VSG to DS: 23 Weeks Post-Op (Blah)

[Stefanie S.]

Good Morning! It's been a while since posting. I am grateful that someone on here sent me a private message noting this fact and checked in on me. What a wonderful gesture and reminder to me that we are all in this together. It was fun to post when I was seeing progress and it was all new, but then I retreat when I feel like I'm failing or not doing so well.

So today I am 256. I think I've been that weight for about 4 weeks now. On the day of surgery, I was 301, so being down 45 pounds is certainly great. But I feel like if I don't change my ways, I will be forever at this weight. Old habits have creeped right back in. Well, I don't know about creeped. If I'm being honest, they've really always been there. I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder almost 4 years ago, and if I am not mindful of it, those tendencies show up in a hurry. Especially during times of stress, which we all have. For me, the past few months have been consumed with devastating family issues, buying a new home (and the accompanying headaches and now packing/moving), not liking my job, and fighting the insurance company to pay for the surgery I already had. So the very first thing I do... as my brain seems hardwired to do... EAT!

Being a revision to DS, my stomach wasn't touched in January, so I have been able to eat the same large amounts of food all along. And I do. The magic of DS was fairly forgiving for a while, but not so much now. But I am telling you - I am eating a LOT. And I haven't been careful with what I'm eating. Carbs, desserts, sugars. I always thought that if food made me sick (or sent me running in fear to the toilet!), that it would be my answer. That hasn't proven to be true though. I've just learned timing. I know that I have to eat low carb during the day, but then I can go home and have a carb fest. I'm right there with my own private bathroom where gas and emergency bathroom runs aren't too big of an issue. But it's no life. I really would rather be out at night... feel free to go shopping or go out with a friend, without the worries of feeling bloated and gassy, or worse, needing to get to a restroom NOW and the humiliation of the smell in a public restroom. But I still make myself a slave to this food.

I am going to seek out counseling this week. I went to 18 months of intense counseling back in 2014-2015 for binge eating disorder. And it definitely helped. But I am feeling out of control again.
I want to be an uplifting resource for those of you who have had the DS Revision or are considering it, but instead, here I am.... raw and honest. It is not the magic pill. I have zero regrets though. Today I am 256. I honestly feel that if I had not had the revision surgery in January, I'd be pushing 356 today. So I am in a much better place. But I still just need to get my head on straight

 

[Settledownnow]

@Stefanie S. good to see you posting! We all have food struggles and personal issues. The sad truth is that weight loss surgery does not change our brain and eating behaviors and we still have to get our head right after surgery. You seem to be aware of what sets you off for eating and now you need to put in some strategies that help you create a pause so that you do not go to the next step and overeat carbs. Ever day, remind yourself it is a new day and start again and focus on respecting your body by feeding it the food it needs. Try to do a little better each day. You can do this!

Do you have an in-person support group in your area? That might be helpful for you. The worst thing you can do for yourself is to go away, isolate, and eat.

We need to start a new thread that focuses on the tips and strategies people here use to manage stress/emotional eating.

 

[southernlady]

Eating disorders are hard for the brain to overcome. Good for you for seeking help in dealing with those. You can go the one on one route, the group route (either in person or online) or just read some material that will help. You need to be comfortable with who you share your reasons for the binge behavior.

To help that, be mindful of what is brought into the house. I don't know if you have kids to feed but feeding them non processed foods will help all of you. Keep protein options of all kinds handy.

I know I have NO issue during the day but from supper time to bed time is my hardest hours. If I fall down the rabbit hole, it will be during those hours. Back pre DS, I could go all damned day and not eat but after supper, all bets were off. So I try to make sure my options now are protein/fat OR figured into my daily (mental) carb allowance. And I don't have the mental issues such as stress, jobs, etc, just my brain going on vacation and listening to my taste buds. Now, when I go looking for something to stuff in my mouth, I make my brain stop and ask, is this a good option for me? I'm at about a 60-70% success rate that way. It also helps to not have carby options in the house. And I hate how too many (or the wrong kind) make me feel later.

 

[Settledownnow]

Before eating something with carbs ask yourself, "Did I eat enough protein today?", "Do I need water?", "Did I take my supplements?"
Give yourself the rule of protein and water first.

 

[galaxygrrl]

So, as my sister-in-law said, they cut your tummy, but did not give you a lobotomy.

