it is pretty dramatic.
On the theme of families ...
- Thread starter DianaCox
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Susan in Tennessee
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That would be me, too! Caring more and working on it more than the SIL!
Spiky Bugger
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Ya, know, Diana...this reminded me of my (late) BFF.
She was a WONDERFUL friend, a great animal lover—dogs, cats, the deer and moose in whose forest she lived—a beloved employee and coworker, a caring daughter and big sister, and I think, a not-bad wife.
She was also, unfortunately, just not a great mom. In fact, not even a fairly decent mom. She LOVED her kids, but she did not raise particularly well-adjusted, productive kids. She had three kids while married to her first husband. He split, she moved in with her parents—in the $4/month company “cabin,” in the company town (ever heard the song “16 Tons?”) where her daddy creosoted telephone poles and the only nearby job was at the state psych hospital—and tried to support the kids. She became pregnant while single and relinquished that baby for adoption. That is the only one of her kids who has not led a screwed up life...the one she DIDN’T raise.
[Kid #1–at 19, drowned while drunk-swimming in a river; Kid #2–from age 20-35, fried his brain on drugs, multiple strokes, 100% disabled; Kid #3–at 42 years old and having custody of his daughter, was assaulted while buying drugs, went home and the elderly lady who cared for his daughter decided she should just pray about it and not call 911, so he died. MEANWHILE, the daughter she relinquished was an honor student and went on to become an RN and a supervisor at the practice where she worked. THAT DAUGHTER repeatedly asked me for info on who her father was. I’m pretty sure that even my BFF didn’t know for sure!]
Anyway, it’s really sad when people are not very good at the only REALLY important job most of us have...but those same people, while a tad feral, are not necessarily “bad” folks. In fact, the greatest gift my BFF gave that daughter was a chance to be raised in a functioning family. Aaaannnnd, when contacted by the relinquished daughter, was DELIGHTED, even though she didn’t want to connect until her quite older adoptive parents were both gone.
She was a WONDERFUL friend, a great animal lover—dogs, cats, the deer and moose in whose forest she lived—a beloved employee and coworker, a caring daughter and big sister, and I think, a not-bad wife.
She was also, unfortunately, just not a great mom. In fact, not even a fairly decent mom. She LOVED her kids, but she did not raise particularly well-adjusted, productive kids. She had three kids while married to her first husband. He split, she moved in with her parents—in the $4/month company “cabin,” in the company town (ever heard the song “16 Tons?”) where her daddy creosoted telephone poles and the only nearby job was at the state psych hospital—and tried to support the kids. She became pregnant while single and relinquished that baby for adoption. That is the only one of her kids who has not led a screwed up life...the one she DIDN’T raise.
[Kid #1–at 19, drowned while drunk-swimming in a river; Kid #2–from age 20-35, fried his brain on drugs, multiple strokes, 100% disabled; Kid #3–at 42 years old and having custody of his daughter, was assaulted while buying drugs, went home and the elderly lady who cared for his daughter decided she should just pray about it and not call 911, so he died. MEANWHILE, the daughter she relinquished was an honor student and went on to become an RN and a supervisor at the practice where she worked. THAT DAUGHTER repeatedly asked me for info on who her father was. I’m pretty sure that even my BFF didn’t know for sure!]
Anyway, it’s really sad when people are not very good at the only REALLY important job most of us have...but those same people, while a tad feral, are not necessarily “bad” folks. In fact, the greatest gift my BFF gave that daughter was a chance to be raised in a functioning family. Aaaannnnd, when contacted by the relinquished daughter, was DELIGHTED, even though she didn’t want to connect until her quite older adoptive parents were both gone.
So, the meeting between my son-in-law (C) and his half-brother (G) finally happened today. It went well. It was delayed because G was moving up to San Jose, and I guess he works a lot.
The biodad (K) still apparently isn’t aware that C has tried to contact him. But G suggested that C write a letter to K and G will give it to him. So that’s happening.
