Is it ME, MY KID or our GENERATIONS?? Aargh!

[kirmy]

Yeh I'm busy and distracted. I can be an uncommunicative arsehole.

Life gets in my way. Some days I just move too fast to keep up with all of the shit I SHOULD do. If I take the people I love for granted I feel bad for it but I also know they won't throw me out with the bath water for it.

She's being an arsehole. She doesn't mean it. Tell her.

First, remember that I am old. First wave of the Baby Boom. Born January 1947 at about the HIGHEST PEAK EVER of the US birthrate. MiniSue was born IN THE MID 1970s, at the point of the LOWEST US birthrate until the very late 1990s. We are from very different worlds and I have been out of the business world for fifteen years.


The issue...
last night, I again asked what I could get her BF's daughter for xmas. I finally got answers. We decided that for a Santa gift, MiniSue should use a credit card of ours that she keeps for emergencies to buy a LeapFrog thingy, but that we could get the little one, from us, the dumb little FurReal Friends puppy she told us (on the phone last night) that she wanted. I also had to give her (the four-year-old, not my daughter) the bad news, that you can't keep a REAL UNICORN at your house, because they lose their magic and their glitter and it would make them sad.

We said good-bye...I went online and found the dog. By ordering a stuffed animal unicorn and some stupid Frozen garbage, shipping was free. I didn't want daughter and BF out trying to find, and hide, a stuffed animal unicorn, with the kiddo in tow, so I texted her that we had ordered the unicorn as well as the dog. Then I repeated that info in an email, telling her that I'd get her the tracking info as soon as I got it.

No response.

This morning, daughter texted me asking for my sister's address. I sent it to her.

No response.

So...is my asking for an acknowledgement REALLY too demanding? I mean...if she asks for an address and
I respond, should she, by today's standards, "owe" me a "thx," or "ok," or a "got it?" I think she should respond, not just if she asks me for something, but also to let me know she got what I sent in general. Anything would do, so that I don't wonder if she got it.

Generally speaking, she IS polite. We taught her good manners...she has to use diplomacy a lot in her line of work (it often involves fund raising...can't be rude there.)

Do I not understand how 40-year-olds communicate, or is she just being inconsiderate because we'll always love her no matter what?

I don't understand.

 

[hilary1617]

@Sheanie and @Spiky Bugger -

To provide the details since it was so bizarre and disturbing I can't begin to provide the appropriate context without just saying it:

The café staff cut a 6 or 7 foot long piece from a massive roll of paper and taped it to a table. They wrote "Happy 8th Birthday Hannah" in foot-tall, "bubble"-style letters that can be colored. To keep guests occupied prior to beginning cooking activities, they handed them magic markers upon arrival and asked them to decorate the banner. There wasn't close supervision as we were busy greeting parents.

Once the girls were busy preparing their pizzas, one of the café staff went to take the banner and hang it on the wall. She brought it to me instead.

Most guests had drawn pictures of butterflies, flowers, kittens, hearts, signed their names, wrote "BFF", colored in the letters, etc. However, the banner also featured naked, anatomically correct stick drawings of a man with a bow on his head. One drawing featured his man parts where they should be and another showed them detached and bleeding. There was a also a drawing of gravestone labelled "RIP Bob", accompanied by "This is Bob. Bob is a naked man who wants to be a girl. Bob died from his transgendered lifestyle."

I was just stunned. This was clearly drawn for shock value and succeeded on that front. It disturbs me on so many levels - highly adult topic for 3rd grader, ruined my daughter's banner, worried me about views of adults influencing the child, etc.

I approached the girls I suspected (the only two we didn't really know as they are new to town) and they admitted doing it. I told them it was totally inappropriate and that I was going to talk with their mom about it. They offered an apology, but didn't seem actually contrite. It really came as no surprise that they then went on to demonstrate a lack of table manners.

After the party, once the mom laughingly dismissed my concern, I suggested counseling to avoid future situations where their acts could hurt others' feelings or even be interpreted as hate speech. I didn't see any "lights go on" as it were. Aaack!

 

[JackieOnLine]

these girls are in third grade?! OMG!

 

[star0210]

@Sheanie and @Spiky Bugger -

To provide the details since it was so bizarre and disturbing I can't begin to provide the appropriate context without just saying it:

The café staff cut a 6 or 7 foot long piece from a massive roll of paper and taped it to a table. They wrote "Happy 8th Birthday Hannah" in foot-tall, "bubble"-style letters that can be colored. To keep guests occupied prior to beginning cooking activities, they handed them magic markers upon arrival and asked them to decorate the banner. There wasn't close supervision as we were busy greeting parents.

Once the girls were busy preparing their pizzas, one of the café staff went to take the banner and hang it on the wall. She brought it to me instead.

Most guests had drawn pictures of butterflies, flowers, kittens, hearts, signed their names, wrote "BFF", colored in the letters, etc. However, the banner also featured naked, anatomically correct stick drawings of a man with a bow on his head. One drawing featured his man parts where they should be and another showed them detached and bleeding. There was a also a drawing of gravestone labelled "RIP Bob", accompanied by "This is Bob. Bob is a naked man who wants to be a girl. Bob died from his transgendered lifestyle."

I was just stunned. This was clearly drawn for shock value and succeeded on that front. It disturbs me on so many levels - highly adult topic for 3rd grader, ruined my daughter's banner, worried me about views of adults influencing the child, etc.

