My Ds is a little less than 5 weeks away. I'm having the second part done as I already have the sleeve. I have been there done that with weight loss surgery. This is serious shit I am doing to my body. I want to be healthy. I want to weigh under 200 pounds and KEEP IT OFF.
I was excited when I got the sleeve. I thought that was "it". I was even confident in sharing it with some family members. And what did I get...failure. So, I keep thinking some of the same things I was thinking almost 6 years ago. I was going to do this. It was going to work. I was excited.
Now, I want to get excited. I am more open about sharing with safe people, and I find myself wanting to share more...this was an area of shame for me, so this is actually a sign of my healing, I am a private person and would never tell the world, but if the person is safe, I'm good. I have a potential strong support system within my church and small group but I'm hesitant to share somewhat.Because of the what ifs....
Is this going to work? Is this "it"? Am I going to tell people and fail again. More importantly, am I never going to get under 200 pounds. Screw what anyone else thinks (but shame is a symptom I still deal with). I want this. But my body so far has not cooperated.
I know this is malabsorption. I know I have never had it. I know it's radical. I know my surgeon, better yet I know people who's had my surgeon perform their procedure. I know he is awesome. I know to follow the rules. I'm prepared to do whatever.
There's just this tiny seed of doubt....what if???????
I can't help it.