The best advice I got on this part of the problem is my diet doc - the guy who I did a liquid fast with and lost over 100 pounds - said to me about the DS, is now you will be able to use all the tools we taught you and have the control to do it. It's a struggle every day for me but a managable struggle now.

Here are the tricks that work for me.

- I don't keep food I want in the house that will be a problem. No sweets. But all the fat and salt I want. Bacon, hot dogs, salami, olives, etc
- I'm careful with carbs, but not crazy. I use carbs the way I want to. I eat fruit, but I don't do bread and pasta.
- In a resturant, I order food, then, I take what I wont eat, as for a doggie bag and remove it from the meal before I start to eat. Sometimes I take it home, sometimes I just leave it, but I take out of sight.
- I have one treat a day, usually something sweet like a small ice cream. I get it at the scoop shop. I get a kids size. I control portion size carefully.

Hope this helps.

Beth

 

[Stefanie S.]

Thank you all for the support and great suggestions! I need these reminders. I'm going to keep coming back to this post when I need motivated. Which right now, might be hourly...

 

[Munchkin]

All fat people are told at one time or another they must have an eating disorder. And if you are told something often enough, you start believing it. I thought maybe I had BED. Then I met someone who really had BED. She was my room-mate. I can probably say I understand it as much as I can without actually having the issue.

BED is a terrible disease. I hope you get the help you need to keep it at bay. What worked for my roomie was always having something to do OTHER than go home and eat. She found if she broke the cycle for a few weeks it then became easier to manage at home. And home was the only place she binged. Some nights she would put in 5 or 6 hours at the gym. She was trying to replace bad habits with good ones.

One thing I did to try and help was make sure there was no bingeworthy food in the house. If she wanted it, she had to go get it!

 

[southernlady]

One thing I did to try and help was make sure there was no bingeworthy food in the house. If she wanted it, she had to go get it!

My solution when I was breaking the carb habit when I was first diagnosed with diabetes. If it was in the house, it had to be cooked to eat.

Also instead of mindlessly eating out of a bag or container, put some in a bowl, put the rest away, and then sit down to it.

 

[LindaDarnell]

Good Morning! It's been a while since posting. I am grateful that someone on here sent me a private message noting this fact and checked in on me. What a wonderful gesture and reminder to me that we are all in this together. It was fun to post when I was seeing progress and it was all new, but then I retreat when I feel like I'm failing or not doing so well.

So today I am 256. I think I've been that weight for about 4 weeks now. On the day of surgery, I was 301, so being down 45 pounds is certainly great. But I feel like if I don't change my ways, I will be forever at this weight. Old habits have creeped right back in. Well, I don't know about creeped. If I'm being honest, they've really always been there. I was diagnosed with binge eating disorder almost 4 years ago, and if I am not mindful of it, those tendencies show up in a hurry. Especially during times of stress, which we all have. For me, the past few months have been consumed with devastating family issues, buying a new home (and the accompanying headaches and now packing/moving), not liking my job, and fighting the insurance company to pay for the surgery I already had. So the very first thing I do... as my brain seems hardwired to do... EAT!

Being a revision to DS, my stomach wasn't touched in January, so I have been able to eat the same large amounts of food all along. And I do. The magic of DS was fairly forgiving for a while, but not so much now. But I am telling you - I am eating a LOT. And I haven't been careful with what I'm eating. Carbs, desserts, sugars. I always thought that if food made me sick (or sent me running in fear to the toilet!), that it would be my answer. That hasn't proven to be true though. I've just learned timing. I know that I have to eat low carb during the day, but then I can go home and have a carb fest. I'm right there with my own private bathroom where gas and emergency bathroom runs aren't too big of an issue. But it's no life. I really would rather be out at night... feel free to go shopping or go out with a friend, without the worries of feeling bloated and gassy, or worse, needing to get to a restroom NOW and the humiliation of the smell in a public restroom. But I still make myself a slave to this food.