Unfortunately, the reason G wanted to meet C and talk to him in person is kind of what one could have guessed. K lives with his mom, because he’s a meth head. And a hoarder. A lives-on-the-fringe type. G didn’t want C to be surprised, disappointed, shocked, etc. I think it was a fair call on the kid’s part (he’s in his early to mid-20s). And G himself, as an only child, is THRILLED to have a brother. And C says he was more interested in finding siblings anyway himself (he was also raised an only child.)
Finally, G was asked about the friend of K who is also the father of C’s half-sister M (same mother, B) (we’ll call him C2) - G has known C2 for years, as C2 is actually good friends with his father K - and G had no idea of this fact. My daughter said G’s mind was blown by this information.
It is still not known whether either or both of K and C2 know that they both had a kid with the same girl/woman B - I suppose it is entirely possible that K and C2 were not friends when M was born, that the relationship didn’t last that long, that B moved away to OK with M relatively early in M’s life, and K never knew about his friend C2’s daughter‘s mother, or who she was. But I’d bet a small sum that both K and C2 know this information.
If so, it also means that C’s biomom B may have lied about not knowing K’s last name, and was of no help to C in finding him when she might have known all along. Her daughter’s father C2 was good friends with K, the father of her son she gave up for adoption? With an unusual name? And M herself didn’t notice her father had a Facebook friend with the same unusual first name that her new half-brother was trying to find?
There could be some weird family reunions in the future. B’s mother and one of her brothers lives in the same area as C and my daughter, which again is only 5 miles from the house K shares with his mother (so C has another grandmother to meet too; K’s father died quite young in the 1990s), and they come to the South Bay fairly often, as B works for an airline.
(And I’d be intruding to invite myself, as much as I’d like to witness them, so I’ll have to wait on my daughter’s reports. More stories as they evolve.)
The biodad (K) still apparently isn’t aware that C has tried to contact him. But G suggested that C write a letter to K and G will give it to him. So that’s happening.
Unfortunately, the reason G wanted to meet C and talk to him in person is kind of what one could have guessed. K lives with his mom, because he’s a meth head. And a hoarder. A lives-on-the-fringe type. G didn’t want C to be surprised, disappointed, shocked, etc. I think it was a fair call on the kid’s part (he’s in his early to mid-20s). And G himself, as an only child, is THRILLED to have a brother. And C says he was more interested in finding siblings anyway himself (he was also raised an only child.)
Finally, G was asked about the friend of K who is also the father of C’s half-sister M (same mother, B) (we’ll call him C2) - G has known C2 for years, as C2 is actually good friends with his father K - and G had no idea of this fact. My daughter said G’s mind was blown by this information.
It is still not known whether either or both of K and C2 know that they both had a kid with the same girl/woman B - I suppose it is entirely possible that K and C2 were not friends when M was born, that the relationship didn’t last that long, that B moved away to OK with M relatively early in M’s life, and K never knew about his friend C2’s daughter‘s mother, or who she was. But I’d bet a small sum that both K and C2 know this information.
If so, it also means that C’s biomom B may have lied about not knowing K’s last name, and was of no help to C in finding him when she might have known all along. Her daughter’s father C2 was good friends with K, the father of her son she gave up for adoption? With an unusual name? And M herself didn’t notice her father had a Facebook friend with the same unusual first name that her new half-brother was trying to find?
There could be some weird family reunions in the future. B’s mother and one of her brothers lives in the same area as C and my daughter, which again is only 5 miles from the house K shares with his mother (so C has another grandmother to meet too; K’s father died quite young in the 1990s), and they come to the South Bay fairly often, as B works for an airline.
(And I’d be intruding to invite myself, as much as I’d like to witness them, so I’ll have to wait on my daughter’s reports. More stories as they evolve.)
Spiky Bugger
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Visual Aids? Family tree graphics? I may need to make my own to follow this...lol!
A & D (Adoptive mom and dad, live in our 55+ community in AZ) raised C in the South Bay of SF.
C (37): biomom is B, biodad is K. (My SIL)
G (24): dad also K (C’s half-brother)
C2: friend of K, dad of M.
M (33): mom is also B, dad is C2 (C’s half-sis
(B also has 3 younger children with current husband T - they live in OK, as does M)
B’s mother and at least one of her 3 brothers live in the South Bay, near C & J (my daughter).
