or Thai beef salad or Puerto Rican pernil or chicken Parmesan or veal piccata. I made chocolate chip cookies this weekend and gave almost all of them to other people (note the word 'almost'). I had the DS because I knew I wanted to eat without guilt.

 

[Marquis Mark]

I was worried about this, too because I eat over what's eating me. But, in general, I haven't found it to be as big of a problem as I feared. Not even close. If you'll pardon the comparison, the DS is like intestinal bulimia - you can eat but you're not fully responsible for it. So you won't be paying a price for a lot of the emotional tranquilizing that comes from food. Of course, you may develop food sensitivities that weren't there before, but, in that case, I don't think you'll feel so deprived. You'll just feel disincentivized because you don't want a bad reaction.

 

[trace]

These are such helpful responses. Yes, I DO feel like I'm going to fail at the DS! You guys nailed it. I have this looming fear that I am going to go through all of this and be in the exact same place next year. Faith and trust are really difficult concepts for me.

And thanks for letting me be so vulnerable here.

 

[Susan in Tennessee]

I felt the same way! I thought, that knowing my weight loss history, I would be THE one for whom the DS did not work. It was that fear that kept me from sharing what I was going to do with anyone except less than ten people. I also had many fears and random thoughts that you're having. I am glad to report that after you have the surgery, most of these fears and thoughts do not darken your mind again. It's hard to explain, but things are SO different afterward. I want food and still think of things that I want to eat or make soon, but it's not with the same obsession as before and when I do sit down to eat the food, it usually isn't as wonderful as I remembered it being and a very small amount of it is all I want. The first few months are very strange and I'm glad to have those months behind me as now in month four (still not far out) I am feeling so good and my taste buds are getting to be back to normal and I can eat more now than at first (but still not a lot). You're going to be so pleased with everything.