Aging and spouses/family members

[Spiky Bugger]

I’m OK. Still crying a lot. My sister has it worse - she’s dealing with the reality and details.

We need to figure out what to do with the cremains - the cemetery where her parents were interred in the 1970s is trying to rip us off. There is a plan. It may not be strictly legally copacetic - which would please and honor our mother immensely.

Yes, but...an old boyfriend honored his dad's wishes to have his cremains scattered in the wilderness area he loved. But then ex-boyfriend "didn't have a place"...a place that verified that his dad had ever existed. So then goofy ex-boyfriend (did I ever date any other kind?) decided that his dad needed a gravesite and a headstone...and he could sit there and think about dad. So he bought a cemetary plot--not expensive because it was in nowhere land--and a headstone...and there you go. He ended up buying what his dad didn't want...but did not actually subject the evidence that his dad did exist, to being kept there.

That "scattering thing" can't be undone.

Food for thought.

 

[DianaCox]

One brother WANTS a plaque, which we could put on Grandma and Grandpa's site - the price, style, vendor apparently cannot be negotiated and is $1800. We could go to the cemetery for the "unveiling" of the plaque and bring Mom divvied up in plastic baggies in our pockets and discretely scatter them during the private affair.

From the cemetery:

Another option that you have is to not inter your mother’s cremated remains in the space with her parents, but still memorialize her on a cenotaph plaque to be placed below your grandparent’s memorial marker. I have attached a picture of their marker for you to see. Her marker would be a single, and I also attached a sample picture of what that looks like. One thing I do need to mention, that because she wouldn’t be buried here, the marker will have to say “In Memory Of.”

The charge for a cenotaph memorial marker will be $1,797.50. Here is the charge breakdown:
Memorial Marker $1275
10% tax on Marker $127.50
Memorial Endowment $100
Memorial Setting $295

Included with the marker is 16” x 24” in green. Fifteen words are included, with her name and dates counting as only one each, so you are left with 13 words. If you would like more, it will be $15 + tax for each additional word. Any one letter word like “a” does not count against the remaining 13 words, neither would an ampersand.

If you do the cenotaph marker, I can include the service calling it an unveiling and so there will be no extra charge for the 4 chairs (I can have up to 10 provided), water, stones, and yarmulkes. You would be able to hold any service you would like and if you want to have a rabbi, I can also provide a podium.

Also, if your mother has any living siblings, they would need to approve her marker being placed with Max and Mollie.

Please let me know if you have questions about this option or the previous option to inter your mother with her parents.​

Mom had no siblings (well, she had a foster sister who we didn't stay in touch with much, and I spoke to her over the weekend, but she has no legal rights). What I didn't realize is that we four kids each just inherited the cemetery plot, and we all have to agree to this! (Not that we won't.)

Does anyone know what the water and stones are for? Maybe the stones are for leaving on the grave markers to show that someone has come by and visited? But the water?

I'm kind of liking the idea of putting a marker for her on her parents' grave. I'm just offended at the cost, but it's better than the $15K+ for burying the urn.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

One brother WANTS a plaque, which we could put on Grandma and Grandpa's site - the price, style, vendor apparently cannot be negotiated and is $1800. We could go to the cemetery for the "unveiling" of the plaque and bring Mom divvied up in plastic baggies in our pockets and discretely scatter them during the private affair.

From the cemetery:

Another option that you have is to not inter your mother’s cremated remains in the space with her parents, but still memorialize her on a cenotaph plaque to be placed below your grandparent’s memorial marker. I have attached a picture of their marker for you to see. Her marker would be a single, and I also attached a sample picture of what that looks like. One thing I do need to mention, that because she wouldn’t be buried here, the marker will have to say “In Memory Of.”

