Dealing with know-it-alls!

[brooklyngirl]

I was very open with people about having WLS and since then I've taken informing people about the DS (when WLS comes up in conversation) as my personal responsibility. I think it's a crime that most surgeons don't even mention that it exists and almost no one knows it's an option. My friends, family and coworkers all saw me go from obese to MO, back to obese, then finally balloon to SMO. They were all concerned (whether they verbalized it or not) and were super supportive of my decision. The fact that I had scientific and statistical info to back up my reasons for my decisions helped the ones with too much to say to shut the fuck up.

 

[Larra]

The bottom line is that you do not owe ANYONE an explanation for your choices, not even family, nevermind co-workers. You don't even owe anyone a polite answer when they butt into YOUR life and your business. If you are inclined to attempt to educate people who have chosen to be ignorant, that's fine too, but you don't have to. Any of the above approaches are perfectly acceptable.
But from a philosophical point of view, I like Kirmy's plan best.

Larra

 

[Munchkin]

Quite true that you don't owe anyone an explanation. BUT it would be impossible to keep a secret having surgery in the hospital where you work. So I would probably be open about it and just expect everyone isn't going to be happy and encouraging.

I will tell you a little story. Once upon a time, a dear friend was going to have breast augmentation done. She had very small breasts and one was significantly smaller than the other and insurance was paying to correct the defect. My friend was a very private person and I think most people considered her to be rather stuffy and more than a little conceited. Truly she wasn't those things, she was just painfully shy. She came to me to discuss how to keep the whole thing private and secret.

Well, I proceeded to laugh my ass off. Pretty much told her flat out that she wasn't going to fool anyone going home Friday night with a concave chest and coming back the next Thursday with boobs. I told her she had a choice. She could choose to be open about it and have everyone talking TO her or be secretive and have everyone talking behind her back. She took my advice under advisement and I was totally shocked when she decided to tell all. The office we worked in was full of nosey women and pretty much a viper pit. Nothing would stir up the natives like hot gossip.

Turned out to be the best thing for her ever! All of a sudden she had a bunch of friends and they were always in the bathroom sharing war wounds, scars, and implant stories. I had no idea how many women in the office had had plastics of one kind or another! The office turned into a great support system for her and she changed permanently from shy to popular. Eventually she was promoted to a second level managerial position. A job her old shy, scared self would never have been qualified to do. Hard to believe a couple bags full of saline can change who you are but that's what happened.

Make like an alchemist and change lead to gold.

 

[jjordan8130]

Throat punch them. That's what I would do.

LOVE THIS!!!!!!!

 

[jjordan8130]

Thank you ALL SOOOOOO MUCH for your advice and support!!!! You guys are ROCKSTARS!!!!!!!

I just don't like stupid or difficult people. Most who have an opinion have very little education on the subject. For example: the lab tech that came to the ER last night to hang out. She asked why I've been working so much lately, so I told her the truth. Which is, I'm paying about $3000 out of pocket for surgery so I've been working a lot more to help cover the cost. She asked what kind of surgery and when I told her DS she flipped out. "Don't you know how dangerous that is?!" "I draw blood on that floor!" (NOT a nurse...NOT a doctor and JUST enough education to give her the idea that she can have an opinion) After I spouted off all the research numbers and how I was comfortable with my choice and I had a great surgeon behind me, everyone standing around went totally silent.

My surgeon is on the dsfacts website (not sure if that means he vetted or not). That's how I found him. Hugh Housten in Nashville, TN. I like him a lot. He made me teach him about DS before he would agree to do it. I think that's pretty neat. He really wants his patients to understand and know the choice they're making.

 

[jjordan8130]

First of all, how freaking cute are you??

Secondly, I went with the refrain, "Thanks so much for your concern. I'm really confident in my decision."
And I do mean refrain-- when you say something over and over again no matter how they answer it, they realize that you aren't asking for a conversation.

Thank you Shann!!!!!!!

 

[bearmom]

Here you are going to get the opinion of one more "know it all", but like anything online, you take the info that helps, and the rest if chaff.

I was totally out about my DS, although I didn't tell any loved ones other than my partner until I was just about boarding the plane (for many reasons, it had to be that way). Part of what was going on was that I knew I'd deal with ignorance and judgement, and I didn't have the energy to battle idiots, and make myself go through with the surgery as well, so decided to delay any discussions till afterward.

