the pancreatitis flare up that started at the end of Feb had seemed almost gone but Friday night came back with terrible abdominal pain, worse than she's had before. I immediately gave her some pain meds and then took her to the ER vet when that didn't help. they gave more meds and we went home with me expecting her to be exhausted and therefore sleep but instead she couldn't get comfortable. so it was a bad night and Saturday morning I made the decision. at the ER vet she was down to 6.2 pounds. 
so this weekend it's pretty raw, where everywhere I look I am reminded of her and I keep thinking I hear the jingle her tags made when she shook herself. what a big hole is my life and my day.
it's too soon to decide anything but I sure have a ton of dog stuff to keep, give away, throw away or whatever. tons. and, since I have been needing to move (or even relocate) - that will be much easier without a dog.
I expected to be sad but last night, as it got dark, I was actually nervous to be alone in the house. irrational (because she wasn't even hearing well enough to be a good alarm dog) but visceral, like I lost my tribe and now am not safe at night. what a big presence she was.
I will always wonder how much healthier she would have been if I had made her home-made food. not even raw, necessarily, just not commercial dog food. and she was on science diet for a few years for her urinary problems which later I found could be dealt with by just a cranberry supplement. but with 3 dogs I just felt home made was "too much trouble".
and even now, I eat way too much processed/frozen food instead of cooking real food.
I miss her so bad!
so this weekend it's pretty raw, where everywhere I look I am reminded of her and I keep thinking I hear the jingle her tags made when she shook herself. what a big hole is my life and my day.
it's too soon to decide anything but I sure have a ton of dog stuff to keep, give away, throw away or whatever. tons. and, since I have been needing to move (or even relocate) - that will be much easier without a dog.
I expected to be sad but last night, as it got dark, I was actually nervous to be alone in the house. irrational (because she wasn't even hearing well enough to be a good alarm dog) but visceral, like I lost my tribe and now am not safe at night. what a big presence she was.
I will always wonder how much healthier she would have been if I had made her home-made food. not even raw, necessarily, just not commercial dog food. and she was on science diet for a few years for her urinary problems which later I found could be dealt with by just a cranberry supplement. but with 3 dogs I just felt home made was "too much trouble".
and even now, I eat way too much processed/frozen food instead of cooking real food.
I miss her so bad!