The charge for a cenotaph memorial marker will be $1,797.50. Here is the charge breakdown:
Memorial Marker $1275
10% tax on Marker $127.50
Memorial Endowment $100
Memorial Setting $295

Included with the marker is 16” x 24” in green. Fifteen words are included, with her name and dates counting as only one each, so you are left with 13 words. If you would like more, it will be $15 + tax for each additional word. Any one letter word like “a” does not count against the remaining 13 words, neither would an ampersand.

If you do the cenotaph marker, I can include the service calling it an unveiling and so there will be no extra charge for the 4 chairs (I can have up to 10 provided), water, stones, and yarmulkes. You would be able to hold any service you would like and if you want to have a rabbi, I can also provide a podium.

Also, if your mother has any living siblings, they would need to approve her marker being placed with Max and Mollie.

Please let me know if you have questions about this option or the previous option to inter your mother with her parents.​

Mom had no siblings (well, she had a foster sister who we didn't stay in touch with much, and I spoke to her over the weekend, but she has no legal rights). What I didn't realize is that we four kids each just inherited the cemetery plot, and we all have to agree to this! (Not that we won't.)

Does anyone know what the water and stones are for? Maybe the stones are for leaving on the grave markers to show that someone has come by and visited? But the water?

I'm kind of liking the idea of putting a marker for her on her parents' grave. I'm just offended at the cost, but it's better than the $15K+ for burying the urn.

I dunno from the water, but placing the stones...always placed w/the left hand and I don't remember why...is a mitzvah. The departed are being remembered and the stone symbolizes the enduring memory of the deceased. Anyway, that's what Mrs. Bloomfield told me.

 

[Munchkin]

One brother WANTS a plaque, which we could put on Grandma and Grandpa's site - the price, style, vendor apparently cannot be negotiated and is $1800. We could go to the cemetery for the "unveiling" of the plaque and bring Mom divvied up in plastic baggies in our pockets and discretely scatter them during the private affair.

From the cemetery:

Another option that you have is to not inter your mother’s cremated remains in the space with her parents, but still memorialize her on a cenotaph plaque to be placed below your grandparent’s memorial marker. I have attached a picture of their marker for you to see. Her marker would be a single, and I also attached a sample picture of what that looks like. One thing I do need to mention, that because she wouldn’t be buried here, the marker will have to say “In Memory Of.”

The charge for a cenotaph memorial marker will be $1,797.50. Here is the charge breakdown:
Memorial Marker $1275
10% tax on Marker $127.50
Memorial Endowment $100
Memorial Setting $295

Included with the marker is 16” x 24” in green. Fifteen words are included, with her name and dates counting as only one each, so you are left with 13 words. If you would like more, it will be $15 + tax for each additional word. Any one letter word like “a” does not count against the remaining 13 words, neither would an ampersand.

If you do the cenotaph marker, I can include the service calling it an unveiling and so there will be no extra charge for the 4 chairs (I can have up to 10 provided), water, stones, and yarmulkes. You would be able to hold any service you would like and if you want to have a rabbi, I can also provide a podium.

Also, if your mother has any living siblings, they would need to approve her marker being placed with Max and Mollie.

Please let me know if you have questions about this option or the previous option to inter your mother with her parents.​

Mom had no siblings (well, she had a foster sister who we didn't stay in touch with much, and I spoke to her over the weekend, but she has no legal rights). What I didn't realize is that we four kids each just inherited the cemetery plot, and we all have to agree to this! (Not that we won't.)

Does anyone know what the water and stones are for? Maybe the stones are for leaving on the grave markers to show that someone has come by and visited? But the water?

I'm kind of liking the idea of putting a marker for her on her parents' grave. I'm just offended at the cost, but it's better than the $15K+ for burying the urn.

Ridiculous! The funeral industry is a racket!

 

[DianaCox]

No kidding. The plot was bought in a rush (WHY? Grandma had stomach cancer) so no negotiations, I assume. It was near where we lived. It was a Jew-friendly cemetery - lots of famous Hollywood Jews there (and Breitbart! UGH!!). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hillside_Memorial_Park_Cemetery