The only criteria I had, was that for anyone who wanted to discuss it, they needed to learn the basics about the DS. I refused to discuss anything based on somebodys cousins, first husbands child Fred or whatever second hand information they had heard in the rumor mill. I've been willing to supply the basic information to any that were genuinely interested, but have made it clear they need to have facts, or stay out of my business.

 

[jjordan8130]

Here you are going to get the opinion of one more "know it all", but like anything online, you take the info that helps, and the rest if chaff.

I was totally out about my DS, although I didn't tell any loved ones other than my partner until I was just about boarding the plane (for many reasons, it had to be that way). Part of what was going on was that I knew I'd deal with ignorance and judgement, and I didn't have the energy to battle idiots, and make myself go through with the surgery as well, so decided to delay any discussions till afterward.

The only criteria I had, was that for anyone who wanted to discuss it, they needed to learn the basics about the DS. I refused to discuss anything based on somebodys cousins, first husbands child Fred or whatever second hand information they had heard in the rumor mill. I've been willing to supply the basic information to any that were genuinely interested, but have made it clear they need to have facts, or stay out of my business.

That's an excellent idea! Most people want to debate and talk about the people that they know had surgery. We couldn't possibly know the details of their health issues, so it doesn't make sense to even entertain those discussions.

 

[k9ophile]

Thank you ALL SOOOOOO MUCH for your advice and support!!!! You guys are ROCKSTARS!!!!!!!

I just don't like stupid or difficult people. Most who have an opinion have very little education on the subject. For example: the lab tech that came to the ER last night to hang out. She asked why I've been working so much lately, so I told her the truth. Which is, I'm paying about $3000 out of pocket for surgery so I've been working a lot more to help cover the cost. She asked what kind of surgery and when I told her DS she flipped out. "Don't you know how dangerous that is?!" "I draw blood on that floor!" (NOT a nurse...NOT a doctor and JUST enough education to give her the idea that she can have an opinion) After I spouted off all the research numbers and how I was comfortable with my choice and I had a great surgeon behind me, everyone standing around went totally silent.

My surgeon is on the dsfacts website (not sure if that means he vetted or not). That's how I found him. Hugh Housten in Nashville, TN. I like him a lot. He made me teach him about DS before he would agree to do it. I think that's pretty neat. He really wants his patients to understand and know the choice they're making.

You will do very well with Dr. Houston. I greatly admire his skills and personality. I know quite a few of his patients IRL and have referred several to him. His vitamin advice and dietitians weren't so hot in 2008, but thanks to a lot of people on this site, I learned a lot that made up for those deficiencies. I hope they have learned a lot, but if not, there are people here who can and will help you.

As for the staff comments, I can't help but think if Dr. Houston knew any one who was spreading false information, he would throw a fit. Especially if it's the nurses on the WLS floor. You might want to share those comments with him.

 

[jjordan8130]

You will do very well with Dr. Houston. I greatly admire his skills and personality. I know quite a few of his patients IRL and have referred several to him. His vitamin advice and dietitians weren't so hot in 2008, but thanks to a lot of people on this site, I learned a lot that made up for those deficiencies. I hope they have learned a lot, but if not, there are people here who can and will help you.

As for the staff comments, I can't help but think if Dr. Houston knew any one who was spreading false information, he would throw a fit. Especially if it's the nurses on the WLS floor. You might want to share those comments with him.

Did you have surgery with him? I've been looking for someone to connect with that knows him! We spoke about the staff. He was actually quite funny! He knows they think he's a hard ass, but he's doing what he needs to do. He holds them accountable for the care his patients receive. I agree about the nutritionist isn't all that wonderful. She's sweet, but I've learned to nod, smile, and agree then keep it moving. I've been relying heavily on the info I get from here and other sources. The vets really know their stuff. I'm glad they're so willing to share with the newcomers. It's made a world of difference for me. Especially since Housten isn't dong a lot of DS these days. He's sleeving a lot. I'm sure that's where the money is. Plus there's always the chance for repeat business when they need DS later down the road.

 

[Elizabeth N.]

Oh Munchkin, what a COOL story!