I am going to seek out counseling this week. I went to 18 months of intense counseling back in 2014-2015 for binge eating disorder. And it definitely helped. But I am feeling out of control again.
I want to be an uplifting resource for those of you who have had the DS Revision or are considering it, but instead, here I am.... raw and honest. It is not the magic pill. I have zero regrets though. Today I am 256. I honestly feel that if I had not had the revision surgery in January, I'd be pushing 356 today. So I am in a much better place. But I still just need to get my head on straight

Ur honesty and candor are an inspiration, ma'am !! Please dont think that ur not. Ur going through what many of us are experiencing, especially those that have had a revision. Ur posts are a stark reminder that the DS like any other WLS is only a tool. A powerful tool, yes, but still a tool. And if we arent aware of our weaknesses and seek help and support to correct them, then our tool cant work as well. U remind me that I cant take for granted the work I have to contribute to making this thing work. Literally 10 minutes before reading ur post, I was contemplating "sneaking" to the store to buy a special muffin that I love. It's big enough for 3 servings but i was going to eat it all by myself as drove slowly back home with the laundry detergent in the backseat as my alibi. Why was I going tp do it? Because I "deserved" it...i had a hard few days at work...ive stuck to my eating plan(most days)..and the scale is moving. So I deserved it. But something led me to this site and to ur post. And what I deserve more than a stupid muffin is to not hide tears of frustration bc of my weight
What I deserve is to not be lectured by my Dr abt how some ailment is directly attributable to my weight. What I deserve is to be fly as hell in a pair of 5 inch stilettos without limping in pain bc my knees are too heavy!!! So tonight Ms Stefanie, you helped me fight for what I deserve. Tomorrow may be a different story. But either way, just know there's someone living ur pain but being uplifted from it as well!!!

 

[Rhondajs]

Posting this was very brave. Trying to undo years of bad habits is hard but I think you can do it. Keep your head up.

 

[Stefanie S.]

All fat people are told at one time or another they must have an eating disorder. And if you are told something often enough, you start believing it. I thought maybe I had BED. Then I met someone who really had BED. She was my room-mate. I can probably say I understand it as much as I can without actually having the issue.

BED is a terrible disease. I hope you get the help you need to keep it at bay. What worked for my roomie was always having something to do OTHER than go home and eat. She found if she broke the cycle for a few weeks it then became easier to manage at home. And home was the only place she binged. Some nights she would put in 5 or 6 hours at the gym. She was trying to replace bad habits with good ones.

One thing I did to try and help was make sure there was no bingeworthy food in the house. If she wanted it, she had to go get it!

She had some great strategies. Ones I've used at times too... and need to get back to.

 

[Stefanie S.]

Ur honesty and candor are an inspiration, ma'am !! Please dont think that ur not. Ur going through what many of us are experiencing, especially those that have had a revision. Ur posts are a stark reminder that the DS like any other WLS is only a tool. A powerful tool, yes, but still a tool. And if we arent aware of our weaknesses and seek help and support to correct them, then our tool cant work as well. U remind me that I cant take for granted the work I have to contribute to making this thing work. Literally 10 minutes before reading ur post, I was contemplating "sneaking" to the store to buy a special muffin that I love. It's big enough for 3 servings but i was going to eat it all by myself as drove slowly back home with the laundry detergent in the backseat as my alibi. Why was I going tp do it? Because I "deserved" it...i had a hard few days at work...ive stuck to my eating plan(most days)..and the scale is moving. So I deserved it. But something led me to this site and to ur post. And what I deserve more than a stupid muffin is to not hide tears of frustration bc of my weight
What I deserve is to not be lectured by my Dr abt how some ailment is directly attributable to my weight. What I deserve is to be fly as hell in a pair of 5 inch stilettos without limping in pain bc my knees are too heavy!!! So tonight Ms Stefanie, you helped me fight for what I deserve. Tomorrow may be a different story. But either way, just know there's someone living ur pain but being uplifted from it as well!!!

You gave me goosebumps! This post made my whole week - thank you for sharing! And congrats on not getting that muffin. I read once that the more we say no, the easier it gets. Something about laying new pathways in the brain.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

My solution when I was breaking the carb habit when I was first diagnosed with diabetes. If it was in the house, it had to be cooked to eat.

Also instead of mindlessly eating out of a bag or container, put some in a bowl, put the rest away, and then sit down to it.

COOKED!?!?!?! That would slow me down! It might make @DianaCox worse! Lol

 

[southernlady]

COOKED!?!?!?! That would slow me down! It might make @DianaCox worse! Lol

Well, if you want immediate satisfaction of a carb fix right this second, having to cook it does make you slow down long enough to reconsider just how bad you want it. If I want it bad enough to actually cook it, then I really wanted it just not as a quick fix for the moment.

If I have to make a batch of cookies from scratch, one has to wait for the butter to soften, etc. so it might be several hours to get your cookie fix. However if a bag of premade cookies come in the house, it's much harder to damned impossible to resist.