Need to rant and can't do it elsewhere

[southernlady]

Okay, all of you know my daddy passed away 6 weeks ago. His will had both of my lawyer BIL's as the 1st and 2nd Personal Representative.

#1 (M) is married to youngest (C) #4 in line (my youngest half sister). They live in the county closest to us but it IS across the state line to where daddy resided.

#2 (R) is married to older half sister (D) (#3 in line) and they live in FL.

M decided that he wanted ME to be the PR. I met him at the Courthouse here in this county around the first part of June. He signed off nominating me in his place that day. R sent his in within the week. So I went back to the courthouse, and the Clerk of Probate said that since daddy's will made no mention of them being able to appoint someone else, that all beneficiaries had to sign off. Okay, no problem OR SO WE THOUGHT.

Now because I am not YET appointed, I have done absolutely NO inventory of his estate...just collecting the bills as they come in, baby sitting his car so the battery doesn't die, and using MY house as a storage facility.

On the 20th of June, left a message for M asking if he had given the forms to his wife and sister #2 who is not speaking to me at all.

Today, I take over the forms my stepmom sent back in and asked if the others had come in. Well, sister #2 had but the others had not. The clerk told me since they were married to the original PR's listed, we could go ahead and get me appointed.

So I email both of them letting them know what was said. C finally comes up for air...she does NOT answer her telephone and will not respond to texts unless she decides it's in her interest. I got a LONG diatribe about her husband is NOT her POA and I should have been telling her what all is in the estate cause that is what a "good PR" would do. I reminded her I was NOT the PR yet. And if she had a problem, I would be glad to let her husband take it back (M). She was ranting and almost to the point of non-coherence.

So I called R in FL, who was swamped but still gave me a chance to talk and told him what his SIL - C was doing. I told him I was just gonna email M and tell him that since his wife was objecting, I would withdraw my offer and let him HAVE IT! BIL in FL told me to wait til he could print off the texts I forwarded to him and let his wife, D try to talk to C out of her stupidity.

In the meantime, if C still objects, M will
#1) have to be the PR even tho he doesn't want the job
#2) Come and get all the stuff we are currently storing so it can be inventoried as I will NOT inventory it if I am not the PR
#3) Come and get daddy's vehicle and deal with selling it to satisfy the loan outstanding on the car.

C thinks daddy had far more of value than he does. The furniture we moved over was 90% owned by my stepmom and she gave it to us so she would not have to move it. NONE of the books, silver, furniture is specifically mentioned in his will and as such falls to his wife as part of THEIR household. She does not have to give ANY of it up to any of us.

C had already drained a life insurance policy of almost a half million that daddy let go into default back 2 years ago. And life insurance policies are NOT part of an estate unless the estate is the beneficiary. He had two until 2 years ago, my dh and I were the beneficiaries of the one remaining.

FAMILY goes totally nuts after a death...

 

[newanatomy]

It is mostly emotionally driven rather than by greed I think but, yes families usually go a little crazy after a death. Sometimes, I think it is due to guilt, should have, could have, would have. Hang in there!

 

[brooklyngirl]

Sorry you have to deal with this, Liz. It really is unfortunate that these kinds of things happen so often, people really do go nutty over financial/material things when someone passes away. I really do hope, like NA said, that it's just driven by emotions as people deal with grief differently.

 

[southernlady]

New update...apparently R tried to talk sense into his sil, C, and she went off on him too.

M emailed me telling me to include C...that what he signed was not suppose to be binding on her. I emailed back:
It was not meant to be binding on her BUT it was also just a courtesy that it be done. The only signatures that were legally required was yours, M, and R's as the ones designated by the will.

NC law did NOT require anyone but the appointed PR's in a will to sign off on designating someone else. It was a COURTESY ONLY, not a legal requirement.

 

[JackieOnLine]

geez, what is wrong with people. rant on, Liz, I hope you feel better!

 

[Spiky Bugger]

My sister and I are SOOOO lucky, in that even if we had been inclined to act up after Mom's death, we each have husband who would have killed us for that kind of behavior.

We used to say that Mom had better die with an even number in her bank account, as otherwise we would sit there with that last penny saying, "You take it." "No, YOU take it!"

As it turns out, AT&T still owes my mother, who died a year and a half ago, about $85...I gave my sister her half of that money and AT&T still has not paid me. So I feel virtuous. Except my sister doesn't know that she got the last penny!

