I got a DS at 21

[orangeglass]

One year ago next month, I got a DS at 21. I was 260lbs at the time of surgery and as of this morning I am 128lbs. I can't tolerate eating anything. Everything makes me so sick. I just don't eat at all to avoid having stomach aches and horrible diarrhea every 30 minutes. I have become soo insanely weak. I used to be so strong and capable. I can barely carry a grocery bag anymore (I do take vitamins). Food now repulses me unless it's a random craving but it physically hurts too much to eat anyway. I've had an eating disorder since I was a child that I hid from my doctor. My bulimia only became so much worst post op but it's become much better in the last few months because Im not even eating.

I've become so small like i've always dreamt about. I like the way I look now tho I don't recognize or register it most of the time. Everything is so different now. My obsession with being small pre op is still incomprehensible. I was addicted, obsessed, psychotic about it. and now I have it and it feels odd.

I miss liking food. i miss being able to eat. i loved food so so much and now i feel nauseous just thinking about it.

I feel like I was so young to have such a major surgery but I don't regret it for a moment. I don't regret having this operation for a second I am so so so glad I had it even if my side affects were a thousand times worst I still wouldn't regret it.

please any words, any thoughts, any remarks anything i feel so alone and weird and strange.

what can i eat? there's nothing that doesn't make me sick.

 

[southernlady]

Welcome orangeglass

 

[hilary1617]

Hi and welcome orangeglass! You should be able to tolerate well high protein, low carb meals. Many DS'ers become lactose intolerant, so lactose may be the challenge , as can artificial sweeteners made of sugar alcohols (sorbitol, erythritol, etc.). Read labels to avoid skim milk powder and if drinking protein shakes, look for a lactose-free variety. Congratulations on your appearance - hoping you will soon feel as great as you look. Please seek counseling for the bulimia if you haven't done so and check in with your surgeon. All the best!

 

[Larra]

Welcome!
I have 2 suggestions, and I hope you will be open to both of them and that I'm not being too intrusive. First, go back to your surgeon to see if they can suggest any kind of work-up to determine and fix whatever is causing these problems. Next, if you are not doing this already, see a therapist who specializes in treating eating disorders, which it sounds like you have dealt with for a long time. The relationship between your eating disorder and the huge changes created by the DS may be something a therapist can help you work through.
Wishing you all the best!

 

[DianaCox]

What Larra said. These may be the same problem, or two different ones, but both need to be addressed.

 

[JackieOnLine]

hello & welcome, orangeglass!

i loved food so so much and now i feel nauseous just thinking about it.

we can only tell you this isn't normal.

My bulimia only became so much worst post op but it's become much better in the last few months because Im not even eating.

not eating isn't normal or better.

Please seek counseling for the bulimia if you haven't done so and check in with your surgeon.

exactly!
we wish you all the best

 

[Justme222]

Are you taking a probiotic? Taking a daily probiotic was the missing piece for me. I had diarrhea issues until I discovered Align.

I am almost 2 years out since surgery and I still look at my clothes and think whose clothes are those? They are so small they will never for me, but they do and I feel more like myself now if that makes sense.

Unless I saw a picture of myself, I never saw myself as being as big as I was. Who I am now feels more like the person I already saw myself, now others see the same thing.

If you don't work through this and find things to eat that are high in protein you will continue to feel week. Try small things you can snack on. If you tolerate dairy cottage cheese is good, or a spoon of peanut butter. These are not meat, but do offer some protien.

Do you track your food that you do eat to make sure you are getting your protien in? I really hope you start to feel better.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

MOSTLY, what others have said.

I don’t think that your age was an issue, except…maybe…that your youth was the main factor in your deciding to hide your bulimia from your surgeon and to go for the surgery before getting the bulimia under control.

IF your surgeon (who may be righteously irritated that you hid such a serious problem from him) can confirm that there are no problems with the physiological part, it’s time for an ENTHUSIASTIC approach to dealing with the psych part. If your “relationship with food” isn’t addressed, you may be headed for VERY SERIOUS, LIFE-THREATENING health issues. (Which I know you know because you are here.)

If eating “physically hurts too much” to eat, it may be that you are trying to eat like a bulimic…too much, too fast for a normal size stomach…and trying to shove all that into a stomach that is 15% of the size it was. Many of us, without bulimia, have BIG problems deciding “how much” constitutes a “serving size” after DS. (I can tell you that from MY experience, 17 years post-DS surgery, that what others think is a serving size now equals a serving for 2-3 meals for me and everyone else looks to me like they are consuming HUGE portions of food.).

ANYWAY, to me, your biggest challenge at this point will be finding a mental health person who can grasp how you can eat post-DS. Normal dietary suggestions/approaches will need modification. Normal “healthy foods” are not always healthy for people who have had their guts rearranged. Normal “unhealthy foods” (such as things with”too much” fat) can be very healthy for the same people. I mean, where else but in a room full of DSers are you going to find people who put BUTTER in their coffee?

Plus, all the stuff hilary1617 said about WHICH foods. For me, if it says”sugar free,” it probably contains things that make me sick. And if I eat low-fat versions of food, I can count on constipation and pain.

Take care. Please get help dealing with these various challenges asap.

Sue