Need to rant and can't do it elsewhere

[southernlady]

Well done! Direct, stuck to your guns, nothing emotional.

Thanks...I wrote, re-wrote, had my dh read it and then edited again. Also sat on it for a few hours before hitting the send button but once I did, I knew I had done the right thing for my emotional health.

Honestly I didn't sleep well last night and for the first time since my daddy died, I shed tears cause I missed him so badly.

 

[Terri]

Liz, sending hugs to you.

 

[JackieOnLine]

big hugs from me, too. I'm glad you did it; you don't need that stress

 

[hilary1617]

That *let it rest* rule is a critical factor in good writing that we too often forget, especially when emotions are high. It read as calm and rational. So sorry this is happening while your loss still weighs so heavily upon your heart. Know that you are in my thoughts. I'm glad you are sticking up for yourself. You are setting a wonderful example for your family and all of us.

 

[DianaCox]

Let it go - you took care of him in life, let others do the rest.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Okay, C has gone completely off the deep end. So I emailed R, D, and my stepmom to warn them that tomorrow I am emailing the group and withdrawing the offer to be PR. That means M will have to step up and actually do it. And my dh and I will require that all boxes stored will be moved at the estate expense. And he will have to sell daddy's car to satisfy the loan.

Big weight off my shoulders. It was stressing me out big time.

People are so weird...the way we react to loss. When our mom died, I just HAD TO do everything right now...give stuff away, pay bills , give my sister her money. She wanted me to slow down...to wait. But I guess I felt that my sister didn't understand that SHE could mourn and then get on with her life, but I still had stuff to do before I could collapse.

A couple of weeks after Mom died, my DH and I got on Amtrak and went ALL OVER the country. Because we could, I guess. L.A. To New Orleans, to Charlotte and Raleigh and New York and Chicago and Indianapolis and southern Indiana and central Wisconsin...and then home. But if I hadn't finished my work, I wouldn't have felt free to go. (People are weird.). So I'm glad you got to collapse.

 

[southernlady]

Let it go - you took care of him in life, let others do the rest.

Diana, I have one more task to do for my daddy. My stepmom asked me to handle his memorial service. I am still doing that.

I spent yesterday figuring out how to get his DD214 without actual service dates. I had everything else, just not the actual dates. I have a general idea cause I have his Ft. Benning yearbook (they use to do those for each class of OCS grads). And the book covers the July 1952 to Jan 1953. He was at Ft. Riley, KS when I was born. And I remember that he got out around 1955-56.

Since he has died, next of kin can request that information. I am trying to get a VA headstone for him but to do that, I have to have his DD214.

Sue, I think our upcoming trip is a similar reaction...it's hopefully going to be a trip where I can leave all these issues behind.

 

[newanatomy]

I am glad for you that that has been put back in the court of the trouble makers. I hope you get the peace you deserve.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Diana, I have one more task to do for my daddy. My stepmom asked me to handle his memorial service. I am still doing that.

I spent yesterday figuring out how to get his DD214 without actual service dates. I had everything else, just not the actual dates. I have a general idea cause I have his Ft. Benning yearbook (they use to do those for each class of OCS grads). And the book covers the July 1952 to Jan 1953. He was at Ft. Riley, KS when I was born. And I remember that he got out around 1955-56.

Since he has died, next of kin can request that information. I am trying to get a VA headstone for him but to do that, I have to have his DD214.

Sue, I think our upcoming trip is a similar reaction...it's hopefully going to be a trip where I can leave all these issues behind.

You are a good researcher, I know...but it looks like the SF-180 is asking for your best guess, not requiring perfection. And there is a phone number and they do rush orders.

"Emergency" Requests and Deadlines
If your request is urgent (e.g. upcoming surgery, funeral, etc.) and there is a deadline associated with your request, please provide this information in the "Comments" section of eVetrecs or in the"Purpose" section of the SF-180 and fax it to our Customer Service Team at (314) 801-0764.

Our goal is to complete all urgent requests within two working days. Please contact our customer service staff at (314) 801-0800 if you have questions or require same day service. Due to the large number of calls we receive at this number, hold times are often long. However, once you reach a technician they will be happy to assist you with emergency service.

http://www.archives.gov/veterans/military-service-records/#required.

 

[southernlady]

You are a good researcher, I know...but it looks like the SF-180 is asking for your best guess, not requiring perfection. And there is a phone number and they do rush orders.

"Emergency" Requests and Deadlines
If your request is urgent (e.g. upcoming surgery, funeral, etc.) and there is a deadline associated with your request, please provide this information in the "Comments" section of eVetrecs or in the"Purpose" section of the SF-180 and fax it to our Customer Service Team at (314) 801-0764.

Our goal is to complete all urgent requests within two working days. Please contact our customer service staff at (314) 801-0800 if you have questions or require same day service. Due to the large number of calls we receive at this number, hold times are often long. However, once you reach a technician they will be happy to assist you with emergency service.

http://www.archives.gov/veterans/military-service-records/#required.

Thanks, Sue...I debated that part. Since we are having a memorial service at Pretty Place not where his headstone/ashes are going to be, I don't think we need to hurry that part. My stepmom currently has his ashes and when we get the headstone installed, then we will add his ashes to the family plot. That will be just a handful of us and no formal memorial service...just us reflecting on his life, his love of family and our love of him.

 

[Sheanie]

Just read all this. People revert to being children when they are fighting over deceased parents belongings. I did what you did, backed away. I already knew I'd be accused of being (insert insults here), so I refused when the parental units were alive to be: Named on their financial things, Power of anything, Executor, Person in Charge or care taker of their dog. I remembered very well the heartache my own mother went through with her siblings when their father died. My own father said to her at the time: "The ONLY people who have a right to be involved are the siblings. Not their spouses. Period." Because the spouses were getting their noses in the dealings, needlessly complicating things.

What I did when my parents passed was to tell the Executor: "I back you 100% in any decisions you make, period." With 5 children, that gave her two votes toward her decision. One sibling was also of the same mind. The other two were the problem, eternally so. By doing what I did, it made their votes worthless, and things moved along quickly.

I think you did the absolute best thing you could have. You just "kicked some grass over that **** and walked away."