I am sorry that you are going through this...my mom had to have this battle with her brother and we knew we didn't want to go there. But...at least you learn who your relatives REALLY are.

 

[Terri]

My mother died suddenly so my father then made sure he all his affairs in order. There were 5 of us, I am the baby. He appointed me power of attorney and personal representative upon his death. I begged him not to. I told him my brothers and sisters like me now. He wanted me to do it so I did. He also had me on his bank account and able to withdraw from his IRA account. He told me several times to take that money as soon as he got sick or died. He said I did not have to share it with them, LOL. I did not do that. He got sick and a lot of that money went for these expenses. I did have some of the siblings wanting an advance on their inheritance as soon he got ill. It did not take me long to see why he wanted me to take on these tasks.

 

[hilary1617]

Talk about a thankless position! Sorry you are going through this.

 

[southernlady]

But...at least you learn who your relatives REALLY are.

AMEN to that!

 

[southernlady]

Okay, C has gone completely off the deep end. So I emailed R, D, and my stepmom to warn them that tomorrow I am emailing the group and withdrawing the offer to be PR. That means M will have to step up and actually do it. And my dh and I will require that all boxes stored will be moved at the estate expense. And he will have to sell daddy's car to satisfy the loan.

Big weight off my shoulders. It was stressing me out big time.

 

[Happy DSr]

Okay, C has gone completely off the deep end. So I emailed R, D, and my stepmom to warn them that tomorrow I am emailing the group and withdrawing the offer to be PR. That means M will have to step up and actually do it. And my dh and I will require that all boxes stored will be moved at the estate expense. And he will have to sell daddy's car to satisfy the loan.

Big weight off my shoulders. It was stressing me out big time.

good for you. Sometimes you just need to back away and let someone else shoulder the burden. You were an amazing daughter to your Dad while he was alive and you have nothing to prove now. Let someone else handle the crappy part and take time to enjoy your memories while they remain fresh, and grieve your loss.

 

[JackieOnLine]

good for you, Liz, it's not worth the stress for you. now, make it stick!

 

[southernlady]

good for you, Liz, it's not worth the stress for you. now, make it stick!

I am, I have a call in to the Probate Clerk asking her to call me today so I can "resign".

And I emailed all parties involved this morning:

Effective today I am no longer willing to be the PR for daddy's estate. I was not designated in the will as such and am no longer willing to put up with the hassle.

Therefore, the boxes of books, the boxes of crystal and silver, his Prius all need to be moved by the current PR or whoever does take that position at estate expense.
His mail will also need to be forwarded to the new PR by filling out the proper forms at the Post Office. I have a folder of information that will also need to be picked up.

Since NC Probate law REQUIRES an agent in this state, I will be willing to be the local agent for the PR.

As to the list of stuff mentioned by C: shaving cup, brush, razor, attaché case, belt, change purse , money clip, ties and clothing the painting of grandfather

Shaving cup, brush, razor, attache case, change purse: NONE of that was at Tryon Estates.
So obviously I do not have it.

Belts, ties, clothing were all given to charity as per stepmom's instruction when we had to vacate his TE apt within 30 days of his death.

His money clip is here for whoever wants it.

The painting of Pop...about 2 months before daddy died he told me I was to take the painting since I was one of the two of his daughters that even knew Pop since Pop died 50 years ago. Only stipulation was that I was to pass it down to Pop's side of the family upon my death.

As to the stuff at the farm. Cathy provided me a list last night:

Entry - 1 dresser, 1 large mirror
Dining room - 1 dining table, **1 silver chest, 1 china cabinet
Living room - 1 serpentine front chest, 1 hunt board, ** 1 commode table
Hallway - **1 Civil War sword, **2 small swords (framed together)
Addition- **2 framed arrowhead collections
Pool furniture- ** several (can’t remember exactly how many) lounge chairs

I will be at the farm from 23 July through 26 July. Smaller items, marked with asterisks, should be picked up then. Wyllys and I had agreed that the furniture would stay at the farm until it sells, however long that might be.
Of that list, daddy promised me the china cabinet since it was made for Mom and I had requested it decades ago. All he said was it was to remain with Cathy as long as she lived (or moved and gave it up)
I would also like the Civil War Sword, the other two small swords, and the arrowhead collections. But if someone else wants those items, so be it.
​

Liz

 

[southernlady]

The Probate clerk just called me back. My application is withdrawn.

 

[hilary1617]

Well done! Direct, stuck to your guns, nothing emotional.