K lives with his mother very near C & J.
I think I’d need a 3D space to do the family tree.
C (37): biomom is B, biodad is K. (My SIL)
G (24): dad also K (C’s half-brother)
C2: friend of K, dad of M.
M (33): mom is also B, dad is C2 (C’s half-sis
(B also has 3 younger children with current husband T - they live in OK, as does M)
B’s mother and at least one of her 3 brothers live in the South Bay, near C & J (my daughter).
K lives with his mother very near C & J.
I think I’d need a 3D space to do the family tree.
hilary1617
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All in all, getting what seems to be a fairly cool half brother out of the deal sounds like a definite plus. Hope the revelations about B doesn't cause any strain between K and C2!. 
Everyone knows coma plot twists don’t happen before season 2, during contract negotiations with an actor wanting top billing or more money.
I suspect the bigger concern is that one or more of B, K and C2 (and M?) knew, and were keeping it secret from one or more others, including C. Because that cat is out of the bag. I’m sure G will mention it to K, so that ought to set the ball rolling.
C is going to have to tell M and B, assuming when he does that they don’t know. Will be interesting in a not good way if their stories differ from K and/or C2’s version. I’m sure trust is already an issue in some of these relationships.
And I’m waiting for C to give his adoptive parents an update on the search for his paternal relatives. They know he was looking, but not the current status. And they were more than a little upset that C didn’t tell them about the original search, and that I was helping with it, until he found his biomom B 2 years ago.
Here’s the meeting (G left, C right):
They look happy, and that is indeed what matters. Two only kids found a brother.
I suspect the bigger concern is that one or more of B, K and C2 (and M?) knew, and were keeping it secret from one or more others, including C. Because that cat is out of the bag. I’m sure G will mention it to K, so that ought to set the ball rolling.
C is going to have to tell M and B, assuming when he does that they don’t know. Will be interesting in a not good way if their stories differ from K and/or C2’s version. I’m sure trust is already an issue in some of these relationships.
And I’m waiting for C to give his adoptive parents an update on the search for his paternal relatives. They know he was looking, but not the current status. And they were more than a little upset that C didn’t tell them about the original search, and that I was helping with it, until he found his biomom B 2 years ago.
Here’s the meeting (G left, C right):
They look happy, and that is indeed what matters. Two only kids found a brother.
He finally met his biodad yesterday, as well as his paternal grandmother (K lives with his mother). Apparently it went well (I was getting feedback from my daughter, who wasn’t there - C went to their house after work).
Still wondering what the reaction is going to be when SIL tells his biomom and half-sister. But at least he was welcomed with relatively open arms by his biodad’s family.
- He did not know that the biomom had gotten pregnant after their one encounter - he found out after the birth and adoption.
- He knew that his friend had been married to and had a child with the biomom (although there was some confusion about which of the friend’s kids it was), but the marriage was very brief and was over many years ago, so it was not a topic of discussion; also, the friend (C2) is not very close with his 33 year old daughter, so I can imagine her finding a half-brother might not have been mentioned.
Still wondering what the reaction is going to be when SIL tells his biomom and half-sister. But at least he was welcomed with relatively open arms by his biodad’s family.
Small update. My daughter and SIL (C) had his biodad K and K’s mother (C’s bio-grandmother) over for dinner last weekend, and yesterday, they went over to K’s house to meet K’s brother (C’s uncle). Like with his uncles on his bio mom’s side, C clearly strongly favors his uncles.
Left to right: Biodad K, half-brother G, C, and K’s brother/C’s uncle:
I guess things are going well in the get-to-know-each-other phase.
Left to right: Biodad K, half-brother G, C, and K’s brother/C’s uncle:
I guess things are going well in the get-to-know-each-other phase.
Well damn. My son-in-law’s bio-dad died yesterday. He was driving home, on his street, and something happened. Possibly related to the diabetes that he didn’t control properly.
At least they got to meet each other. And C and my daughter are there, treated as and mourning with the family.
At least they got to meet each other. And C and my daughter are there, treated as and mourning with the family.
Spiky Bugger
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Well, that seriously sucks.
I'm sorry to hear it, Diana. 
