Aging and spouses/family members

[Spiky Bugger]

Good moves, all of 'em. (Hi! Duckman's shrink!)

Mr. Sue will have to change therapists when he goes on Medicare next week. (I strongly suggested he see one...or go live in the storage room behind the garage.) Also, it gives him someone, besides me, to talk to.

Current one is has social science hx, no more. I think that someone with a hard science background might have identified the statins as a possible source of his crazy.

Chemistry is a beautiful thing. (Except for that stupid periodic table that has WAY MORE items on it than when I got a `Gentleman's D' in HS Chem class.) Off the statins, he feels less fuzzy in his thinking, more in control of how he responds to frustrations and he JUST told me that he has fewer muscle aches.

It's the "responds to frustrations" thing I noticed first...then, that the disordered executive function skills are improving, too.

So I'm glad you are addressing the possible chemistry of it all and that you have a rent-a-friend, because those folks can often provide far more honest feedback than folks who hang with us for free. (You only have to like them enough to keep making appointments.)

And, Mr. Sue now asks if you are on statins. I think you addressed this earlier, but I'm too worn out* to go find it.





*We had dinner last night with @DianaCox and her hubby. There are no photos, so it may not have happened. But, it was Argentine food and I still taste garlic! That may be proof enough.

 

[JackieOnLine]

no, we actually NEED photos.

 

[DianaCox]

How about this from my texts with Spiky last night as we were driving home?

 

[Spiky Bugger]

How about this from my texts with Spiky last night as we were driving home?

You apparently know Jackie quite well.

 

[DianaCox]

I fixed the pic, I think.

 

[southernlady]

I fixed the pic, I think.

You did

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I fixed the pic, I think.

Btw, my sister and BIL were away for a golf weekend. He is a VERY cautious driver. They came home, 101.5 mile drive in 90 minutes (67+ mph), as opposed to our 115 minute commute to meet you guys, for about 30 miles (15+ mph.)

L.A. Traffic is schizoid...

 

[DianaCox]

I could not deal with that traffic at all. Newp. Thank you so much for coming down to Long Beach to meet us!

 

[Spiky Bugger]

I have stopped all caffeine at noon and my sleep is better. I can't judge how well the counseling is going. I suppose my anger is less pronounced? After meeting PCP he's keeping me on the drug at 150mg a day for the next three months

I've been looking for shrinks for Mr Sue all day. He is less confused. But now that he's not in a fog, he's more volatile. And he's twitchy...so maybe some ADHD in there, too. But I went online to read about fidgity folks and it seems fidgeting is a good thing. Who knew? His outbursts are not dangerous to anything but his BP and, you know, cardiovascular system. Today, he asked if I wanted him to move out and I asked if he needed help packing. Then he looked sad.

He is going to get help, or I need MUCH BIGGER doses of lorazepam.

 

[DianaCox]

Oh shit Sue. I'm sorry - but overall, it sounds like he's more "with it?" Maybe he's just adjusting to feeling less foggy - and you both need to adjust a bit?

Charles stopped taking his statin as an experiment too. And I've noticed a few things as well, including his having a hair trigger - but we've got some additional external pressure right now - we're trying to buy a new-to-us used RV, and there's negotiating and such, which he HATES and he wants to buy one I am concerned is overpriced but he fell in love with it (compared to our old rig), but now there's another one we're looking at, plus we need to get a mortgage on the house to cover some of the cost plus some more for the reno on the kitchen and doing some concrete work, and this shit is never easy.

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Oh shit Sue. I'm sorry - but overall, it sounds like he's more "with it?" Maybe he's just adjusting to feeling less foggy - and you both need to adjust a bit?

Charles stopped taking his statin as an experiment too. And I've noticed a few things as well, including his having a hair trigger - but we've got some additional external pressure right now - we're trying to buy a new-to-us used RV, and there's negotiating and such, which he HATES and he wants to buy one I am concerned is overpriced but he fell in love with it (compared to our old rig), but now there's another one we're looking at, plus we need to get a mortgage on the house to cover some of the cost plus some more for the reno on the kitchen and doing some concrete work, and this shit is never easy.

Well, yes...he just wrote a check for $4915 for pool-related work...but not plaster, tile and making it more shallow and more attractive, that will be another $14k, so not right now. AND, there was the rain gutter that went in last week. And almost $8k worth of fence next week...so, maybe concern about spending $$$?

