I'm on a diet...and I never dreamed it would come to this.

[JackieOnLine]

wow, that's interesting, Bearmom.

on the whole all that activity is really good for you...hope you can do all that AND enjoy throwing on a couple of pets and holding down the couch for awhile while you read.


@Jo777 I went back and read this thread again and the FB posting lead me to the OH thread where your posts are AWESOME.

(with the aid of some very triggering posts from elsewhere, which now I've come to see as someone very, very disordered, that thinks crash dieting every few months and swings from one extreme to another is a good thing.. something that was dormant for me for many years woke up again) and at this point out, the restricting came with the opposite effect.. swings from one to another extreme again.

my best guess is there might be a 10% chance we are mistaking what she posts about as disordered eating when it is just her way of dealing with maintenance. so, a 90% chance she is, indeed, messed up. (funny how numbers make something look kind of good despite how clear I'm making it that I just pulled them out of my ass)

maybe there is nothing wrong with 600 calories a day - although it sure seems wrong to me - but as you so tactfully pointed out - it's a pattern and since it happens over and over again - how is that not obsessive?

and as I obsess in my own way, I just know that what you are doing sounds a lot more...normal and healthy.
this is what I want:

I needed/need to quit this, it was making me insane. A few months ago I stopped weighing everyday (and stopped posting in the daily wt threads/reading the encouraging posts to drop back to 600-800 cals a day for someone years po!) and stopped tracking my foods/cals etc. I now only track my behaviors. If I don't eat in a disordered way, I tend to maintain easily and my head feels so much better. My body seems to like my current weight (once a month, and only once a month I check.)

I resisted posting in the daily accountability thread for while because of it but now I am attempting to post there, but just more "generally" as opposed to specifics about calories or carbs...so, I have been trying what you describe above.

so, now I feel more hopeful. thank you!

 

[Jo777]

I really thinks she means well, and that she's only sharing her own path (which I can't necessarily disagree with SAVE for the fact that she, and those closest to her think she looks best with 5-7 lbs (5-7 LBS!.. now granted, my LOGICAL mind points out, on a person her size is a fairly sig. amount of extra weight..) My personal ethos says, do not interfere- the other side of my personal ethos rooted in my oft suppressed eating disordered behaviors says call her on her revisionist postings.. so conflicted as I am, I finally in my PMSy mind decided to pull the plug and open the convo.. which, frankly I think went well.. at least I felt better, which in all realistic points, was the ultimate goal.

I don't aim to change any one person's point of view, just add another to think about.. mull over and maybe keep in mind during the occasional crazies we all go through.. Hell, just this night me & Todd had the final, oft repeated convo of skin issues/weight loss issues, bdd issues that finally I've decided hell or high water, finances or not, within the next couple years I will get the full body (likely Sauceda for $$ and time issues) make-over. I've struggled with the skin the first time I lost the weight in my 20's (harder, as completely unexpected) and stated if it remained an issue this time, I would address it.. well it's a fucking issue.. I thought maybe with my age and maturity it wouldn't be, but fuck it- I hate my scrotum arms and if I'm going to get them nipped I might as well get the damn pannus too.

It's time I man up and deal with it. I am tired of sausage-casing myself into compression gear to feel comfortable in clothes, I want to feel the clothes I wear against my skin and not look like a lactating pit bull when I lean over.. sorry, but my period finally arrived tonight and my filter is off line. I am on a fucking roll.. I blame peri-meno, and I could care less if that's a convenient cop out or not.. I'm taking it.

 

[kirmy]

Haaaaaa I love the meandering paths my posts take! I've got hommicidal hikers, lactating pit bull scrotum arms and everything in between...priceless!

I've been low carbine for five days properly and have dropped over 6lbs. I'm fucking stunned about this. I don't want to drop any more right now because it makes me fucking nervous as to where I'm gonna end up. Tonight I'm going to bed early and ditching my T25 class. I've also upped my carbs today much to the disgust of my gut.

Slowly slowly catchee monkey.

 

[Jbandmmomma]

Thank you for this post also. Just starting out my transformation, but hearing honest stories from people who have BTDT is wonderfully helpful to me.

 

[southernlady]

@hilary1617 how do I print this out --- I want to give it to my PCP!

I moved it to it's own post...so we could sticky it.

 

[jjordan8130]

This post really touched me. I'm now three weeks post op and to be honest I've struggled with buyer's remorse. I have felt devastated over having to pay so much attention to what I'm eating (mainly counting protein and feeling inadequate bc I'm not getting it all in each day), and then I realized that if I was "dieting" or whatever you want to call it...on my own trying to lose weight, I'd be obsessing over EVERYTHING I ate and all the intense exercise I'd have to do in order to lose even a few pounds. I think my problem is I'm so used to eating out of control what I want, when I want. I have never ever told myself no. EVER. I'm battling with the desire to stuff my face and knowing I can't. When I do eat, I feel miserable even though I'm sticking to the portions I'm supposed to. It's like I just ate a HUGE meal. I feel like I'm always going to be a food addict. For me, so far, that's something that not even surgery can change. All of this along with a stall in loss over the last several days just has me discouraged. Sorry for the whining. Just needed to vent.

Thanks for such a great post....truly....it's nice to know we aren't alone....we have each other!

 

[huneypie]

You just have to be patient. You didn't gain the weight overnight stay you're not going to lose it overnight. So long as you're getting in 30g of protein a day at this point you're doing OK.

You should be on 60g protein by 60 days out, 90g by 90 days and 120g by 120 days.

 

[JackieOnLine]

I think buyer's remorse is totally normal after surgery - just part of the huge change/stress you have gone through. give yourself time, lots of time.

:wiggle:

you know what I think is a good idea? imagine how you want to be - besides smaller and healthier and having fun with clothes (of course!) but how you want to behave. I always wanted to enjoy food but forget about it in between getting hungry and eating some.

so pre-op and early out, I would imagine that. when folks on the internet would post "oh no, I am hungry again" I felt bad for them. hungry is GOOD! eating when you are hungry is more enjoyable than "getting in protein" when you are not. so I looked forward to and welcomed hunger.

and I did that for a long time: ate for hunger and didn't obsess about food and forget to give myself credit, I just would say it was my honeymoon!

I want to get back to it. :shades_smile:

 

[hilary1617]

@jjordan8130 , I'm sorry that you are experiencing buyer's remorse, but glad you are recovering well. I do think you will be happy with your DS decision in a couple of months once clothing gets loose and the NSV's arrive. Right now you are experiencing mainly the cost side of the equation, but the benefits will come soon and make the costs worth it!

We've all struggled in our relationships with food and can totally relate. Also, I can't think of a time where comfort is needed more than post-op and it is really difficult not to be able to turn to food for that comfort. Hang in there and look to the future!

 

[jjordan8130]

Thanks guys. It's nice to now what I'm feeling IS normal!!!!! I think as time goes on and I'm in a routine I'll feel SO much better. Physically I feel great, but this whole process is mental for me. I knew it would be hard for me mentally bc of my love for food, I just had no idea it would be this hard. I'm learning though and thinking about a year out from now how amazing I'm going to feel and how much I'm going to love my DS.