I am tired

[DSRIGGS]

Tired of feeling like garbage. Tired of getting my teeth kicked in by corporate America. Tired of watching absolute fools fall in a pile of shit and coming out covered in roses, then actually believing they deserve their good fortune because of their "hard work" when in reality they don't work hard all. I am tired of people being clueless about how fortunate they have been in life. I am tired of looking for a job and knowing I will never be able to retire even though I worked my ass off and have done all the things that should have me very well off in life.

I am tired of being tired. I am tired of being angry. I am tired of life in general. All I want is to be able to retire and live a reasonably comfortable life but it is so depressing that I know that this isn't possible.

Oh well. It could be worse and I know that, but I am tired of feeling guilty about that.

Fuck me..... That is all.

Good night

 

[DianaCox]

Don't go thinking about how it could be worse - just be glad it isn't (although I used to have a mantra during my worst days "at least the kids don't have leukemia ..").

This too shall pass ... like a giant jagged kidney stone.

 

[southernlady]

Scott, I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better...

 

[hilary1617]

Scott, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Hang in there.

 

[Bagaof4]

I am so sorry to hear you so disheartened, Scott. Wish I had some magic words. While I will be retiring in one year, things are not at all what were in my 'Master Plan.' Have to change my expectations to fit my new reality and while I was sad and bitter about that for quite awhile, I have come to terms with it as there is little I can do about it at this point. Looking for joy in every day.
Hoping the anger and depression passes soon.

 

[bearmom]

All the shit simultaneously can get to be too much. I wish there were something magic to fix it, because it sucks to feel like that. That's when I adopted my "beer is good" mantra, which I don't actually recommend.

It WILL pass. Just breath, and remember it does get better.

 

[Clematis]

You're feeling a loss of control. You have no control over your health, your sons' health and Caterpillar laying you off, phasing you out or whatever they are doing. You need to change your karma. Is there ONE thing you can focus on and control to a positive outcome, even if it's a little thing?

 

[DSRIGGS]

Thanks ladies.

Clematis, you are right about me not liking things being outside of my control. I am a bit of a control freak in that I am used to being in charge of my destiny and making things happen. I don't want to have start over again career wise and my even bigger fear is that I find a job that I do like but I am unable to do it because of my health. That being said I am trying to get the hernia taken care of asap and hopefully that fixes my guts distress and absorption issues that I believe is caused by the cycle of intermittent partial blockages and subsequent sibo. That would be so very helpful because otherwise I can't see myself being worth a damn at work because being so weak I can't focus and do what I need to do.

Nice psychoanalysis.

I also need to win the lottery because I want to play the rest of my life.

 

[Clematis]

Good. Focus on getting the hernia repaired so you'll have a "win". You'll feel better physically and mentally, and things will start to turn around.

So the next time you say

Fuck me..... That is all.

it will mean in the GOOD way.

 

[DSRIGGS]

Good. Focus on getting the hernia repaired so you'll have a "win". You'll feel better physically and mentally, and things will start to turn around.

So the next time you say it will mean in the GOOD way.

I am all for that!

 

[duh_Mom]

{{{{{{{ Hug }}}}}}}}

 

[kirmy]

Tired of feeling like garbage. Tired of getting my teeth kicked in by corporate America. Tired of watching absolute fools fall in a pile of shit and coming out covered in roses, then actually believing they deserve their good fortune because of their "hard work" when in reality they don't work hard all. I am tired of people being clueless about how fortunate they have been in life. I am tired of looking for a job and knowing I will never be able to retire even though I worked my ass off and have done all the things that should have me very well off in life.

I am tired of being tired. I am tired of being angry. I am tired of life in general. All I want is to be able to retire and live a reasonably comfortable life but it is so depressing that I know that this isn't possible.

Oh well. It could be worse and I know that, but I am tired of feeling guilty about that.

Fuck me..... That is all.

Good night

Oh sweetheart. I'm sorry you are hurting. I have nothing but my care to offer. May fortune smile upon you.

 

[DSRIGGS]

Oh sweetheart. I'm sorry you are hurting. I have nothing but my care to offer. May fortune smile upon you.

Thanks Sweetie. I was feeling very depressed and pretty helpless the night I made this post. I will be fine, as I always bounce back from whatever particular event is kicking my ass and I will this time as well. Hopefully after I get this stupid hernia repaired with this components separation surgery (Supposed to hurt like a mofo) that it will fix my screwed up guts and finally let me regain some strength so I don't feel like warmed over death all the time....but who the hell am I to complain with everything you are going through. I so wish I could hit the fast forward button and get you through your recovery and into pleasant times.

Take care and hang in there. I know you are coming out on top of things because you are too special not to do so.

 

[Charris]

@DSRIGGS I'm sorry that you feel like you're at the End of your rope. I understand. It seems like we just can't catch a break. It's always some type of bs Going on in our life. I get it. I'm tired of being sick also. However, like I told Kirmy be glad you Have another day to be tired. As long as you have one more day you are Winning. I know when you feel like you're feeling no one wants to hear the BS about how everything is going to be ok and how it could be worse. I have no magic words. Hopefully once you have this needed surgery you will get medical issues relief.

Due to this last incident I have decided I'm tired of fighting to make 2 more years for retirement. I'm applying for my medical retirement 2 years early and disability . I never have before because I felt guilty and I really wanted to make my 20. What's the use of fighting to retire at 20 years if your to darn sick to enjoy it. I'm going to try to enjoy whatever bit of time i have left no matter how short or long.

I hope you get get some type of relief sir!

 

[DSRIGGS]

@DSRIGGS I'm sorry that you feel like you're at the End of your rope. I understand. It seems like we just can't catch a break. It's always some type of bs Going on in our life. I get it. I'm tired of being sick also. However, like I told Kirmy be glad you Have another day to be tired. As long as you have one more day you are Winning. I know when you feel like you're feeling no one wants to hear the BS about how everything is going to be ok and how it could be worse. I have no magic words. Hopefully once you have this needed surgery you will get medical issues relief.

Due to this last incident I have decided I'm tired of fighting to make 2 more years for retirement. I'm applying for my medical retirement 2 years early and disability . I never have before because I felt guilty and I really wanted to make my 20. What's the use of fighting to retire at 20 years if your to darn sick to enjoy it. I'm going to try to enjoy whatever bit of time i have left no matter how short or long.

I hope you get get some type of relief sir!

Thanks Honey. I am happy that you made the decision to retire and enjoy life. You are going to heal from these broken bones and the other stuff is going to get better as well, so you are going to have a great time watching Toot grow and being there to spend all that Gramma time with him.

For me, well I am still holding out hope that I win a big lottery jackpot so I can by a house in the hills of Malibu and jet set around the world....then again, reality will set in and I will probably find another job and work for another 20 years.