JJordan, yes, if your surgeon is listed on that site, he's "vetted." There are other perfectly good DS surgeons that haven't come onto "our" radar yet ("our" meaning the vets who care about and invest in the quality of that list) or who, for some reason, have not yet gotten added to the list.

Dr. Houston's reputation, as I recall, is that all things surgery related are good--good cutter, nice low complication rate, good results etc.--but that his diet and supplement advice is just as lousy as that of most surgeons.

I think that providing peer reviewed, published, strong statistics-based info shuts most people up, if only because they don't understand the vocabulary involved .

 

[k9ophile]

Did you have surgery with him? I've been looking for someone to connect with that knows him! We spoke about the staff. He was actually quite funny! He knows they think he's a hard ass, but he's doing what he needs to do. He holds them accountable for the care his patients receive. I agree about the nutritionist isn't all that wonderful. She's sweet, but I've learned to nod, smile, and agree then keep it moving. I've been relying heavily on the info I get from here and other sources. The vets really know their stuff. I'm glad they're so willing to share with the newcomers. It's made a world of difference for me. Especially since Housten isn't dong a lot of DS these days. He's sleeving a lot. I'm sure that's where the money is. Plus there's always the chance for repeat business when they need DS later down the road.

Yes, I was his first DS. I couldn't believe how many people thought I was a fool to be his first. I never gave it a second thought. I knew he was a good cutter and somebody has to be the first. If I had been his very first patient ever, that would be a different story. He had done numerous RNYs, so even though the DS is not the same, I still had a great deal of confidence in his skill.

One thing I like about Centennial is that they listened to me about what I wanted. I was never pushed to one surgery over another, yet I was quizzed about my choice. I do believe it was Dr. Houston's way of making sure I knew what was talking about. I was told that sleeving is more requested, so that's what is being done. It makes sense, yet they haven't been saying a lot about the DS in their information seminars. Dr. Dyer and Dr. Olsen don't do the DS, so they barely mention it.

If you want to talk more... I can give you my phone # in a private message or meet you IRL.

 

[jjordan8130]

Oh Munchkin, what a COOL story!

JJordan, yes, if your surgeon is listed on that site, he's "vetted." There are other perfectly good DS surgeons that haven't come onto "our" radar yet ("our" meaning the vets who care about and invest in the quality of that list) or who, for some reason, have not yet gotten added to the list.

Dr. Houston's reputation, as I recall, is that all things surgery related are good--good cutter, nice low complication rate, good results etc.--but that his diet and supplement advice is just as lousy as that of most surgeons.

I think that providing peer reviewed, published, strong statistics-based info shuts most people up, if only because they don't understand the vocabulary involved .

Thanks Elizabeth! That's good to know!! I didn't realize if he was listed there he was vetted. That's great!

And I think you're hilarious lol

 

[jjordan8130]

Yes, I was his first DS. I couldn't believe how many people thought I was a fool to be his first. I never gave it a second thought. I knew he was a good cutter and somebody has to be the first. If I had been his very first patient ever, that would be a different story. He had done numerous RNYs, so even though the DS is not the same, I still had a great deal of confidence in his skill.

One thing I like about Centennial is that they listened to me about what I wanted. I was never pushed to one surgery over another, yet I was quizzed about my choice. I do believe it was Dr. Houston's way of making sure I knew what was talking about. I was told that sleeving is more requested, so that's what is being done. It makes sense, yet they haven't been saying a lot about the DS in their information seminars. Dr. Dyer and Dr. Olsen don't do the DS, so they barely mention it.

If you want to talk more... I can give you my phone # in a private message or meet you IRL.

YES!!!! YES!!!!! AND YES!!!!!!! That would be wonderful!!! Wow!!! That's cool that you were his first DS. And yeah.....a lot of people are requesting sleeve. At my first consultation he tried to talk me into sleeve. I was nice, but said I wanted DS and if he couldn't do it I'd find someone who would. His response? Think about it for 90 days and come back. He told me to research and come prepared to back up my decision. I can totally respect that. Some people aren't good candidates for DS and I understand him not wanting to DS everyone right out of the gate.

I'm super excited! I will message you!!!!

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Oh who does like stupid and difficult people? Bottom line, "This was/is my decision and I'm happy with it" repeated over and over and over and over (with a smile) til they get the idea that "interference is futile!" I was lucky, except for some genuine fear and concern from a few, all my friends and family have been hugely supportive.