I approached the girls I suspected (the only two we didn't really know as they are new to town) and they admitted doing it. I told them it was totally inappropriate and that I was going to talk with their mom about it. They offered an apology, but didn't seem actually contrite. It really came as no surprise that they then went on to demonstrate a lack of table manners.

After the party, once the mom laughingly dismissed my concern, I suggested counseling to avoid future situations where their acts could hurt others' feelings or even be interpreted as hate speech. I didn't see any "lights go on" as it were. Aaack!

How the heck does an 8 yr old even know the word transgendered much less what it means??

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Yeh I'm busy and distracted. I can be an uncommunicative arsehole.

Life gets in my way. Some days I just move too fast to keep up with all of the shit I SHOULD do. If I take the people I love for granted I feel bad for it but I also know they won't throw me out with the bath water for it.

She's being an arsehole. She doesn't mean it. Tell her.

I know...I've texted you and I wonder if any of them got there. I guess I'll just have to call!

 

[hilary1617]

NO idea how the topic came into their minds - or why they chose to express it graphically on a birthday banner. I kept looking around for a hidden camera and film crew to come out and explain it was some bizarre tv prank... Hannah is the youngest in her class - most of her peers are turning 9 now, but that is a topic waaaay off her radar screen - and certainly she wouldn't be able to spell it properly, which was another surprise - the handwriting was very neat and the spelling was perfect - maybe the children involved (twins) are 10 and were held back? Even so, we're a very inclusive, open-minded family, and but that's just not a topic that seems age-appropriate. I'm not sure my 11 year old knows the word yet, let alone possesses knowledge of the surgical anatomic alteration possibility with which these girls are clearly familiar. Maybe their parents know someone going under the knife or it was on a tv show? And why did they link it to death? That's really disturbing. I would hope that Bob would have lived happily ever after. The whole thing was so bizarre!

 

[conceit]

There is a general decline in etiquette in my generation (late 20s here). More than just empty pleasantries, a lot of common courtesy is about basic respect. It seems like people get progressively ill-mannered, every generation lol. Social media, technology etc. aside, I think some of it has to do with people not having or not taking the time out to be actively engaged in their children's lives. With people having to work multiple jobs in an unstable economy, there's less time to devote to raising children attentively. While this makes things challenging, I don't consider it an "excuse" to let go, and just not take responsibility for teaching children respect. This might account for kids being rude, but there is no excuse for being an ungrateful prick as an adult. Once a person is grown up, then it's their own responsibility to treat people the way they'd want to be treated.

I don't think anyone is ever so busy that they don't have have the time to text a "thank you" or "i am busy, but i'll get back to you soon" and follow up even briefly. I have worked multiple jobs while attending school full time and had other obligations (sick parent), while still thanking people when it was due and having the courtesy to acknowledge people I cared for, so I call bullshit on the "busy" bit. It's about priorities. When you ignore someone or don't thank them when appropriate, it shows you don't value them or their efforts. Sometimes, people are just stupidly careless about these things while still caring for others. But, once its brought up to them, they should work to correct the negligence. If they are told these things directly and they still don't make any changes, then there's not much left to say.

 

[southernlady]

We are currently at my mother in law's. Both daughters/son in laws/grand sons are here. We got here Sun afternoon and dh texted both girls that we were here. About 10 mins later, one son in law called (daughter was dealing with her 2 1/2 year old) to find out plans. It was ALMOST noon yesterday before we heard from the other (same one that ASSUMED at Thanksgiving). Her excuse? She had her phone on "do not disturb". When they stopped by for 10 mins, I mentioned putting favorites as an exception to do not disturb. She hemmed and hawed, basically she didn't know how to do that. I told her mine was on DND every night BUT there were certain people who were allowed thru (family members mostly). I said, how would I get in touch if something happened to your dad. HER comment was, call twice...I THOUGHT, oh hell NO!

Dh and I did not raise this daughter this way....we lay the blame at her dh's feet....he wasn't taught common courtesy.

 

[kirmy]

I know...I've texted you and I wonder if any of them got there. I guess I'll just have to call!

Nope not one! Phone!!!!!

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Nope not one! Phone!!!!!

Will do!

 

[kirmy]

Will do!

Send me your number please so I may phone abuse when appropriate.

 

[revisionDS]

First you are not old. It is a combination of generational gap, culture, upbringing, etc. How do we communicate now? we went from face to face, to phone, to emails/texts etc-the generation with the poorest human interactions, easily misunderstood communications since we dont have the human connection anymore, that will tell you a lot about what has happended in the last few decades. I am like your daughter's age in the 40's. As the generations change our attention span has greatly shorteneted with the technology age. I think it is a combination of those things.
Merry Christmas

 

[brooklyngirl]

@hilary1617 - that's seriously disturbing to me, and I would make sure not to let my kids play with them in the future if I were you. I'd also write down their names. One, or both, of them will be in the news for something bad down the road.

And @Spiky Bugger I blame a combination of "busy" parents and technology. Everyone is too "busy" to do things properly these days. It bugs me, even though I'm guilty of it sometimes as well. As a teacher, I've seen it getting worse every year, especially (unfortunately) in the families where both parents work. Too often they get home late and who the hell wants to spend the only 2 hours they have with their kids arguing and teaching them how to behave. It's "easier" to just let things go. Too bad it's so much worse in the long run