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Oh shit Sue. I'm sorry - but overall, it sounds like he's more "with it?" Maybe he's just adjusting to feeling less foggy - and you both need to adjust a bit?

Charles stopped taking his statin as an experiment too. And I've noticed a few things as well, including his having a hair trigger - but we've got some additional external pressure right now - we're trying to buy a new-to-us used RV, and there's negotiating and such, which he HATES and he wants to buy one I am concerned is overpriced but he fell in love with it (compared to our old rig), but now there's another one we're looking at, plus we need to get a mortgage on the house to cover some of the cost plus some more for the reno on the kitchen and doing some concrete work, and this shit is never easy.

The old external pressure trick! Here's a bit of this morning:

Him: <sarcastic tone> Well! You've done it again! Used up all the counter space. I have no room to make my oatmeal!
Me: Those are the ingredients for the chicken soup. [He had helped me get some of those ingredients out of the freezer...did he expect me to stand there and juggle them?] Can you use one of the breadboards?
Him: <ranting while making his oatmeal, ending with> but you always do this!
Me: The reason there is no room is that that jumbo microwave is sitting on the counter and not mounted on the wall.
Him: <much louder> I told you I don't know how to make the cabinet shorter so we CAN mount it on the wall.
Me (being a bitch) (but he's already been screaming, so I'm entitled): You own a Sawzall, a pencil and a level...is there a fucking PURPOSE for their using up room in the garage...or are they just decor?
Him: You want ME to do it?
Me: Do you want counter space, or do you need it to stay this way so you can yell at me some more?

He inspects everything. While I prep the soup fixings, he empties the cupboard. (Everything there is in boxes in anticipation of this moment.)

Him: I have to go to Home Depot.
Me: What for?
Him: <sarcastic tone, volume increasing> I don't have a grout cutter and this edge of the cabinet is held in place by the grout. If I don't cut the grout, I might break tbe tile.
Me: Just use the Sawzall, cut here and here, apply pressure and the whole thing will come apart. And you have a Dremel Tool that will cut grout.
Him: <angry again> Well, if you want broken tile!
Me: Nothing would please me more. That tile and its brown grout are why my kitchen has to be brown. Home Depot even has peel and stick backsplash tile that would look better...and not be brown.

He actually cut off the bottom of the cupboard. And did a good job. We need to add a supporting shelf...and MAYBE move an electrical outlet, but he knows how to do that. (The microwave used to be mounted over the stove...but aging people shrink and microwaves have to be a certain minimum distance above the range top, so we were starting to get too close to the flames and almost burning our bellies trying to reach stuff in the microwave. Ergo, it will be mounted over a counter.)

Kitchen will need more work. Lots more work. And I need to do some Death Cleaning in there, too.

And, hi, @Duckman ...sorry your thread has been stolen.

 

[southernlady]

And, hi, @Duckman ...sorry your thread has been stolen.

Do you want me to split this thread? @Duckman @DianaCox @Spiky Bugger so that the rants about spouses, aging, etc have their own?

 

[Spiky Bugger]

Do you want me to split this thread? @Duckman @DianaCox @Spiky Bugger so that the rants about spouses, aging, etc have their own?

I think it would be kinder to Duckman.

 

[DianaCox]

And I get to add another stressor - but it's just mine (well, for the most part, except how my response affects Charles): Mom is dying. In Virginia, 2700 miles from here. And my sister is the only family there, and she's handling this burden all by herself.

Mom had to be moved into a nursing home in June. She's been declining rapidly since then, especially in the last few weeks - her dementia is becoming profound. My sister texted me and our brothers (in Los Angeles, too impoverished and busy keeping their auto repair business from going under to leave for a trip back east - I paid for each of them to visit Mom a couple of years ago) yesterday, advising that she no longer seems to be able to swallow even pureed food - something about dementia is involved. I tried to call Mom today - she couldn't answer the phone - the nurse had to help her, and all she could say is "I can't talk." She was drugged, but apparently this is necessary because otherwise her anxiety has her yelling all the time.

I don't know what to do - I feel like I should be there, but I don't want to be. I don't know how close she is to the end. I don't want it to be all on my sister either, and I don't want Mom to be alone, but ... I don't want to face it myself.

Oh - and we put the deposit down on a new-to-us RV today. We should get it late next week. https://www.rvt.com/Holiday-Rambler-Ambassador-40PDQ-2007-Glendale-AZ-IDs7771099-UX245479 (no, we didn't pay that much). I actually plotted a road trip to VA in the RV, but that is just too much to face, and might take too long.