As a newly minted post-op, I have no words of wisdom on any of this. So I'll just offer support and hugs and remind you that you're never a downer in this group. Besides that, as a newbie it helped me tremendously to read about the "negative" or "bad" outcomes or the unanticipated setbacks. Just remember that after us, there will be brand new crops of newbies who will look to these forums and may gain a better understanding of all the various potential outcomes if we communicate all the sides. In fact, that is what I love most about the BF community. I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch, but I'm glad to see you posting about it.