Hello

Brandy Rediker

Well-Known Member
Hello, it's been over 4 yrs since I've joined this group. My surgery was on Nov. 4, 2014. I need to talk and get some things off my chest. For about 3 yrs I've been suffering with Manic depression and over the past year its spiral almost out of control. I am in 20 mg of Trintellix. Now on a daily basis I think about suicide. I've not tried to hurt myself because of the fear of what it would do to my children. They are what keeps my face above the water. But it doesnt stop me from thinking about it.

I have become so addicted to drinking sodas all day long, I'm like a alcoholic who cant go without their alcohol. I started smoking cigarettes 3 yrs ago to help me cope with my depression. I've gained 80 lbs of the 100 I lost.

I have absolutely no support from my husband. He doesnt care if I have my protein shakes, my vitamins or protein for the whole day. His thoughts are it cost to much to buy for 3 meals a day. He only wants to buy dinner and that's it. So I pretty much eat my proteins for dinner. He has changed so much over the last 4 yrs. He was all for my surgery and we use to struggle with getting my vitamins but he would work extra hours so we could get them. Then it all changed when I got down to 200 lbs. He wanted me back up to where I was before surgery.

Now on to my mother. I have been taking care of her for 10 yrs. She refuses to do anything for herself. She had the surgery right after me. She lost all her weight, and when everyone started commenting on how well she was getting around she stopped everything and gained all her weight back. She has always guilt tripped me my whole life. Her favorite saying is "God is going to take me away from you" or "When I die your gonna regret treating me this way". I try talking to her and telling her my problems and how I think about suicide all the time. What does she do but go back and tell my dad. What happens the next morning he jumps me for upsetting my mom about the suicidal thoughts. I am full of guilt for everything I do. She is always putting me down for the way I raise .y kids. I'm not a good enough mother in her eyes. She gets my oldest daughter talking about me putting thoughts in her head. I just cant deal with that.

I feel lost and alone all the time. I have so many emotions running through my head. I just wish I could stop thinking. Sleep all day. That's another thing she tells me. I'm not allowed to take naps. I'm to young for naps and I'm suppose to spend all day with her.

Could someone be my angel? Someone who will help me get back on track to support me in giving up my sodas? Get back to taking my vitamins daily and make sure I'm eating breakfast, lunch and dinner? Someone who I can talk to?

Thank you
Brandy
 

southernlady

Administrator
Staff member
Welcome back Brandy Rediker
Good first step in coming back for support. Now, keep coming back and reading. I would also suggest therapy. In person preferably but online with a licensed therapist if in person is not possible. You need your thoughts of suicide addresses ASAP.
 

MsVee

Well-Known Member
I know that you need help! I can offer a listening ear, tips that have helped me with my weight struggles, and prayer for you. I believe you are working with a professional to address your depression and that is good. Definitely keep working with your Doctor/therapist.

I know up how difficult being a caregiver is. I cared for my Mother until she passed in 2018. I know it is difficult but you need to find some sort of outlet. If you are able to get out of the house, I recommend taking a short walk. It can help clear your mind. I started walking for 20 minutes. When I was unable to get out for a walk I would write in a journal.

You cannot control everything, but control what you can. What do you enjoy about your sodas. If it is the fizz ( carbonation) maybe you could substitute seltzer and eliminate some of the calories. If you just need a beverage besides water you could try some of the sugar free drink mixes like crystal light.

Maybe you could keep a food journal for the next week. Don’t change anything yet but create a baseline of what you are eating. Then look at what you are eating and make some adjustments. My fitness pal Is free and I find it easy to use.

A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. I look forward to watching your progress. You can make the changes you need. Just break things down into smaller manageable steps.
 

Larra

Well-Known Member
Therapy! We care about you and you can always come here to vent, but we are not a substitute for therapy with a professional who can help you get past the negativity and lack of support from your family, your suicidal thoughts and depression. This isn't about your weight, it's about your survival. Find a qualified therapist, either in person or phone or Zoom or other means (damn Covid!) and get the help you need.
 

Munchkin

Full of Fairy Dust
Therapy! Get help! And switch to diet soda. Even if the rest of them don't like it. No one needs the sugar. There is one small step!
 

Georgepds

Well-Known Member
Hi

My best friend in college was a manic depressive. After a very manic senior year he was in and out of McClain's hospital for years. The one thing that helped him reach equilibrium was lithium. He didn't like it because he missed the Manic highs, This was a long time ago, there may be better meds now.

I mention this possibility because, as an outside observer, I know drugs can help

He didn't have your other burdens but still it may be worth a try, Quicker than therapy, and may prevent you from hurting yourself while you get better from other means

My heart goes out too you, be as well as you can
 
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